you ever walk by a place you’ve only ever ordered delivery from before? like damn there she is

speed-running having hobbies so i can relax at 42

i dont believe people who have a lot of old style tattoos. Oh you love betty boop? okay

when i say jfc i am referring to james fenimore cooper

why did they have one of these couples just film themselves omg this show is a government-created distraction

“what are your philly friends like?” me:

Need a book recommendation? Fighting with your best friend? Not sure how to ask that guy to prom? In high school, you’d simply consult that secular oracle: your English teacher. Welcome to our advice column, Ask a Teacher. Take it away, Corey Beasley:

"I enjoy our new slay pope in the only way that is possible to enjoy anything lately: By knowing that it upsets the worst people on earth." Jess Keefe on our newest and possibly most down-bootsest Pope:

I am once again here to ask: do these people not know about text messages

good morning babies! despite many saying “they’ll never post online” we’re back for you with Issue #2. head to regularmag.com for all your updates on: -tattoo dysmorphia -ancient chatbots -internet boyfriends AND MORE:

dumb brain getting in the way of your search for cosmic purpose? join the CLUB. Jess Keefe on finding spirituality under the brain rot:

Simply vote the baton off your neck!

when i accidentally happen upon the Fat Tuesday’s in Philadelphia I am reminded that there are others living lives you’ve never imagined

@thelindsayb.bsky.social on getting 1% worse every day:

Let’s make 2026 the year we erase the song Imagine from the collective consciousness

if you like Heated Rivalry, might I recommend: whacking it to gay porn

tired: everything's computer wired: fewer things will be computer

When they say “but she’s supposed to be an unlikable main character!” i don’t think they mean the way I hate carol sturka’s every word

yeah i like watching andor. seinfeld and/or frasier

“ghosts on cbs is actually a funny and charming showwwwwww” I scream as they drag me off to cheugy jail

i love gross flavored energy drinks but i dont need that much caffeine. but u cant just be an adult drinking like, caffeine-free gummy worm soda. no solution for this unfortunately

when someone says Die Hard is their favorite Christmas movie and they think they are being quirky, it is your responsibility to remain stone faced and say “oh cool”. we cannot give in to this type of thing in 2025

I would probably drink whiskey much more if it looked the way it looks on TV dramas, like it looks gorgeous

I have to say: football posts suck. Not funny. Just always exasperated. Hate when I get tricked into reading one. Makes me glad I don’t watch football because no one can even complain about it in a funny way. In conclusion: PEE YEW

if you say “this tastes like play-doh” and someone goes “how would you know what play-doh tastes like?” you don’t need that person around. no imagination ass

ya know what, why not

this is how triscuits taste

steal money from bank send to my account this is a poem btw

i feel a little bad for my cat when i smoke weed. So yeah i think i’d be a pretty responsible parent

cool thing about AI is now all the dumb shit i enjoy became a moral stance overnight. write a bad essay? look at cat? eat egg? hear song? good because not computer

churus for people when

and when they had finished sarah snook, unto them i gave claire danes 🙏

republicans believe poor people deserve to suffer because they're lazy and weak, whereas the democrats have a much lengthier explanation

when u dont have creative work to do, doing something creative seems like the best thing in the world. when u have creative work to do, eating some rice in the dark seems like the best thing in the world

do these people…not…use text messages

Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.

going to the grocery store when its already dark out in the winter top 5 worst fuckin vibes

nobody needs to say anymore “you can actually make a healthy and filling meal with a pot of rice and beans” everyone on earth has been informed

As a society we must find a way to separate antisemitism and hating Dave Portnoy

soo hard being in a mixed reading-aloud-signs-out-the-window relationship

not me being too tired to go to my sleep study. hack as hell

posting about voting but u have no manners, bro ur worried about the wrong Common Pleas

me 3 houra before a show: its fine just say your exact jokes the way you wrote them!! me 3 minutes before a show: say 😈 something 😈 random

my boomer opinion is that halloween is ON halloween and all this other nonsense needs to stop

the immediate tension between me and anyone who is coming to get a Buy Nothing pickup

a handy guide: if you’re TAKING nudes you’re ovulating. if you’re getting MAD about how good your old nudes were you’re in the luteal phase

ok i just learned everyone thinks it sounds exactly like a post malone song. apologies i am not the right kind of straight for this discourse

opalite sounds like a song that already exists?? Like not a specific song that i can think of it just has a “this already exists” vibe

you can hear a surprising new cover of “jolene” at any moment. it can come from anywhere