My best friend reached out with a list of great things about me, what makes me awesome, and it came at the exact right time. Left me bawling for 5 minutes. Fixed my day. You don't need a reason to randomly tell a friend why they're great or how much you care for them. Like today. No reason needed.

Turner and Hooch, but Turner is a mafioso, not a cop. That's it. That's the pitch. (Hooch is still a dog)

X-Files, but in the military. That's the whole pitch.

NICE NEWS: House down the street had a huge Trump banner that said "FIGHT!" or something like that, with that photo of Trump pumping his fist after getting nicked by a bullet. The banner disappeared earlier this week. 🙂 (I'm about 20 blocks from where Charlie Kirk was killed, for the record.)

Help me understand. Is this the strategy? 1. Deploy forces in the name of law enforcement 2. Use violence against a marginalized group, so it's more palatable to some in the majority 3. Trigger a violent retaliation 4. Institute martial law in a region 5. Rinse and repeat

I want someone or some group with money to buy billboards near every military base in the U.S. that just say "AMERICANS DISOBEY ILLEGAL ORDERS".

Wanna feel old? The release of the original iPhone is farther away than when we finally invent time travel

Would it make sense for those in danger of detention to keep an Airtag in their belt buckle or a hole in their shoe or something, so loved ones can at least find where they're being held when they're taken?

They took NINETEEN EIGHTY FOUR as an instruction manual.

Nuanced take: I think it's really important to give *normal citizens* who supported Trump and off-ramp and *professional writers, pundits and politicians* who supported Trump should have to wear it like a scarlet letter for the rest of their lives

Anybody in the banking tech sector know why banks and credit card companies only let you search transactions for the last 12-24 months? I'm really hoping it's not to save hard drive space.

What if Prince Eric gets human-shaped Ariel pregnant, and then Ariel turns back into a mermaid? 1. Ariel spawns hundreds of little fertilized fishman eggs? or 2. The baby looks human except for gills and webbed digits like Kevin Costner in WATERWORLD or 3. This where the kraken came from

crazy that the website that I randomly decided to put together at 10AM yesterday has had over 25k unique visitors in 24 hours. please keep sharing with your networks.

In my mind, "art" is "craft" plus "expression." I might be tempted to call a beautifully hand-crafted chair a "work of art," but it's actually expert craftsmanship. Art is when you express something meaningful in your craft. The artist uses the craft to express a thought or sentiment. 1/2

Stop saying unprecedented. That implies it's not been done before but might be ok. The word you're looking for is illegal, fascist, despotic, cruel, unhinged, stupid, etc.

In some ways it's actually harder being an orphan

What if memories of all the kindnesses I've shown, love I've shared, service I've rendered, and compliments I've given ALL CAME BACK TO ME AT ONCE. Daaaaaamn how would that feel? Maybe I should make a project out of writing down everything like that I can think of. Is that a thing people do?

Perennial note to self: DOOMSCROLLING IS NOT THE SAME AS TAKING ACTION.

When I was younger I thought that trophies were made of gold.

New word, universe! DELISHLESS, adj. Not delicious. "Thanks Grandma. This green bean casserole is... um... delishless."

To any ICE agent out there tonight still retainimg any trace of humanity who might be asking what you can do to calm things down after MN. It's simple. Quit. Tomorrow morning. You don't even have to turn in a badge because you never had one. Just quit and find real work.

The right wants to talk about fraud? Somali fraud? Okay, give me 60 seconds.

The Second Amendment guys are gonna save us any day now, right?

The first rule of med school fight club is Do No Harm

I find it disappointing when LEGO creates an entirely new piece in order to finish some licensed IP's model. "Aw, whatsamatter, wittle baby LEGO designer couldn't make an AT-AT walker like the rest of us, with WHAT WE'VE GOT?" New specialty bricks are the steroids of LEGO design. I should blog.

Someone made a ton of money betting on Maduro’s capture

Hold on—so is it OK for one country to invade a neighbor and arrest their leader because if it is CANADA HAVE I GOT AN IDEA FOR YOU.

Waiting for the other shoe to

Ask your employer to ban X.com like it would any porn site.

I made a joke website in 2012 called whatyearisit.info that purports to be a tool for time travelers. Haven't touched it in a dozen years or more. I included this joke at the end: "Note that the site will be offline for most of 2027 because of the zombies." I can't believe we're almost there.

Mamdani has only been Mayor for a day & criminals are already fleeing New York

You should be able to rev your shopping cart at people in the grocery store

Earlier this week, over the course of 2 days, I stress-ate a package of Oreos (the smaller, 33-cookie bag), as well as two loaves of French bread (with balsamic vinegar, olive oil, and parmesan). My 2026 weight loss plan needed a good kickstart of motivational regret. The dieting. It begins.

How badly must the Mandalorian's helmet stink

So much for my 2026 resolution to get to bed at a reasonable hour

maybe it's the booze talking but- HOLY SHIT THE BOOZE IS TALKING

I'm on the HOA board as of November, which apparently means getting complaints via email about neighbors' dog poop. I totally relate, and people who don't clean up after their dogs should be sterilized. HOWEVER, you do NOT need to send photographic evidence of the dog poop. Thank you.

"What was your biggest impact on the Internet?" Eh, I made a singles website for ghosts that went viral in 2013: web.archive.org/web/20131106... I also made placebobutton.com for some reason I also made exfish.us/1 - a webcomic about leaving Christianity. Oh, and I once made a stellar tweet.

Hey Prime and others: Don't charge me $1.99 for an episode of some show, or $3.99 for an old movie rental. Don't charge me anything... yet. Tell me it costs 25¢. Maybe 50¢ for something longer. Then sum it all up at the end of the month and charge me the total. I'm certain this would make more.

I didn’t know until now that in the original Rosie the Riveter painting, she is crushing a copy of Mein Kampf under her foot. Happy feast of the Blessed Virgin Mary, remembering all the women who crush the serpents of Satan under their heel.

Doing some self-psychoanalyzing. When people say they don't care what other people think of them... that's bullcrap, right? I mean, good goal and all, but people don't REALLY feel that way, do they?

They say imitation crab is the sincerest form of crab

Sun-Maid Announces Girl In Logo Has Always Been Sentient Raisin Disguising Self In Human Flesh https://theonion.com/sun-maid-announces-girl-in-logo-has-always-been-sentient-raisin-disguising-self-in-human-flesh/

My 19yo daughter is using Comic Sans for her Sonic the Hedgehog fan fiction, and I don't know how to stop her. I can't ground her - she's an adult! I just feel like I've failed as a parent.

I used to get really angry anytime I played sports. It was inevitable - I'd screw up (I'm TERRIBLE at sports, yes all of them) and get frothingly mad. So I stopped playing sports. But the tendency is still there, I saw today. Playing video games can enrage me. I hate myself for it. What is that?

What if instead of copying all my old files to my new computer every time I upgrade, like I've done for the last THIRTY YEARS, I just... started fresh? No documents, videos, abandoned projects. Is that a thing?

HER: I cut and sold my hair so I could afford a chain for your pocket watch ME: Oh no! I sold my pocket watch to buy you a scrunchy HER: Uh, scrunchies aren't that expensive ME: I also went to the track