This is genuinely me on the phone to utility companies. M for motherfucker. M. For. Motherfucker. God love them, they deserve triple pay for putting up with that.

So who's at this shindig at Dublin Castle tonight then? Anyone really famous like? Would they invite celebrities to that or just politicians? Miggeldy's one was so long ago I've forgotten. Surely we can rustle up a few A listers? #aras25 #speirgorm

That Army No 1 Band put the heart crossways in me when President Connolly was being signed in, I'll tell you that for nothing! Was an almighty trumpet out of the blue really necessary? #speirgorm

Lads I can't watch the coverage of Michael D leaving, I just can't! I've half seen snippets on social media of him and his dogs and his last speech etc and I just turn it off, I can't, my heart is broken!! I just love him so much #speirgorm

I washed and blow dried my hair today, shaved my legs, put make up on, a proper face of it, dug out my colourdey tights and cute denim dress, just on a whim just knocking about my house. And lads I'm wrecked! It took HOURS! THEN I put on Selling Sunset and they are like models, HOW do they do it?!

If you're a campaigning organisation, you'd be lucky to have Linda on board with you. Cliche, but truly she's a powerhouse. If you've a job going, give her a shout. (Dreadful news that SWAI has to close due to lack of funding, it's such a vital resource.)

Wait wait wait!! I just heard it pronounced 'An-tee-fah' to rhyme with Queen Latifah, instead of Anti-fa to rhyme with, well, anti fascist? Oh the elders in ANTIFA who definitely exist as an organised hierarchical group will have to put out a memo from their HQ that is definitely a real building.

Just did this survey it took ten seconds and is really important for fairness and inclusivity in schools. Our school is amazing, I do not want to send him elsewhere but I WOULD prefer if it was not Catholic. I don't want to change the school itself, just take religion out and leave it to parents.

You've watched All's Fair, Kim K's new legal 'drama' featuring inexplicably Glenn Close? Oh lads. It's so bad. And I love a cheesy glitzy courtroom Selling Sunset type procedural. But this. I cannot. I just ... no. It's bad and absolutely not 'so bad it's good'. Just plain bad.

I'm an oul wan, I know but this clocks going back business is a load of my bollocks. Fucking quarter to five and I've every light in the house on. This is no life. Fucking load of my bollox. Six more months of this, seriously, I can't. #Speirgorm

Am wearing a Halloween dress (black dress covered in Halloween print, cobwebs and bones etc) and almost every single little girl trick or treater has said 'Ohmigod I love your dress' and just the confidence to be 6 and compliment an adult. Honestly the kids are alright. The next gen are sound.

happy halloween to what many people believed was the greatest tweet of all time

The annual #Halloween tradition of my husband - a teacher in our local school - throwing open the door to trick or treaters bellowing 'Did you do your homework' and frightening the shite out of the kids who didn't know he lives here. The screams! Pure terror. Best part of the night.

There's something else big on the way about this prick, isn't there? There has to be, they're getting out ahead of it.

BREAKING: millions go to church every sunday and call the priest "father" but he's not really their dad.

This is no longer the case, and the Taoiseach is now on his way to Dublin Castle for the declaration

Another Halloween, another year of me resigning myself to a week of jump scares as the 8 foot floating ghost I insisted on installing outside my front door billows past the window and makes me think there's someone lurking outside. The human heart is not built to beat this fast! #Samhain

Leo Varadkar telling HH to 'hold your head high girl' is giving me the ick. #aras25

Anyone else walk out of the polling station after voting and think ...'Did I actually put the number 1 in the right box?!' Happens to me all the time, I just put in a 1 for CC and then left. Then had the fear I had accidentally voted for someone else! Same with Repeal, was convinced I voted No!

This is appalling. It's part of his job and he's going to have to work with CC for the next seven years. What a petty, sniveling little man he is.

It's great that the Left combined for this election and of course kudos to the Soc Dems/Shinners/PBP but just to say Catherine Connolly put herself forward for this, as in Independent, long before she had that support - we shouldn't forget that. It was a brave thing to do. #aras25

What is the plan now for the Spoil Your Vote people? I mean that sincerely, what are they going to do to ensure there is a candidate they like on the ballot next time? They have 7 years plus a general/local/MEP election in between the next Presidential race so ... are they going to ask Steen to run?

You'd miss an oul Exit Poll wouldn't you? What are we supposed to do overnight now? Sleep? Like chumps? *Me outside the count centre at the crack of dawn tomorrow* Hey Mr Tally Man, count a vote for me ...

