Jack Daniel’s won’t sponsor me, either.

Ben Shapiro said the Christmas Adventurer plot line in One Battle After Another was ridiculous

The true tragedy of Stranger Things is that a whole generation of kids have no idea that "Mike and El" was a Run the Jewels reference

“Tony let me ask you. When you watched Josh Allen throw that ball, did his hand appear to morph into a lobster claw?”

It’s troubling how many Americans view every tragedy through a political lens. So many gotta know what “the libs” think so they can take a contrarian stance, like a conditioned response.

I think I fucked up

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

say what you will about Andrew Tate, but his decision to not have a chin likely saved his life in that fight. Just one of those uppercuts would've killed Bruce Campbell.

Just tried to search for Trump’s name in the Epstein files library on the DOJ’s website. You’ll be *shocked* to learn that there’s no mention of him whatsoever!

People support him because he reflects their values and character. He reflects their souls.

The man gilding the White House thinks your kid has too many pencils.

Watching Avatar: Way of Water for @whmpodcast.bsky.social. Lang is laying it on so thick you could build a house out of it.

Pretty sure they got Black Cats, Roman Candles, and Screaming Mimis.

I know it’s not breaking news that Google sucks now but man does it suck. I wanted to see what the top movies were in 2012, don’t know why I needed to be reminded that was the year Return to Bloodfart Lake came out.

its so crazy that young people became less interested in movies & tv at the same time weird tech guys mostly started deciding what gets made

Carl Kolchak had hoes.

Did they have to sedate him like a grizzly bear for the MRI to be still and stop talking?

This Louvre jewel heist could have used about 100% more muppets and at least 25% more Charles Grodin.

"I robbed a bank to make sure I could pay my cable bill and rather than congratulate me for my innovative and unprecedented action they are saying it's illegal"

Charli XCX Escalates Feud By Luring Travis Kelce Away With Beef Stick

It’s telling that Thiel sees *literal world peace* as a “world government”. Cooperation is subjugation to them, so no wonder everything is on fire when they have control.

They're showing him AI, I guarantee it.

Bro wants to have the gravitas of Hitler but he’s giving Temu Doctor Evil without the style.

the country is being run by people who got radicalized by being dunked on in twitter replies

An O4 lecturing generals and admirals on the grooming standard and they are broadcasting this… Hegseth wants the big chair, and here’s his pitch.

Look at Toad. His edible is just starting to take hold and he needs to tell Frog that instead they should watch Big Trouble in Little China

Threads.

The standard of decorum for late night show hosts is higher than for POTUS.

right wing posters will stub their toe and be like "Our nation has crossed the Rubicon. Civil war is inevitable"

"I even gave my life to Christ in a Cracker Barrel parking lot" is an Action Bronson line

Y’all see it too, right?

if i was creating a Smithsonian of internet comedy this article would be treated as seriously as the invention of the electric lightbulb

About 32 troops per (dry) square mile.

He’s gonna do it. He’s really gonna do it. He’s gonna give it back.

I brought my family to Hill Valley for the Clocktower Festival. The first thing I saw when I exited the Lone Pine Mall parking lot was a gang of youths on hoverboards, one of whom was on a Pitbull. So forgive me if I doubt that crime is down.

currently writing a modern adaptation of War of the Worlds where instead of getting killed by a flu the aliens keep collecting Sig P320s from dead cops and soldiers and then getting blasted inside their walkers when the gun discharges on its own

Can’t say why exactly, but the phrase “once again refused a pierogi” made me laugh out loud.

what if i'm not good enough to have imposter syndrome

A PSA

"The official also said that the timing of the announcement -- occurring during Pride month -- was intentional." Petty people unable to their big jobs so they do culture war nonsense.

The hubris of man is without limit or bond.

We're almost out, we just have to hold on for a few more years and we can fix things

I have a few core memories that bubble up in times of darkness, almost as a defense mechanism: my parent's faces waking me up on Christmas morning, 1996. The first time a woman I loved told me she loved me back. And of course, that scene from Tremors in Burt and Reba's rec room.

Unpopular opinion (apparently): The invention exchange on MST3K is entertaining.