He lives in a pineapple under the sea.

Why do I have the lights on at just gone half nine in June? I don't turn my lights on until 11pm in the summer IF I have to. This is unacceptable, do we need to sacrifice someone to the Gods or what, do you think? #speirgorm

Got the annual statement from the bank about the mortgage today. The one where they tell you how much you borrowed and how much you've paid back so far. 57 pence we've repaid this year it seems. Or something ludicrous like that. Only 500 gajillion bajillion euros to go so!

Oh my fucking God Father's Day is coming up. And it's my husband's birthday a week later. FML. Lads, seriously. I cannot think up more presents for men. I cannot.

I bussed it to school across Dublin by myself for many years. On several occasions men sat beside me in my uniform, crossed their arms and wiggled their fingers under my armpit to stroke the side of my breast. On a full bus while I sat silent and terrified. Just in case you wondered how something

I'll tell you this for nothing, this ward I'm on would crumble and patients would die if it weren't for immigrant staff. The care is very very good and the three particularly sick patients here don't give a damn who's helping them, once they're being taken out of pain and shown kindness #speirgorm

C'mere to me, I'm caught up in my own woes but just to say nobody deserves to die face down on a dirty street in Dublin in front of scores of cameras and witnesses, no matter what they did. Death shouldn't be the punishment for stealing something, we have to be better than that. #speirgorm

Tales from the crypt, I mean hospital. Got a bed after 8 hours (faster than I thought!) Have had the obligatory jelly. There's an oul lad on the ward who keeps barking instructions at the young care assistant and I'm going to smother him. That's all. #speirgorm

Get ready with me on World IBD Day to be admitted to hospital for a bowel obstruction, secondary to Crohn's Disease. *sigh*. Diagnosed 24 years ago this month and it never ends. That's the takeaway for #WorldIBDDay folks, chronic illness never lets up. Check up on your IBD pals, we're not OK.

You've all got your heating on still yes? I'm bloody freezing! Weather app telling me it's 11 degrees but I don't believe it! It's May though, I feel dirty putting the heating on in summer, like the law is about to show up at the door. #speirgorm

Watching Father of the Bride where Steve Martin was two years younger than I am now. I always thought he was an oul lad in it but ... turns out he was just middle aged, like me. I am middle aged. I'm Steve Martin. I'm literally Steve Martin. #speirgorm

An IV iron infusion isn't an overly lengthy process is it? Have to have one tomorrow and trying to work out timings to sort out the child! I was given an emergency appointment so I think they're squeezing me in but I think it's straightforward enough ...an hour or so? Anyone any experience?

I'm unwell so my husband has gone to get the shopping, which is usually my job. He knows all the meat and veg and bread etc he's an adult, but it was mortifying to have to explain the little treats I normally throw in for myself : 'the cream puffs in the chiller, the RED jellies, the LARGE ...'

The child has a project so I put on some soothing plinky plonky music very low in the background to encourage calm. All grand, he did great work and only needed a bit of help. After he was done I forgot to turn off the music and just bellowed 'what the f*ck is that annoying noise!?' Oops. Much calm!

See also, mayonnaise

About 5 years ago I wore a glittery dress for Christmas Day that shed EVERYWHERE. Scrubbed and cleaned and hoovered and mopped the place to try to get rid of the glitter. Currently cleaning my kitchen for my son's birthday tomorrow and just found a patch of glitter on the floor under the oven. Sigh.

I thought one of my posts had gone viral cos I had like 300 notifications but it was only a glitch cos Blue Sky was down. Am a bit disappointed, ngl

Here @karynmoy.bsky.social I found your Christmas present

Say what you like about John McGuirk

A Healy-Rae voluntarily giving up a position of influence feels like when all the animals flee ahead of an earthquake.

What'll the lesser spotted other Healy-Rae do now? Will he vote no confidence too? #speirgorm

🚨 Michael Healy-Rae resigns as junior minister and will vote no confidence

Like, if the government falls today do we HAVE a credible left opposition ready to step into its shoes? I don't think we do! I've voted left all my life, I've never voted for Government parties but time after time I'm disappointed at the left's inability to combine and form a government. Sorry.

