Tron: Ares screenwriteres wrote Patrick Bateman into a script in 2025, leaping out of their heads like a trojan. "You like Duran Duran?"

It's over, I've depicted myself as the pooping pilot.

"Yea, man, those Antifa punks gave me this big shiner on my forehead! I was fighting five or six of em when allathu sudden-" "I saw the footage, Frank." "..." "..." "..." "..." "You are the radical left, Allan."

Got banned from the Sonic Movie Discord for mentioning Ronald Reagan in my 4th of 7 posts about Sonic & Friends vs the Axis Powers.

Marco Rubio admiring Italy rn rn

I no longer care what resteraunt the boyz want. I campaign for the fusion resteraunt uptown.

Givin sloppy Portland Warzone style.

Doctor says my blood pressure is high. >>> I set my morning alarm to Courage the Cowardly Dog - Crisis Theme instead of coffee. >>> Blood pressure increases. I can't do shit man, fuck.

If God didn't want me to sit, he wouldn't have given me such a fat ass.

Get me some foreskin and a stapler, I WILL be going to Prom this year!

Dairy free my ass! I will NOT tolerate intolerance!

Old Man's War (2005)

The Lion does not concern himself with The Witch or The Wardrobe.

I know the "dark and electronic remix to old song" trick is just that, but it works on me.

A person could have witnessed a public execution by Guillotine and The Rescuers in theaters on the same day.

Blizzard really went, "FINE, you can have a nonbinary character but only if they're consistently dirty."

I demand that ICE Agents remove their masks, and their shoes, and their body armor, and their clothing. None will defer me in my quest for Natty ICE!

Eatin macaroni straight outta my pocket, Jammin my fist in the electrical socket Sake of my hole, can't pronounce gyro Eating fish out the tank, waiting for the gyno

The same people who want you to become a cyborg think you can't have a beard and nail polish at once.

Every Sex in the City episode has three beautiful women in fantastic outfits, and Carrie in jailbait leisure lederhosen. No one ever reacts to it, leading me to believe they can't see it... or they fear her too much to mention it. So, to answer the question your honor, Carrie is the most powerful.

What's your Philosophical Zombie Apocalypse plan? I intend to get a job in an office and work there for 30 years.

'Yea, I just drop Alexander off in the Holodeck every day before work. He's losing his grip on reality, but he loves it!'

I killed god in 2014 over a game of Magic the Gathering.

What it feels like on Sundays at 8pm.

Sorry babe, I carried that Overwatch game with my back.

Imagine being a war elephant. These little fuckers build armor and a little backpack for them to ride in, then they give you a ride to a bunch of of other little fuckers so you can fuck em up. You do this shit day in and day out until you run into ANOTHER guy with DIFFERENT fuckers in his backpack.

October's here. Walk around the house. Ambushed by varmints. Took their marmbles. Only three, but I drop them through the band that makes six clones of them. Eighteen, nice! Thirty more and I can punch twice. Walk around the house. Ambushed by varmints. October's here.

Every DND game in your 30s gets interrupted by a teenager in torn-away sleeves and a bandana.

Worst kinda sick. Dry in bad places. Wet in worse places. Wind whips through the empty spires of heaven.

Calls himself Le Petit Mort, but I call him, "Little Morty" and he'd hate it if I said that to his face. Unfortunately he can make you cum with his mind and somehow that's worse than beating your ass.

Pete Davidson just became the only victim of 9/11 to get reparations from the Saudi regime.

In 20 years, I'm going to name my clothing store Non-State Actor. We sell expensive clothes meant to look cheap.

I hate how often Neil Stephenson correctly predicts something mind-numbingly stupid.

rem~

At that point in the sick, my bones feel illubricated.

Truly, you must try ethical incorporeality at least once. I was so anxious I couldn't leave my home in Branson, Missouri, but after a bout with the unreal, I really saw what my life couldn't be.

Ol Turnip will mind the Mud Farm like alwaysbut he won't be polite about it that's fer damn sure.

I should be able to adopt those dogs Sarah McLaughlin sang about with Kohl's Cash.

"Making a 9/11 joke at the Riyadh Comedy Festival because you're confident Donald Trump would promise to save you and then get convinced not to by a Saudi powerpoint," would still be a better post SNL career than Dana Carvey. #PeteDavidson

Red bellbottom jeans A 70s ass scarf Antlers Reeboks

Bluesky is great because I can read the most deranged post I've ever seen and feel on the verge of grasping it for several minutes before I realize it's porn.

Drive far enough off the I-5 corridor, and you'll meet a family eating bones and hair for the fun of it. Where is their Labubu?

You want a good book on running kites and what do you get? Racialized violence.

325mg... 500mg... 650mg... I will become more autistic than even you can imagine.

It's a rolling rapture.

Been sitting on the roof for an hour waiting for this Rapture to get started. Left the oven on running outta roof meat.

Happy Rapture to those who celebrate. And happier to those who don't.

Ooooh Rite Aide's got a discount on Tylenol!

No, Charlie Horse. He got shot by a horse after advocating horse-on-man violence. Completely different.

Tf you mean some things aren't meant for me? I'm the best.