Pizza is a sandwich

St Pancake did not wander inside in that desert alone for 40 days for you to eat a proper dinner today, ok? He died for our sins so that we could eat a massive stack of pancakes FOR dinner today. Not alongside, not as dessert, not a snack, pancakes FOR dinner. Thank you.

I am having a very menopausal day and I am not in the mood ok? I am dropping things, spilling things, I burnt the hand off myself making the dinner, I almost wrecked my new gas hob, I sliced my finger with a knife, the list goes fucking on. So not today ok? Don't try me today. Not. In. The. Mood.

Being 41-Years Old Update: Sat cross-legged on the floor for too long at the weekend while my two year old niece “did my hair” and now one of my knees doesn’t work

You know you had a doozie of a tummy bug when you lose 7lb in 48 hours. That was ... something else! Currently guzzling all the fluids, I have three drinks on the go. Am a husk!

Trying to book a routine annual-ish asthma check up for my young lad in the GP and despite there being like six doctors in the practice, there seems to be no availability for like the next nine weeks? Nothing at all, all slots greyed out and booked up. Nine weeks?!

Do you think - and this is just a suggestion now - that the absolute thundering racist cunts on social media platforms could give it a fucking rest, for one day like? Do you think? That awful bus crash in town and the first comment on nearly every platform is some form of blaming migrants.

I would take a picture of, and show you, the size of the mouth ulcer inside my cheek but it'd put you off your dinner for a full calendar month. It's easily half the area of my mouth. It's all glamour over here of a BH Monday, I tell you. Though, I bought a fab yellow jumper today so that's nice.

Shrinking is back!! Yay! It's so good. And I just love Harrison Ford in it.

I used to work in local newspapers and wrote news articles about local Cllrs giving out about scramblers in parks and in estates, warning how dangerous they are. That was 27 years ago. Nothing changes. Enforcement doesn't seem to work. That poor girl and her poor family left behind. #speirgorm

The shite thing about chronic illness is often not the illness itself, it's sometimes the tiredness that comes along with it. I'm so wiped at the minute by 5pm I'm just done, everything goes on the long finger, there's energy for nothing else. The spoons have been used up! #Crohns #spoons

So where are we with the Beckham wedding video? You've had almost 24 hours and I'm getting tired of waiting. Someone has it, it's a matter of public interest at this stage. Make no mistake, I WILL riot if I have to.

I need to see Brooklyn Beckham's wedding video of THAT first dance more than I need my next breath. We put man on the moon, we can unearth this video. #speirgorm

The absolute mortification and awkwardness of having someone in your house doing a job for you (plumber today). He's entirely normal, I am the basket case nervously hovering in my sitting room. Like a gobshite! I am 47, I can no longer be normal with people. Is it an Irish thing?! #speirgorm

I hope there's some proper outcome here for his Mam. One of the strangest cases I've ever read. I hope there's some justice.

Have stuck a banana and a chocolate coin (still wading through the Christmas chocolate) into the child's bag for school tomorrow as they're starting the free hot lunches in his place this week. It's so odd not to be making sandwiches! We'll see how it goes! #speirgorm

My kingdom for chicken breast pieces that aren't full of gocky gristly bits. That's all!

Checked my bank balance there thinking 'surely the February child benefit went in today, didn't it, happy days'. Yeah, it's January 13. There'll be no child benefit for another three full weeks despite it having been January already for six months.

I'm in the loo and just heard my son downstairs shriek something and then my husband said OH MY GOD really loudly so either someone puked or Liverpool are losing or possibly scored? I don't know if they're even playing tonight but loudness in this house is usually puke or LFC. I can't.

Ah, it'd be rude not to.

I would like it known please that on this day, in the year of Our Lord 2025 I did the weekly grocery shop with BOTH my knickers AND my tights slipping down to the tops of my thighs. The WHOLE shop. With BOTH my knickers and tights fallen down. Please, no autographs. #speirgorm

Listen, eat what you want. Truly, whatever you want to put in your mouth, do so. But fat free Greek yogurt, with cottage cheese and manky protein powder isn't a cheesecake. Alright? I don't care what vile concoctions you make, but cheesecake has biscuits and butter and cream cheese and sugar. Ta.

