I have a new hero. This owl stole a child's hobby horse and flies around with it!

the nfl should adopt a rollover guys rule that lets you put fewer than 11 guys on the field for any given snap and save those allotted guys for a future play of your choosing. so you could take a knee with 4 guys on first through third downs and then run a 32-guy offense on fourth down

I will work on it. It is my mission tomorrow to work on it.

go to sleep now honk shoo brother take a nap now honk shoo brother

I don't have an advent calendar so Im just opening cupboard doors and eating whatever's in there

Pres. Biden has given his son Hunter the Nice Boy With A Big Fat Dick Medal, bucking norms of modern history. The last family member of a sitting president to receive the executive award was Richard "Railroad Spike" McKinley, who contemporary newspapers reported also had that curve that hit it good.

steve harvey: name something you’ve been looking for your whole life captain ahab: the nameless inscrutable unearthly thing, hidden lord and master; ay, the white whale steve harvey: 🤣 boy i dont know about that. show me whale! *top answer is WHALE/ANIMAL* steve harvey: 😳

babe look, a new pietà just dropped

why did Johnny Cash serve so much cunt in these boots

Listing my deadlift pr on my job application for the morgue