Saying perverse stuff like =IFERROR(IF(I2<>"", XLOOKUP(I2, C:C, D:D), 1/0), IFERROR(IF(H2<>"", XLOOKUP(H2, B:B, D:D), 1/0), IFERROR(IF(G2<>"", XLOOKUP(G2, A:A, D:D), 1/0), "")))

Free art idea: genies coming out of modern vessels: white monster energy can, vape pod, LED lightbulbs, etc.

I’m basically an expert in detecting when movies aren’t using real dinosaurs.

It's not a priority if you can't prioritize

Give me seven minutes in that Criterion Closet and you won't be able to let anyone into it again, celebrity or not. 🥵🎬

To celebrate Father’s Day, I put on a polo and stood in the middle of a restaurant watching sports on the TV with my arms crossed, looking concerned but doing nothing as someone needed help.

you: Please, dr moreau. your unholy creations are an affront to god. creatures of land should not combine with creatures of the sea. a baby belongs with its mother sheep, not imprisoned within a pearlescent shell until you see fit to pry open its hinges dr moreau: clamb

a pre-conscious aversion to helping anyone even potentially on the 30 under 30 list is a strong alignment signal

For more than a decade I’ve been living two years in the future at Google Cloud, so it’s funny that a substantial award took a year to arrive. If you’re a customer of distinct size, and want to know what 2028 will feel like, bang my line any time: [email protected] And now back to work.

Sunday making my robot build a canonical* source for the works of a 13th century poet spanning four languages *(as much as one can, legally)

What you wish you could be doing in New York right now is what you could be doing when It happens. HAVE A PLAN.

Personally? I'm rooting for the Knicks

Some day the world will also have its first dead trillionaire, and the worms and fungus and history won't feel a bit of difference

this is, for reference, less than 1 percent of the water used in the United States in a single *day*

“We will devote three hours, each quarter, to an AI Hackathon” reads a certain slide. Save some innovation for the rest of us!

Watching a Microsoft employee on my flight struggle to clone a git repo and searching, repeatedly, for “get started” in Bing (in Edge!) is really bumming me out. I want to help. I want to know what he’s really trying to get done. I want to know why he keeps opening a resume (not his) and closing it.

Don’t test me, bro, I’ve had Ritter Sports you can’t even pronounce

Have you, like me, spent the last 26 years worrying if the Canadian Potato Museum STILL has the display of various potato diseases with potatoes in little coffins? Stop worrying. I checked today. Still there.

Here's the smallest peeve of all time, If a device is not wider than a human head, it does not matter if it has "stereo speakers"

MASSIVE fan of this one:

By the time it all ends Iran will have the US giving up its nuclear program. Amazing negotiators.

I’ve got my best possible robots researching my dumbest possible ideas

For reasons to be explained later, if you're ever looking to buy 50 x 1lb bags of Federal Spec TT-B-1325D Type 3 “Airport Grade“ Glass Beads, and don't want to go through China, I recommend ”Asphalt Sealcoating Direct“

Bring a mime to a wedding as your +1

Bodybuilders call it muscle confusion

Red licorice needs its Nerds Clusters equivalent. It’s a timeless candy, time to upgrade its treat factor.

browser tab bankruptcy coming soon: 84 tabs / 4 windows

Tell your mom Doug Dollars says what’s good shorty

Are you losing your mind or did you have half a cup of coffee when you've become used to decaf?

The white in the American flag is mayo

happy may day! every right you have as a worker was written in blood ❤️

Almost posted about work. But in short, thanks everyone for using the internet, can't wait to see what we all keep making on/with/to it.

Thoughts from today

If you spot me at Google Cloud Next this week, let’s make a secret handshake. I’ll be helping run the Developer Theater. Tech checks today went well and I can’t wait to see what happens when 35,000 cloud maniacs roll over everything available.

It is nearly impossible to feel anything but love for humanity at an airport arrival waiting area. The sheer joy and emotion of these reunions, oof.

After ~20 years of commerce, apps, realtime comms, endless streaming media, AI, and more added to the average consumer's life, folks can start to see that the internet is a lot more than just 'the web'. And that it takes some wild efforts to just keep the status quo of their insatiable demand.

*Rob Zombie voice*: “Yeah”

Life status: Therapist says my dating life is exhausting.

Eat 50g of protein and see if you still feel like shit after 20 minutes. If you do, the problem is systemic.

it basically just is, but there are a lot of firefighters

“I realize your team has a high visibility and high impact on all of Google's engineering efficiencies” was a nice thing to read in an email and should probably go on the resume.

LLMs have a lot of uses, but my most frequent use, by far is "Comma-separate this list {paste of dozens of Jira issue IDs}"

Congratulations to Douglas Dollars for securing access to yet another system at work with an inscrutable name and unclear purpose, but was necessary for something you already forgot about two weeks ago. You're killing it, dog!

Listening to the new James Blake album: “this is good.” Listening to the new James Blake album on headphones: “this is gooooooood.”

Congratulations to Titanic II (2010) and Rocky (1976) on your OSCAR wins tonight. I didn’t watch the awards but I think it’s your year.

There is word of companies measuring AI productivity by their employees’ token usage and it just feels like a sign we’ve lost the technical leadership at those sort of companies that similarly knew that measuring productivity by lines of code was dumb, even fifty years ago.

Happy International Women's Day to the original International Woman

If you wake up feeling like crap some random-seeming Sunday, it was Daylight Saving