Cackling Referee Declares Penalty For Pass Interference Shall Be 10,000 Years Of Winter https://theonion.com/cackling-referee-declares-penalty-for-pass-interference-shall-be-10000-years-of-winter/

Putting anything with a saxophone in your hold music is criminal

Cartoon: "This one goes to Heaven." With thanks to @thegreatlukeski.bsky.social for the tribute idea :)

A week ago I went off one of my antidepressants because it was giving me a tic. Today the repair company said the cost to fix my leaky basement's foundation will be well into five figures. (And the loud buzzing of the fans in my basement will be going on all week. And my office is inaccessible.)

What other ding-dong-the-witch-is-dead scenes can you think of from films where a big baddie dies? Celebrations like the dancing ewoks, or something from LoTR. Basically, what scenes should go into the supercut of celebrations when you-know-who dies?

As we mourn Rob Reiner, don’t skip this: he was, pretty much, personally responsible for overturning California’s Prop 8 banning same sex marriage. www.hollywoodreporter.com/business/bus...

If I get hit by a bus tomorrow, my biggest regret about my life will probably be that I didn't look both ways

Sunday Taquitos #6: “Your papers, please.” Art by Ivan Ehlers.

Final scene in Children of Men

The world is now a little worse

On Friday we discovered more water coming into my basement through cracks in the foundation. Fans and a dehumidifier have been buzzing non-stop since Friday evening. I think I smell mildew. Repair costs will easily eat half my savings. But it's 9:20am and I've written 1800 words, so I feel alright!

Please caption this photo I took at WinCo this morning.

Making an inspirational or touching video with generative A.I. is a malicious act. It creates greater negativity and more pessimism once it's discovered. It saps people of any hope or charity it may have briefly inspired. It creates a new viral lie that will never be fully contained or debunked.

I’m a single issue voter and my issue is that those busses that bend in the middle should make accordion noises

Happy My Birthday tomorrow to all who celebrate it. May your day be filled with me aging

clothes washer?? oh you mean a chapstick rinsing machine

ME: *points to an ant floating in a puddle* must be male cuz it’s boy ant DATE: *flicks cigarette onto ant* now it’s flamboyant *we kiss*

While AI hurts us all with misinformation, fake relationships, environmental costs, slop creation, and job loss... there actually remain some valid use cases for it, including: * Faster healthcare diagnoses * Better weather forecasts * Improved cancer screening news.microsoft.com/source/featu...

We should all agree to only have birthday parties on people's prime birthdays. (We then continue to have birthday parties every year, but now some of them will be free of those weirdos who are good at math.)

The deadpan takes in Hellboy always kills me.

Clinic Closures Force More Rural Americans To Rely On Horse Who Stomps Twice When Patient Has Cancer https://theonion.com/clinic-closures-force-more-rural-americans-to-rely-on-horse-who-stomps-twice-when-patient-has-cancer/

You're thinking "What about Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue? Wasn't that also from 1924?" It's close, but Buster Keaton, man. Start from about minute 33 - some of these stunts and gags are amazing. youtu.be/epVoD1RqcLc?...

Gonna widen my search here a little: has ANYONE seen the remote control to the star for my Christmas tree?

I don't understand what's been going on with women's eyebrows in the last decade. I feel like I'm missing context.

Nice reply "owning" me, unfortunately you parsed 2 levels of irony but missed completely the third, wherein it's clear I'm making fun of the persona your reply intended to critique. That being said I'm still hurt to an almost unimaginable degree

A gift for you: If you're a parent who is regretting letting the Elf on a Shelf into your home, here is a duty reassignment order you can show to your kids that the Elf was needed elsewhere. Printable png 8X10 300dpi so it can fit well on an A4 for non North American printers.

As long as Spotify is willing to take money from ICE, they don’t need (or deserve) free advertising for Spotify Wrapped: indivisible.org/cancel-spotify?source=bluesky

The most genuinely human Trump ever seems to me is when he’s desperately fighting to stay awake.

This man may be the most racist president this country has ever had, and twelve presidents owned slaves

[S] The search for Hegseth's successor is OVER...

i’m setting you free. i’m releasing you from the discourse

I want the White House Press Corp to coordinate a moment to snicker at Trump when he spouts garbage. Then just laugh at his idiocy, right there in the Oval Office. Record it all.

My guillotine business is gonna make a killing

The reason Christmas comes earlier every year is that the calendar year is about 6 hours shorter than the solar year.

Nine years ago Mike Fitzgerald wrote up an extraordinarily fascinating breakdown of the differences between the Tom Stoppard shooting script and the original Jeffrey Boam draft of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade. It's well worth your time: www.creativescreenwriting.com/indiana-jone...

We wish you Baby it’s a Merry cold outside Christmas 🤝 we won’t go until we get some

If Avatar 3 has two people switching avatars in a Freaky Fridayish fashion, I will demand royalties

Imma go wash my mouth out with soap

@profanity.accountant will now count my swears:

Huh! How did I miss that this existed?

Free digital version of The Art of KPop Demon Hunters!! theartofkpopdemonhunters.com

Is there a good reason we put electrical outlets down low instead of, say, a height we can reach without effort? (I'm realizing I baby my back so much that I don't like to vacuum, because I have to bend over to plug it in.) (See also: using dustpans, cleaning toilets, picking up trash in the yard)

I’m not a religious person but having The Who’s of Whoville shelling Black Friday sales for Walmart is a fucking sin.

OUT: Turducken IN: this monstrosity created by @dmacalvert.bsky.social

15 billion scam ads per day is... a lot. I signed the petition for the gov to take action against Meta.

Found the origin of "67"

Man, rulers are shit for drawing curved lines