♫ He shouldn’t have run ♫ He shouldn’t have tried ♫ They found coke in the sleigh ♫ And an old forty-five ♫ Santa Claus is going downtown

❄️☃️🌨️🥶

I fucked around and still didn't find out, what am I missing here???

The illusion of warmth. #Photography

My heart is full this holiday season 🥰 I’m truly blessed with the gift of you! 🖤💋

♫ and a partridge in a bear tree

Surviving? That's too easy. Be a fucking fighter and set your goal on thriving. Congrats on all your success this week. I hope you have an excellent weekend spending needed time with family and friends. I’m gonna clean, wrap and relax this weekend. Go kick some Friday ass❣️ Much Peace & Love✌🏻♥️💋🌹🎶😘🥃

Time to roll out!

They say do what you love and that is why I’m doing nothing.

The sooner you let go of the people and things you can't control, the sooner you'll find yourself on the path to happiness. Your peace is non-negotiable. When a thunderstorm of anxiety swirls around you, turn inwards to find your sunshine. Go kick some humpday ass❣️ Much Peace & Love ✌🏻♥️💋☕️☀️🌅🌹

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Need me today? I’ll be right here 💕

🥃

💋

Don’t make me thumbs up react you

“You can’t be serious” is the ninja of compliments.

*calls mom* put the word out, im back on my bullshit

Before you sit down, make sure you can reach the remote.

It turns out that anybody can be a greeter at Walmart. You don't even have to work there.

i like my women how i like my winters, cold, dark and unpredictable

This too, shall suck.

Nite 😘

Toasty

Conflicted. I've got to boogie on the disco 'round, oh yea. Yet I do not love the nightlife.

Dear heavenly father… we lift our soldiers, sailors, marines, airman, Coast Guard , first responders and their families into your loving care. Protect our nation from all that is evil and guide our way through any difficult times. Amen! 🙏🏻 Thank you for your service 🇺🇸 go Caps 🏒 Much Peace & Love ✌🏻♥️

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POLICE OFFICER [reading me my rights]: Anything you say can and will be held against you ME: …boobies

I always carry a piece of paper in my pocket just in case someone ever tries to attack me with a rock

#MondayMotivation There is no need to inflate all of your inflatable lawn Christmas decorations this year. Just scattered them around the yard. Follow me here for holiday ideas, decorating advice, and more fucking goofy nonsense...😉🤣😂

I am the undispoted kong of typos

You have the strength to persevere through any challenge, and that's something you should be so proud of. Color your life with vibrant moments of love and laughter. Thank you for loving me and making me laugh 🥰 Hope you had an excellent weekend. Go kick some Monday Ass❣️ Much Peace & Love ✌🏻♥️💋🥰🌹

i wanna take this relationship to the next level. food court is upstairs, tell me now if what we have is real.

As a stay home dad, one of my jobs is to keep my wife's stomach full and her uterus empty.

Fuck micro plastics. I'm only eating whole grain plastics from now on.

You’re a golden sunset, bringing us colors we hadn't even realized we needed. When you fall in love with someone's personality, everything about them becomes beautiful. When someone makes you smile, you’re given you a gift. You’re my gift! Go kick some Thursday ass❣️ Much Peace & Love✌🏻♥️💋🎶

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I'm here for moron support. It's like moral support except I'm a dumbass

Your dreams are part of your soul. Believe in them, because you deserve to believe in yourself. There will always be voices telling you what to do and how to act. It's up to you to keep the voice in your heart louder. 😘 Go kick some humpday ass❣️ Much Peace & Love ✌🏻♥️💋

Black lace just hugs differently 🖤

Every day, you have the power to impact someone's day in a huge way. Make sure it's a positive impact. Your power exists in the present moment. Stand up, take action, and make it fucking happen. Choose to be happy this week. Hope you had an awesome weekend. 😘 Much Peace & Love ✌🏻♥️💋🥰🎶

Still in the spirit 🎃👻💀

Something in the orange 🧡 youtu.be/lA8F9sIhGdg?...

🍳🎶

Mornin

I have the ability to eat bread and cheese and stare into a fire for basically an unlimited amount of time and for this I think I would have made a good peasant

Going to traumatize older kids who are trick or treating by shouting “six seven” every time I open the door.

Welcome to your 50's. You now take pics of the parking spot before you leave your car, then get excited when you find it exactly where you'd left it.