I'm fairly certain the time in the Dáil can be extended when it's something as serious as this? And it is serious- whether you support the protests or not, the fact is about 20 lads with five tractors shut down the country without intervention of the Gardai! And they did it in about half an hour!

Hahaha but also I'm a Dub and I've never eaten coddle. Wouldn't let it through the door. I'm convinced it was some ploy by the Brits back in the day to try to take us down.

I'm in a ranty mood so let me tell you my pet peeve - water bottles. People lugging great big water bottles around with them all day and sucking like toddlers every. fucking. minute. of. the. day. WHOLLY unnecessary, unhygenic, vile, disgusting harbours of bacteria. YOU DON'T NEED THEM! Use a glass.

Same. Ah look at the baba!! My only boy is 13 this week, sometimes I still find myself rocking the shopping trolley or swaying side to side, comforting nothing!!

I feel like I'm going a bit mad. When did the protests last week become a cost of living protest for the whole country and not a fuel protest for farmers and hauliers? Cos that's what it was, a fuel protest for FARMERS and HAULIERS? The meetings in Gov were about FARMERS and HAULIERS?

Risk of frost tonight as temperatures drop to as low as -1c. The latest government package has nothing for home heating oil so no reduction there🥶

I don't think I'll ever forgive the protesters for making me agree with something Simon Harris had to say (about the public asking for permission from random 'wardens' to do x or y) It's a sad day, honestly. #speirgorm

Somebody at that press conference ask if this package will reduce the price of petrol at the pumps for the ordinary person who isn't a farmer or haulier, please! #speirgorm

Seeing a lot of outrage about the pepper spraying in Cork and yeah, I think it's awful too. But did you miss the pepper spraying of Palestine supporters? The Mothers Against Genocide being reefed by the hair into Garda vans? The Debenhams workers ditto? Did you miss all that? Why is it only bad now?

Absolutely howling at the utter gobshites making up increasingly outlandish lies about MM's daughter getting married today. 'Bet you he's drinking champagne paid for by us and lobster an' all.' HIS DAUGHTER ISN'T GETTING MARRIED YOU COMPLETE IDIOTS?! WHERE did that rumour start. The LIES, honestly.

If you're at a protests and fascists show up to protest with you, if you don't chase them off, then you're at a fascist protest.

Tbh I never expected a protest by farmers and hauliers to benefit me? Just like nurses striking for better pay wouldn't get me better pay, as am not a nurse, yeah? But then the protesters started saying they were blockading for all of us and we'd all benefit. So are they taking that back now?

Not sure I'm too onboard with protest leaders saying the public should ring them for permission to get around blockades etc if they have hospital appointments? What right have they to allow or deny the public travel like? Yeah, I'm not ok with that mentality.

Saw an interview with one of the protest leaders - asked basic questions such as what are you hoping for and 'is a cap a red line issue for you' and he couldn't answer. Didn't want to give out the 'wrong vibes'. I support protest action in general but surely you have to know what your demands are?!

Wedding anniversary today, not looking too shabby after all these years! #speirgorm

Am once again huddled around the radiator feckin frozen, but at least I have one of my favourites to entertain me! #speirgorm #bukes

The meat is coming along anyway! (Yes, the lamb is overcooked, I'm the only one who will eat it rare so had to yield to the masses! Smells good though!) #EasterDinner #speirgorm

Just the few potatoes for tomorrow's Easter dinner. Just a couple. You won't even feel them going down, you wouldn't even know you were eating them. #speirgorm #TellMeYouAreIrishWithoutTellingMe

And one for #spéirgorm fans

Can't get over how much 1971 Gilbert O'Sullivan looks like a lad from 2026

So do we actually have to play Denmark now like? What's the point? I vote we just go on the lash instead, who's going to stop us? #coybig

Didn’t want to be happy for a few moments anyway

Am going to have to ride my husband tonight, to make up for this. #coybig

Wouldn't have wanted to go to the World Cup anyway, while that orange lunatic is in charge. Yeah, that's it. Didn't want to go anyway. Fuck ICE! #coybig

If Ireland doesn't qualify for the World Cup it will be because we are pure of heart and moral, and not that we aren't that good

It's the hope that kills ya. Every time. #coybig