You've more than three hours left to vote, loads of time if you haven't already. Have your dinner, relax with the kids, then stroll up to your polling station. It's not too late. Gowan sure! #aras25

Penned a 15 verse Ode to Catherine on my ballot paper, to really hit home who I was voting for. Hope the staff at the count centre appreciate my efforts, I know they'll read every word. #aras25

"If I were president, I'd abolish the triple lock and increase military spending" by Jim Gavin, aged 54.

Just took my 93yr old Mum to vote, she has red hair, and has to walk on all fours. In a loud voice she said “Which box for …” Before she finished, a loud horn sounded and a group of people on horseback with dogs chased her out of the polling station yelling RURAL PURSUITS! #Speirgorm #Áras25

Stop it! This is too bloody cute. I absolutely will be causing a riot at my polling station if I'm the only tart in attendance there!

I'm glad it's going to be a cold one tomorrow and a bit of miserable day. An excuse to stay in and watch the count! I do love the excitement when there's a first count from some random count centre with a roving RTE reporter no one's ever heard of bellowing into the mic.

Oh God I hate that this is true! *groans* WHY do people keep voting for FF/FG. Why? My agonies!

1/ Spoiled votes in any election are counted but only overall, they don't have one pile for 'We love Maria Steen' and another for 'Eff you Fianna Fail' like. So any spoiled vote including blank ones, or ones where someone puts an X in all three boxes are all put in the same pile and counted up.

Updating my LEGO White House

What's your plan to vote tomorrow? My son is heading to a pal's house around 2pm so we're going to vote after we drop him off. Got the polling cards at the ready! How about you? #aras25

Women are contradictions? Nonsense! *eats ice cream bar, sips hot tea, under a blanket, on a sunny day*

Former British paratrooper Soldier F has been found not guilty at Belfast Crown Court of committing two murders and five attempted murders on Bloody Sunday in Derry

Polls showing CC significantly ahead are v positive of course and genuinely fair play to her and her team - but it is not over yet. Those undecided voters can surprise you as can rain, some other crisis the morning of the vote etc. So ppl still need to get out and vote. #aras25

I assume I'm too late with the 'Catherine, no, she's going to SacRiFicE HerSeLf' jokes, about the AI press conference, yes? (Absolutely wet myself laughing when I heard it.) #aras25

Good. Not long enough, but it's something.

The Halloween candy is very dear this year isn't it? Funsize bags of Twix and Mars Bars are a fiver and there's only 13 in the pack. We get circa 50 kids at the door and actually sometimes more depending on weather. I remember there being easily 20 bars in the pack last year. Anyone else noticed?

The child has gone on his bike to the neighbouring estate to see pals. I have made a cup of tea and am about to liberate a biscuit from the tin. Let's see how long it takes the child to come stampeding back in asking 'Is that a biscuit? Can I have one?' SHALL WE? #CaughtRapid

Me: *puts a wash on* Also me, 15 seconds later: What's that whirring noise? There's a humming ...what is that? Something is on in this room, oh my God what if there's a fire, Jesus what is that noise, where is ... oh yeah. It's the washing machine. What is the matter with me? #eejit #speirgorm

Girl dinner. Truly what's not to like? Rhetorical question btw, there's NOTHING not to like. #cheese #speirgorm

Imagine leaving a political party cos you think they're too tolerant? Like just too many marginalised communities getting rights or having their rights upheld. Too much joy. Too much empathy for the poor and the sick and the needy. Not on my watch, bucko! I'm scarlet for him.

The so-called tolerant Left called me a Gaeler on a bike. And that’s why I’m voting for Heather Humphreys | latest by me in today’s Irish Times

I love the environment! Down with climate change! I'm not voting for that woman she's too opinionated and won't be able to do her job[even though Miggeldy is of the same persuasion and has managed it]I'm voting for that bastion of environmentalism, Fine Gael - Failed Politician Shouts at Clouds

It's cheeseburger night! This is the child's, we adults had chips too, he doesn't like potatoes of any kind, I fear he is the fairy folk. They may revoke his passport, the spud hater.

No no. No, we won't be doing that. We won't be brushing the last two years under the carpet just because there is a current ceasefire. This is appalling, Israel should not be allowed to participate until Palestine is free and Netanyahu is behind bars for war crimes, where he belongs.

Have had two really bad nights of sleep in a row barely getting a couple of hours and now I'm at the stage where the floor feels like marshmallow and I'm vaguely nauseated. Thankfully, my insomnia is sporadic and temporary so I'll deffo sleep tonight. You poor bastards who have it every night!

Catherine Connolly posts pictures of herself in hospital on Facebook and then says 'don't want to talk about it on here' when people ask if she's ok #SmearTheBejaysis #SmearTheBejaysus