Sick sad and sleepy™️

It’s him, Toast Malone

Most used phrases right now: “I love you don’t do that” “I don’t negotiate with terrorists” Both to Toast obviously.

The screm I skremt when Harrison Ford walked in singing the Indy theme in the latest ep of Shrinking

Teef

happy valentines day gamer girls #blender3d

Perfect casting for this www.empireonline.com/movies/news/...

Smol boy

Toast vs. rain

All the better to bite you with

Me, oh wow a text how exciting someone thought of me. Nope, it’s literally for the dog.

The face of a boy who istg better sleep for the rest of the day after a huge day of being an absolute horror all morning, followed by his first car ride, followed by being the naughty kid in class for the first day of puppy school, followed by his first tram ride

What are we all getting me for Valentine’s Day

Boye

Ok though for real I’m okay with power outages but my tiny puppy needs the aircon stat 😩

Toast fan account

Toast post 🍞

[lips pressed directly on mic] yes

No matter how many puppies I’ve raised, ✨nothing✨ has prepared me for trying to do it while living alone 👹

This is Toast 🍞

oh it's going to be a Recession recession

I genuinely think my body has forgotten how to sleep. Every single night for weeks, I go to bed shattered and fall asleep immediately, then wake up half an hour later and lie wide awake all night. Rinse and repeat.

would be really cool if new film 28 DAYS LATER: THE BONE TEMPLE had a winking emoji at the end as official part of the title

That took a turn

Everyone asking me how I budgeted for my latest Lego purchases but jokes on them, I scammed the system and ordered them on New Year’s Eve so they don’t even come out of my 2026 budget 😎

[waking up]:

How to Keep a Girl Forever

Merry new year I love you probably

If all I achieved for 2025 was (barely, so far) surviving depression then at least I can now add that I cable managed the absolute shit out of my desk 🙏

My sparkle has absolutely disappeared over the last year and there’s no one here to see it’s inevitable return but I’ll do it for dogs everywhere 🐶✨

2025 recapped

stranger things are just kinda like normal things for a guy like me

Blue Winter Birds 💙❄️

Born to I am Baby, Forced to Daddy

The queen of bad dreams over here

Chaos and madness from the creators that excel at it

wow I wonder what movie she is seeing there’s no way anyone could ever guess

Ah yes time to emotionally wreck myself once again

huge if true

Thinking of renaming my depression “a case of the don’t wanna be heres”

Day 15 Cowboy shark カウボーイなサメたち🦈🤠🌵 #Sharktober2025 #Sharktober

Sometimes you just have to heal your inner child by buying the Micro Machines fish delivery van with the little cat inside that you kept in your bumbag with all your Monster in my Pockets in 1990.

I often forget I have a septum ring because I’ve had it for so much of my life but then I get x-rays and my skeleton looks so punk

At the age of “my friends are having entire second children before remembering to tell me their wives are pregnant again”

Not entirely sure why I don’t have a grilled cheese in bed with me but I’m not happy about it

we still don't have a method of diagnosing endometriosis without surgery, btw, but i'm glad we've taken the time to see how it affects men