Burger for dinner but with a rocket salad for HEALTH you see. Balance. It's all about the BALANCE. And HEALTH. *wipes burger grease off chin* Yars, indeed, HEALTH.

The year of our lord 2025 and nobody has invented a 'peel here' tab that actually peels. Cars can drive themselves, we have the whole world on a 6 inch screen in our pockets, pictures of Neptune, you name it. Yet I'm still attacking the ham packet with a knife?

My husband bought me a big tube of Smarties for Christmas as a nostalgia present as I always had one in my stocking as a kid and lads - LADS - I had forgotten about it and found it today!! A whole big giant tube of Smarties for me! Truly, this is a New Year resolution I can get behind!

Happy New Year! #speirgorm

The beige food has been plated up. I repeat - the beige food has been plated up. Happy New Year! #speirgorm

There is no justification for this. None. If you're condoning this you're a genocidal scumbag.

Having a boiling cup of tea (burnt the mouth off myself) cos I'm bloody freezing. I've been making 'grand stretch' jokes since the 21st but seriously when is the actual grand stretch coming cos I'm at the end of my rope with this dank cold business. Like seriously meteorologists, when is it coming?

I don't struggle with 'what day is it' over Christmas anymore cos my old lady peri menopause heart palpitation pills come in a daily blister pack. So I always know what day it is! #auld

Am about to start peeling the potatoes for tomorrow. We'll have four adults and one almost teen and then need leftovers for Stephen'sez Day. So, roughly 27 potatoes each, would you say?

Toasted cheese sandwich filled with contraband Tayto from the Christmas Cupboard of Deliciousness. If ANY of you rat me out to my family for dipping in to the Christmas bits early I'll ruin you. Right? Shhhhh!

Helped a woman in the shop find a Christmas card for her godson. She said thanks and I tried to say “you’re welcome” and “no problem” at the same time but instead said… You Problem

Just a few more days until the 21st and then this bullshit 'dark at 3pm' nonsense will start to reverse. Honestly I feel like it's midnight, it's not good for the brain for it to be this dark all the time. Spring is coming! Hang in there!

Your annual festive reminder that Saint Nicholas bears an uncanny resemblance to Lieutenant Worf.

Just watched my kid's school carol service that they do in the local church and it was gorgeous. All the kids singing their little hearts out. And as always a feat of engineering to get 500 kids on and off the altar in a timely fashion! It was like a military parade!

The necklace in Love Actually is ugly. I'll die on this hill. Honestly, if my husband gave his mistress that monstrosity I'd feel sorry for her. #speirgorm

They used to "laugh and call him names." Now they're all dead

Please, no advice, it's done now, I'm begging you not to give me suggestions but - I just paid 68 euro to have 12 cupcakes delivered as a Christmas present. Sixty eight euro for 12 cupcakes. The present is WELL deserved and the convenience is helpful to me but prices are just rising DRASTICALLY.

I bought the few bottles of wine and chocolates and biscuits and gift bags a couple of weeks ago feeling all smug about being prepared. Now I have to actually put the poxy yokes into the poxy bags and remember who I poxy bought them for. Today is the day though. TODAY IS THE DAY! *war cry*

Someone in the UK REALLY wants to get hold of me. Calling every 14 seconds. *polishes nails on front of shirt* it's a trial being this popular.

This poor poor family. An appalling attack, I hope whoever did it is caught and jailed for the rest of their miserable lives.

A note from your friendly bookseller watching the #LateLateToyShow – here are all the books featured so you can show your local bookshop exactly which one you’re looking for 📚 Be sure to follow #BookElves2025 for more book recommendations all week long!

I was hoping to hear a bunch of kids sing about how Bertie Ahern ruined the country. #ToyShow #LateLateToyShow

EEEEKKKK Surely CMAT is going to pop up? They're excellent! #ToyShow #LateLateToyShow

At least the book kids get a trip, something a bit decent. Usually they're given a signed bookmark from some author. #LateLateToyShow #ToyShow

Well Aryan is a little dote! Good little dancer too! #ToyShow #LateLateToyShow

Some fashion house needs to snap Bonnie up! That's a fabulous dress! #ToyShow #LateLateToyShow

That'd bring a tear to a glass eye #ToyShow #LateLateToyShow

The entire Liverpool squad needs to leap out of a Christmas tree for Layla. I won't accept anything less. #ToyShow #LateLateToyShow