My chud ass plant children

Found some heat at the thift store

Richmond im am Inside you

Mexican restaurant im at is playing a mariachi cover of hey there Delilah

Walks into gas station Wisdom saving throw (18)

It's an endless cycle.

1300 pounds of lead pipes from an organ

Diagnosed with a believable amount of swag

Google make a wojak out of this clown

Jhon Crouton

It doesn't matter how many times I fix something on my car everytime it feels like a god Damm miracle

Everytime I rub my hands together I think of guy who was raised by flies

She said she was into bad boys so i stole her catalytic converter

*Nibbles on your brake lines*

We're having guest over bring out the fine china

Barely resisting the siren song of the gas station hot dog

Walks into gas station (D20 wisdom saving throw) (20) I shouldn't get a hotdog

I tried it for 20 mins it sucks

Not sure if this cigar is really good or if im drunk enough to where it dont mayer

This week feels like it's been a month long

Boss changed the plan again and added another day onto the install

Some SICK FUCK just ordered two chili dogs at 9 am on a wednesday at this sheetz

Boss has changed the plan 5 times fml

Boss turned a 1 day part swap into a 3 day install just cause he wanted to

The tea they have in this hotel lobby is so ass

I have made a lot of bad decisions this weekend and the events of today will be my retribution

Need to get a harmonica so I can do dumbass bits

*vaporizes you with giant laser beam from space* get vaporized with a giant laser beam from space doofus, only a complete dink would get vaporized by a giant laser beam from space whata dumbass

Fuck turbo tax

I miss my command grab

Due to the removal of winter mantis command grab on axl I will retire from playing guilty gear stive and will become a competitive jojos all-star battle r player

It me birthday

April fools day is just a normal day for someone like me

if zato=1 is so good why haven't we gotten zato=2

I was literally just thriving before all this happened 😵‍💫 “black site” out now

Can they just stab him 23 times and name a salad after him already

all my jeans keep tearing in the crotch area because my wiener is too average sized

Went to Burger land

Tbh I thought chuck Norris was already dead and i thought people just were making chuck Norris jokes after he died because he was just that badass

Seniors dni

accounts that just randomly retweet a post i make seconds after its posted just to get my attention piss me off

I'm like Shakespeare if he was bad at writing

Do you think it still works

oh great heavens

Boy dinner

The leprechaun that got caught in my glue trap gnawed of his own foot to escape

Get a load of this guy

Pretzel dog