Just when you thought I couldn’t get any more insufferable… I just signed up for a TWO-DAY MUSICAL IMPROV INTENSIVE 😁😁😁 I can’t be stopped

I love circuit parties, because you’ll meet the dumbest, messiest fag in history, and then learn he’s a paediatrician

You’re not gonna get me, I’m not posting a picture of myself from 2019!! 🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️🙂‍↔️ When I was a literal teenager!! Jog on!!

Oomfie put deodorant on before the COBRAH concert. So I couldn’t sniff his pits 😪

Constantly finding new ways to be a slut and today’s really surprised me ☺️🙂

Love the glimpse into the beautiful mind that notated this used copy of Moby Dick I got

Toil, Shrew will ALWAYS get me on the floor

All babies are born with only two fears: falling, and loud noises. And yet they come out making loud noises. This is to intimidate other babies

Just saw the trailer for The Odyssey and I’m so excited for how bad this could turn out 😄

I can’t believe I am just now discovering Brennan Lee Mulligan and Carey Mulligan are brother and sister!! omg

i’m a real world dermatologist. here are 17 lab chemicals you NEED to pipette on your face if you don’t want to look likes crypt keeper by 29!! they cost £69.99 each

Bored on the train and I’m on the train boreeeddddddd

I love this kind of thing but also feel like I’d be scared to permanently commit to it 👉👈 It’s like getting a tattoo on your bathroom

Can you ask to sniff someone’s pits on a first date? Asking for a friend

I don’t really have a hot take but this has objectively been one of the most interesting weeks in British politics in a long, long time. Like I’m having fun

the Upright Citizen’s Brigade industrial complex

I think this one is kinda cute ☺️

stream Midnight Sun by Zara Larrson. i am not being threatened to say this. no one is going to fire me off into deep space. just stream the song. please. or the pink pantheress remix. for the love of god, please stream the pink pantheress remix

not now kitten, Daddy has to lock in and come up with a joke about Wes Streeting that will get 5 likes on a third-tier social media app

anyway I just walked straight into a bicycle stand, bollocks first

did a blood test after putting it off for two months and could do with someone telling me I’m a Big Brave Boy now please 🙂

can’t believe i only have three more episodes of Hacks to go

got asked by someone at the gym today if i could show them how to do a tricep pushdown correctly 🥹

The lyric that tips us off that this song is about something truly nefarious is the “bombshell wind” she describes moving through her hair. What cruel wind would leave such a path of destruction? How can you read this invocation of the tools of war as anything but an image of the hostile new earth?

Need him in Pillion 2 😮‍💨

Going to get my own suit dry cleaned this week rather than asking my mum to do it because I’m a grown up and I can do it myself 🙂✌️ everybody clap please

don’t have any plans today and objectively i know i need a rest because i was out every evening last week and i’m out every evening next week but i’m BORED ☹️

I do wonder where Zara intends to go “skinny dipping with your heart out” on the tidally-locked earth. The oceans will dry out or freeze, depending on the hemisphere. There will be no lakes under the midnight sun… but in the antisolar, small pools of atmospheric gasses, cooled to liquid, may form.

No drag queens 😔✌️where is Miss Naomi Carter

one thing i do wanna know is when they go “3…2…1…blast off!” do they go on the “blast” or on the “off”? feels important

i know everyone’s job is actually harder than you think but i think i’d be really good at being the guy who does the little count down before a rocket takes off into space. vary my pitch and volume to get people more excited and stuff. throw in a little bit of crowdwork

This is a call out post! to everybody! not enough people have called me adorable lately 🥺👉👈

Zara Larrson says she feels “protected, by the moon and the stars”, and she’s right. Each crater on the far side of the moon was made by an object that, if it wasn’t for the moon, would have plummeted straight into the Earth. The Aitken crater is nearly equal in diameter to Chicxulub.

fuck you i won’t do what you tell me

It’s been so long I actually forgot what being hungover was like 😔✌️

Wake me up when it affects the world’s average condom maker

“It’s the midnight sun-kissed skin under the red sky” When the Earth sheds its atmosphere after becoming tidally locked, the sky will no longer appear blue. We will no longer live on a habitable world, and I suspect that Zara knows this

I don’t know if this makes sense but I’m the dog in this post when a top says one of his hobbies is building lego

My gender is whatever makes you horny

Zara Larrson says a never ending midnight sun would be fun, but actually if the Earth became tidally locked to the sun it would bring an end to life as we know it on this planet

I’m pretty sure my teenage boyfriend’s secret brother he didn’t know about is gay tiktok famous now. I don’t know what to do with that information, but he looks good for pushing forty and being raised in a bed of lies

Yeah I’ve had a good day

🟢 Green Party election victory ‘would trigger 4.4m surge in femboy population’ 🔗: telegraph.co.uk/business/2026/…

SLAYYYTER DID IT AGAIN

bluesky servers

my bed is so cozy and warm today but i have to get up, life is truly unfair

cum slut x

At some point soon, Artemis II is going to be the furthest away from Earth than any crewed spacecraft has ever been. At that point, exactly one crew member is going to be sat in the spot on the ship the furtherest away from Earth. I, for one, hope they all try to push each other out of it 🤭

so annoying you cant DM yourself shit for later on here 😔✌️