Have I just paid £2.99 in WHSmith for a Cherry Diet Coke? YES. Would I do it again? YES. (With your debit card.)

Hope lots of parents of twins have sent their little darlings to school dressed as Rozanov and Hollander for World Book Day.

A reminder of the time I ruined everyone’s day with this inescapable truth

IMPORTANT:

My favourite magazines between the ages of 8–11 were Woman, Woman's Own, Chat (when it was printed on newspaper), ancient copies of Just Seventeen, TV Times, NOTW Sunday mag – all available at my Nana's – and the Beano.

A small gossip item in my auntie’s Woman’s Own about Maxwell Caulfield visiting a nudist beach definitely helped me reach some important conclusions.

Out now! In paperback, hardback, ebook and audio!

Forever haunted by the checkout operator who watched me plonk a cucumber on the belt and said, ‘Quiet night in?’

I think about this tweet every time I feel something online start to curl its annoying little grip into my head

Oh no this is the kind of optimistic sunshine that makes me think I could rob a bank and get away with it.

This rain is my villain origin story

Something compelled me to make this

Oh my God are you middle class and on bluesky should we throw a party should we have picky bits should we invite The Rest is Politics

This week I’m meeting for lunch a friend I haven’t seen for almost 27 years and we have both agreed that the first thing out of our mouths should be “you look EXACTLY the same”

In the latest Guardian Blind Date: Blond ambition. And a cardigan convention. My, er, rather frank review:

In the latest Guardian Blind Date: Blond ambition. And a cardigan convention. My, er, rather frank review:

this is a very basic point to make but I hate that so many tech people are going "whoops haha AI is about to destroy society as we know it!" and yet incredibly few tech people are arguing in favour of just...slowing down the roll-out of AI, apparently progress must crush us and we have no say in it?

BREAKING: Rain is shit. I wrote about it.

Seeing the word ‘looksmaxxing’ automatically causes any glass I’m holding to shatter in my hand.

When you just paid for fruit.

The weather feels like a TEST

I wrote about why screen adaptations differing wildly from the book is good, actually.

never seen a better clapback to "just playing devil's advocate," this made me screech

God I hope I never grow out of putting on a moody song and staring into middle distance with a glass in my hand like I’m in a shit film.

Post a banger not in English.

In the latest Guardian Blind Date: 'We didn’t kiss but we exchanged Instas, which among gay men is close to the same thing’ My review does NOT let that one slide, believe me.

In the latest Guardian Blind Date: 'We didn’t kiss but we exchanged Instas, which among gay men is close to the same thing’ My review does NOT let that one slide, believe me.

There will be a Guardian Blind Date review going live today. impeccable.theguyliner.com

This is a hell of an era to be sober. I wrote about the concept of relapsing.

I’d rather have goatse performed to me live by the entrants in a Cecil Parkinson lookalike competition than watch The Apprentice

Alan Rickman tutted *very* loudly at me and rolled his eyes as I fumbled for my debit card to pay for drinks at the bar in the Old Vic.

@theguyliner.bsky.social I'm just over half way through the Glorious Dead and felt I had to tell you how much I'm enjoying it. So good!

I have something I call The Harry Redknapp Rule, which goes thus: if someone is caught, by fluke, doing something wildly, intricately illegal - in Redknapp's case, placing dodgy cash in a Monaco bank account in his dog's name - then it is vanishingly unlikely that this is their first such crime.

People who stand outside office buildings smoking fags in this rancid weather have my utmost respect – but also my abject pity.

Highly recommend this book in all formats. It's FABULOUS 🤩

Finally the trusty 159 is immortalised in literature.

The audiobook for THE GLORIOUS DEAD is out today and it’s brilliant. Read with gusto by the talented @liamgerrard.bsky.social [and me doing the dedication and acknowledgments] I couldn’t be happier with how it’s come to life. Available wherever you get your audiobooks. Here’s a snippet.

Have been on a train for the last two and a half hours and am pretty sure that for the passenger across the aisle I have played the role of leading misophonia activation demon.

Times like this I miss spending my Sundays rolling around the floor at an after party asking strangers to put a remix on.

Modern celebrity is so strange. Imagine Laurence Olivier and Vivien Leigh having to spend press tours hooked up to a lie detector test for Vanity Fair, reading out erotic fan letters to each other, eating hot wings, or just crying in every interview.

I wrote about the portrayal of yearning in recent queer TV shows and why it’s a good thing.

A couple of years ago I wrote about the Brooklyn Beckham conundrum and how his life has never once been off-camera.

☺️

I want several of my hardbacks to fall off a shelf in a bookshop and hit my school bullies on the head, killing them instantly.

God, who do you side with out of these two nightmares? Like choosing a favourite haemorrhoid.

PS do read The Glorious Dead by Justin Myers because it's brilliant.

I interviewed @theguyliner.bsky.social about his latest novel 'The Glorious Dead', abuses of power and conversations about grief. vadamagazine.com/features/jus...

I want to be in Paris at an outdoor café, a stunning crocheted rug over my knees and a sleeping whippet at my feet, breathing in the scent of Gauloises and Guerlain from an adjacent table, sipping a chocolat chaud and daydreaming about hair products.