My roommate is a teacher and has reported that ICE has been hanging around Septa stops and depots in the interest of abducting kids on their way home because they aren’t allowed to enter schools. They claimed to be part of a “Septa Strike Force” which does not exist. Boost if you can.

wow really helpful, thank you new york times

My parents got one of those dog collars that shocks them if they go outside the prescribed area and mysteriously, it kept falling off the dog. Last night and all this morning, they were running around looking all over for it, confounded that it seems to have just disappeared! How totally weird.

Supervisor: so what are you working on today? Me: I'm doing... research. Important research. *minimizes tab of Magic The Gathering Cards*

Since the New Year, I've been doing a Tarot reading every morning--nothing specific, just as a sort of general daily forecast--and hoo boy, lots of swords, ya'll. Swords flying every which way.

The “prosecute the former regime at every level” candidate has my vote in 2028.

Real talk: join your local martial arts school. I am, as of today, 1 year into Taekwondo, and kicking the shit out of punching bags has made my mental health better than it’s been in years.

My My Weird Western novel, THE RIGHTEOUS AND THE REST is now on sale in print and ebook! 3 brothers go in search of their abducted sister, only to get tangled up in a plot by a Confederate General to start a second Civil War with undead soldiers. www.amazon.com/dp/B0G4LQ3B9W

You know what is awesome and doesn’t get enough credit? Pickle juice. You can—and should—substitute pickle juice for vinnager in any recipe and it will make it 20% better.

Trying a new recipe a dir calls for 7 oz of kale which apparently is a fucking lot of kale.

"For beings more extraordinary than owls inhabited the old castle." (E. H. Knatchbull-Hugessen "River Legends". Ill- Gustave Doré, London, 1875) #OwlishMonday

What a wild and unlikely coincidence.

Post a famous bathroom scene.

There's no BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES/Bruce Timm style ethos without building on what Alex Toth did.

King cake!

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

I’m not saying this would fix things but I have a theory I’d like I test.

Hi, I’m a burst peritonsular abscess.

Just keep telling yourself, “2026 is the year that It Happens.”

Tubi has this… show? It’s just 4 hours of model trains with soft jazz playing over it and it’s absolutely got my youngest son enraptured.

Owning a home is awesome. Oh you want to do some minor plumbing? Cool, it'll cost $5 and take 10 minutes, just use this hyperspacific tool. If you don't have that tool, it'll take all day, cost you $300, and involve back-breaking labor and/or a plumber visit on e week from now.

$150 for phone is supposed to come out today and not trying to have my shit cut off so 🙃🙃🙃🙃 $danirockasota V: djamiempls

PluroTV has all the James Bond Movies so that’s my January settled.

I convinced my wife to boycott Starbucks by brewing her an extra thermos of coffee for the day and she hasn’t looked back in about 2 months. Saved almost $100.

Milton Caniff's last page on the comic strip Terry and the Pirates, which was published on December 29, 1946.

My wife and I went to see Fantastic Mr Fox in a theatre in Baltimore and saw John Waters in the lobby. He was buying thin mints and popcorn.

Post a perfect album from the 90s that isn't nirvana, soundgarden, pearl jam, or alice in chains.

January of this year I started learning Taekwando. I’m now a green belt, have lost 20lbs of fat (and gained about 5 lb of muscle) and I feel great. I have more strength, stamina, and endurance, plus I’ve learned some new coping mechanisms to manage my anxiety, AND I’m bonding with my kids.

GenAI being fundamentally based on a rejection of consent is obvious, but it's not as obvious that it destroys the inhibitions of the people who already reject consent. It makes them act in public the way they used to only act when cornering their employees by the punch bowl or in their office

This is evangelical Christian theology boiled down to its essence.

The thing about babies is you can tell them anything so long as you do it in a sing song voice with a smile. I used to tell my son when he was 3 months old, “you’re a very stinky boy! Yes you are! You smell like poop!” And he’d giggle.

Our saving grace with the Trump regime is that they are more incompetent than they are fascist. Democrats will of course see this as an excuse to not bother fixing any of the gaping systemic holes in our democracy. The real work will be holding the Dems accountable.

Archivists are h go on an save the world

My wife works for the Archdiocese of San Antonio in the Archive and at least once a month, gets a call from someone who wants to see the deed to the Alamo, because they have discovered through family history and genealogical research that their family owns the land on which it sits.

So my Mom has Covid, which means she's quarantining for the next week. Which sucks. But apparently I'm the Grinch now because I told my sister and her kids not to come visit as planned because, ya know, Covid. The rest of us have, so far, tested negative but still: quarantine.

It’s international punk night here in the kitchen as we listen to Gogol Bordello and Flogging Molly whilst making the most untraditional pot of spaghetti and meatballs you’ve ever tasted.

Alas, I am going to miss #HorrorWatch tonight because my youngest son has decided he and I will watch Monty Python and the Homy Grail instead. Parenting cos hard sometimes but you have to make sacrifices.

I like this trend. Can we get some other assholes into a ring to show off their glass chins? What ever happened to that Musk vs Zuckerberg bout?

In the shower this morning I had a thought: AI is like ebooks. Let me explain (a 🧵): I was there, Gandalf, 25ish years ago when ebooks first hit the market. The promise of ebooks, we were told, was infinite. Imagine, the tech bros said, a novel of nested hyperlinked chapters... [1/8]

We’re out here with Weird Al doing no-nonsense covers of Rage Against the Machine and Now Al Roker getting political. How terrible do you have to be to piss off the mildest Als around?

It’s amazing to think that if all these rich assholes had just been trust fund party kids, the world would be a much a better place.

Wife made mincemeat cookies but didn't inform me that the mincemeat had brandy in it so now I'm day drunk at work and it's not even lunchtime yet. Oops. (I work form home so it's no biggie but still. Boozy emails incoming!)

🐱🪄

It’s a miracle that, here in the US with our undiagnosed gun addiction, everyone under 30 hasn’t strangled everyone over 30.

Hold on a minute. Orville Peck is in the street fighter movie!?

For months I've been trying to break this historical adventure/sword and sorcery novel set in 1650s, but had a huge first act that I couldn't wrap my head around. I had the main cast starting off in the Philippines, taking the Manilla Galleon route across the entire fucking pacific...

Think about how all the biggest billionaire sex pest freaks are those few who survived the dot com bust. And how when the AI bubble even more violently pops, a new generation of pre-composted overnight billionaire failson fuckups will be a scourge for the quarter century afterward.

THE RIGHTEOUS AND THE REST 3 brothers set out into Indian territory to rescue their sister, only to face off with a confederate general hell bent on starting a second civil war with his undead army. Out now! (See pinned post) #WritingPrompt