@benjaminkabak.com How’s NYC doing on their under 300 pace?

Every time Harrison Butker misses a field goal, a woman gets her PhD.

No idea how that was lined up in the neutral zone. Absolute phantom call. But Elliott missed anyway. Ball don’t lie.

Niners and Seahawks both control their own fate for the one seed. They face each other in the final game of the season. If both teams win their next two games, they’ll be playing for the bye.

That was the most bonkers 2pt conversion ever.

Seattle looks completely overmatched on both sides of the ball. It’s a miracle they’re not down by 14.

I will never understand why AWS AI advertises on tv. Ok, they power the NFL’s analytics. Cool. What am I supposed to do with that information?

A couple months ago I got to bean this motherfucker in the head with a bag of candy at my nephew’s bar mitzvah and it was exactly as satisfying as you imagine.

FOR TONIGHT ONLY: Let’s go Seahawks! (A Seahawks win tonight and the Niners winning out gets them the one seed)

This answer is perfection.

Fuck this framing. This isn’t a “many experts warn” situation. This is fact. It IS an act of war. There are documents and treaties of which the US is a signatory that clearly state that it is. I hate this both sides bullshit. If it’s raining just fucking say so! Not Experts say it might be raining.

🎉The Kansas City Chiefs have been eliminated!🎉

Do the Bills know they are not actually required to be down 2-3 scores before they start scoring?

Counterpoint: look how fucking stupid anyone who put them in power again and still supports them actually is.

This advice goes for all the time. People who are shitty to retail workers (or restaurant workers) are awful and should be sentenced to working one of those jobs for a minimum of three months. With the pay and “benefits” that go with them.

@johnrogers.bsky.social John, always been curious about The Rundown Job in S5. It’s got a completely different feel and style, No Tim or Gina… Christian has a different haircut, tone is much more serious. Always felt like a pilot for a more actiony-based spinoff that never happened.

Y’know how you never see Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana in the same place at the same time? It’s pretty much the same thing.

Tom, this is beeswax and this man is taking it very, very personal. It’s not personal, Sonny, it’s strictly beeswax.

Good thing Dems bailed the republicans out on the shutdown just so they can hold a straight up and down vote on the ACA subsidies that they lost. Democrats don’t need an opposition party when they have Schumer and Jeffries shooting themselves in the dicks non-stop.

Eleanor explaining healthcare and American selfishness on TGP: In America, everyone does whatever they want, society did break down, it’s terrible, and it’s great! You only look out for number one, scream at whoever disagrees with you, there are no bees because they all died, and if you need surgery

Imagine you’re Soto. One season with the Yanks and you play in the WS. You can spend your entire prime batting behind the best hitter in the game... So you go across town over a half a percent difference in contract offers only to watch your new team let all their best players who aren’t you walk.

Admit it, you don’t know if this headline is parody or not.

I promise you are not prepared for how this video ends. Whatever you think it is, you are wrong.

@jayjaffe.bsky.social My brother sent me this, thought you’d enjoy: www.facebook.com/share/v/17t3...

These states, including my home state of Virginia fresh off a new trifecta, absolutely need to do this. And the Illinois map is too generous. They should be using the 17-0 map @govpritzker.illinois.gov threatened if Indiana tries to gerrymander. And honestly, he should do it anyway.

Without downloading any new pics, describe your vibe for today using an image from your gallery.

The problem with The Onion for the last decade or so is that it’s just one example of Poe’s Law after another. Reality is so fucking absurd and stupid that this isn’t even that farfetched considering the bootlicking nonsense he was spewing yesterday to appease the mythical centrist swing voter.

My small business had a record year, shattering our best year yet by nearly 80%. This of course does nothing to assuage the impostor syndrome or the unshakable belief that it’ll all come crashing down tomorrow, but choosing to focus on getting to give all my people full bonuses plus some holiday $$.

@craigcalcaterra.bsky.social I have a vivid memory of my parents taking 8 year old me to see My Girl and taking me aside and explaining beforehand that Kevin from Home Alone (my favorite movie at the time) dies in the movie but that it’s not real and nobody is really dead.

New York Dems: Republicans, but with 85% fewer Nazis (bigotry against Muslims and Arabs still ok though).

New York, and specifically NYC, is as blue as it gets in this country. Don’t bother running as a Republican there 90% of the time. So what happens? All the rich motherfuckers who are really republicans run as democrats. That’s how you end up with the worst dems in the country always being from NY.

Hey, Hakeem Jeffries... this is how it’s fucking done you useless fucking waste of space!

For the sake of any chance we have of salvaging a functional democracy in this country, can somebody with a pulse please primary this motherfucker and then escort him to @jayjaffe.bsky.social’s rocket into the sun??

@profanity.accountant Whaddya got for me?

I have several follow up questions…

Happy Sharon Weiss’s Pumpkin Pie Day to all who celebrate.

I have to attend a conference in Jacksonville in February. When I tried to book my flights, the website popped up a warning that said “WARNING: You are about to book a flight to Jacksonville… Are you sure???”

I was watching and I still have no idea how the Eagles managed to lose that game.

Raiders’ Defense gonna make Shadeur Sanders look like Joe Montana.

Four one-score games in the early window all going down to the final play. I was rooting for: Giants Colts Steelers Bengals The winners were: Lions (OT) Chiefs (OT) Bears Patriots If you want a sure fire way to beat the house gambling on football just bet the opposite way of my rooting interests

You’re 2-8 on the season. What in the downside of going for it on 4th and 5 from midfield? Grow a fucking spine.

This is appalling and we shouldn’t stand for it. Way more than 28 members of Congress should have mugshots. Like, more than half of them.

If I told you that this was the stat line of a QB whose team put up 70 points you’d call me a fucking liar.

Does spreading bigoted white nationalist claims in interviews count as doing something? Like his claim that 30 million immigrants swooped in and bought every starter home in the country (while simultaneously being freeloading criminals living off the government programs they’re not eligible for)?

@craigcalcaterra.bsky.social After you published my piece in July, I took a shot and see if I could get this pic I’ve had framed on my wall for a quarter century (and an old baseball card I’ve had just as long) signed. Took 5 months, but showed up today. Always seemed like one of the good guys.

@dcone36.bsky.social these showed up today. Thank you! Very much appreciated!

@thisone0verhere.bsky.social My wife thinks it’s incredibly rude that every single post of yours could have been written by her without changing a single word.

@craigcalcaterra.bsky.social I’m surprised you didn’t mention the rise of legal and easily acquirable THC as a contributing factor in reduced alcohol consumption. I know personally that was a big component of dropping from a several times a week drinker to several times a year at most.

Any Democrat running on a platform of “we all need to move on from this and any prosecutions of criminal or treasonous behavior from the prior administration would be seen as too political” should be immediately disqualified from any race. This has to be the starting point.

Me at 10: The Emperor’s New Clothes is a ridiculous parallel. It’s not like every single person he interacts with will just validate his every thought. And some of the townspeople would have said something. Me now: Oh. Oh I see. Yeah that was pretty spot on, huh?