Rory Gilmore taking a job at CBS with Tony Dookoopill and having an affair and treating Bari like a stupid Paris

Just looked up Mogged

Honestly? I’m so shit at posting AI would do better

jesse jackson was constantly played as a punchline on 90s late-night TV to the point that i didn't understand his history of activism and serious left-leaning political platform until i was much older. i have to think, to some degree, that was on purpose.

we’ve long since evolved past the need for the Bruenigs

Convinced all the food magazines are now AI written

I hope the bidets are installed together like Meghan Trainor’s toilets.

2028 front runner

My timeline is half leftists complaining about Gavin Newsom and half liberals complaining about Graham Platner and I'd like to propose that we launch both of them into the sun together.

Welcome to the stage, Anna Steezsia

bring back gay porn in bars

"So you want to take a shower? Just as I suspected, mwahahaha. Well...go ahead... but first you'll have to solve my devious little puzzle!" —every person who ever designed a hotel shower

No. 1: pee No. 2: poop No. 3: vomit No. 4: semen? No. 5: a child No. 6: ??!

This is not who we are! Were!

This is an episode of the Pitt

Every time i take the train i get angry about the plot of Taylor Sheridan’s 1887 all over again.

Counterpoint: there’s a hundred or so people in the Epstein files and they don’t matter. all of them are very easily replaced in whatever roles they have.

I had a grapefruit for breakfast no coffee and now my tummy hurts so bad omg.

I don't think Graham Platner's tattoo is a particularly strong sign of a deep ideological commitment to Nazism, but not going through a thorough self-vetting and investigation before running for office which finds out about the Nazi tattoo and takes care of it beforehand is a very bad sign

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Have Epstein’s victims gone too far? This is just senseless rage destroying genius now. www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/general...

LBJ was three years older than Reagan

Yeah let's see AI take my job. Let's see chat gpt crack the perfectly timed joke in the zoom meeting. Let's see it brighten everyone's Monday. Get outta here

Tera-Chad Stephen Nuñez is going to policy-maxx to defeat the beta analysts at the NASI research mog-off next week.

DP World, I’ve seen that website

Conrad Bain once slapped me in a men’s room

Was reading an Atlantic article and the paywall thingy came up and it said “support fact-checked journalism” so i closed the article to go find some.

People in trench coats look like perverts

@superj711.bsky.social get this one

Good Morning!

Fair

Did this in 2001 while in the military and with a second job to make rent

time theft thursday (t³)

This is a ITYSL skit: “DOES THIS EVER HAPPEN TO YOU, are they calling you ICE Barbie, or Mar a Lago face Nazi lady, puppy killer, Lewendowski’s lady-friend, or that evil woman who lost $10k in a restaurant because you carry around bribe cash, DOES TBIS EVER HAPPEN TO YOU?”

Coworker just asked ChatGPT, with her talking voice, where to get lunch

Bondi Ambition Pam Bondi acts as innocent as the Madonna, but she won't open her heart to those who live to tell the story of Epstein. If Donald told Jeffrey he would like a virgin on La Isla Bonita, that's borderline sociopathic. Release the Epstein material, girl! by Maureen Dowd

Coworker asked me if i cried during a particular ice skating thing and are the Olympics now?

Muh tariffs

Are Epstein’s financial records in the files?

James Van Der Beek was 48 and clearly Gen X. Get your facts straight.

Did Jeff Bezos buy them too?

Ghislaine Maxwell was Trump’s Ghislaine Maxwell?

Is Harry Hole going to call her?

400 fatties going to Ptown, groundbreaking.

Five years ago this guy would be peeing his pants if he had to show ID to buy a gun.

How has Timothy chalamet been in 500 movies already?

Watters: I was walking in my street, a car drives by and I give him a wave. He rolls down the window and says, “F U fascist.” He doesn’t know I’m a fascist! Jessica: Yes, he does. You’re on TV.