the venn diagram of "is a top" and "knows how to behave like a normal human" is two circles on opposite sides of the room

happy IDPWD call your local member and tell them not to robodebt us.

Guy who’s stuck in tar: (feeling the tar) hmm . good tar today

nothing brightens my day like seeing benny feldman has a new bit hes workshopping

what if we were two pikelets in a pan and we kissed 🫣 and also both the pikelets are boys

it's been like 5 years since i wore a bikini but i just checked and i still look incredibly hot and sexy in a bikini if anyone cares

its christmastime, baby!!! u know what that means... unsettling animatronic nativity scene time

forgot i was mentally ill for a second and stopped supervising my thoughts and feelings, nearly spent 3 days camping and paddling canoes with an injured back just to prove a point to a man who once told me "my only two emotions are stoned and sober"

god imagine if climate activists could like, organise protests without being disorganised rude shitheads about it

putting ham with any cheese other than swiss is a waste of ham and cheese.

its once again muumuu season and i am once again getting offended by people trying to avoid me in public before realising that they think I'm gonna try and give them literature

i dont think theres a single power cable in my home that doesnt have at least one rabbit bite on it

Orson Welles is so cool

The last of the original Garbage Pail Kids has died in custody

if u use tea tree oil for skincare then ur bathroom bin becomes an air freshener

live too far west to get chargrill charlies but not west enough to get polynesian food sydney is a fucking joke

bunch of ppl just saw me ignore a charity mugger, look over my shoulder and realise he was selling firefighter calendars, and involuntarily do this meme

home cooking is fun cause sometimes youll be craving like, 6 of something but your only option is to make 40 of them

thought i saw my ex in the persian grocer :/

cross stitch is so cool its like, what if doing pixel art gave you tennis elbow

yesterday at work a kid spewed all over themselves and i had to shower them and clean it all up so today i am allowed to do whatever i want

every time i flip over a pancake and its evenly brown i become matilda from the film matilda

i could spend all day watching him eat watermelon but then he would shit himself to death

one thing about early years teachers is they think that universities only started teaching education properly the year that they dod their degree

any time kelsie posts an animal i think "i wonder if goose would be friends with one of those"

my ex made fun of me for a lot of my stims and its very easy for me to internalise that so I'm just now starting to do things that he shamed me out of and remembering how much they help my brain

its absolutely insane to me that theres still anyone who thinks that pointing out the hypocrisy of fascists will do anything

dont make me tap the gianmarco soresi clip

my notes app after a night on the cones

Demi overheard a British woman in Japan. From bigsofttitty.png ep 352 - I crave release

Today is my birthday. I am now the same age that Christ was when He released His second homemade alt-rock album. You can listen and buy it now on bandcamp, or it'll be on your artist exploitation service of choice within the next few hours! Organ Ghost | James Gameboy share.google/daoALzYI0bUX...

inventing tgit

complaining works 😌

i think about this scene whenever my brain is bad and I'm thinking of too many poasts

if theres one thing he loves, its putting himself on a shelf

look, i was clearly raised with a far too high level of self-consciousness, but i feel like parents aren't doing enough to teach their kids how to not be assholes in public

cute fluffy men will get yoinked

found out one of the teachers ive been working with refers to me as "that little hippy" 🥰

bro are you okay you seem like you’ve been containing multitudes recently

most of the time when i think "i need a boyfriend" what i really need is someone to cook me dinner

stacked it in front of the physio today at work. literally no person more embarrassing to trip in front of lmao

“It’s a simple question: do you think the inside of my brain is fucked up? A yes or no will suffice!!!!!”

can't stop going "nyah, dickolas cheney"

we paid the council like thousands of dollars in order to not let my tree wife die why do i have to call them like once a week and say hey, my tree wife is dying could u please not let that happen

him: u better not be cunty david hasselhoff when i get there me:

5 months ago i dropped a log on my big toe and tonight the top 1/4 of my toenail fell off

truly unfathomable how many men seem to think the easiest way to find pictures of vaginas on the internet is to download a gay dating app and find a trans man to harass