I hope when I pass away, all of the love that is ever abundant within me, passes into the soil. I want the Earth to know how much love there is in me, for itself and all of its creations. I hope it spreads with the waves, can be heard when winds speak, and will be felt when the sun shines.

I'm UK born but reckon no thug is going to want to stop and check my passport.. It's scarier than when i was a kid. I keep seeing 'millions must go' comments under posts about the riots. Heartbreaking what happened to the young lad, it's really haunting and disturbing. What a time to be alive

It’s hard for me to keep up with things right now. Emotionally and otherwise. I’m trying though. 😪

Trying to learn a new craft - crochet. Haven’t had much energy/motivation for painting/art this week. And non verbal/offline brain. Learned knitting some years ago but don't think my brain can handle that either atm. It's taken me most of this week to finally produce a magic ring and chain.

THESE GUYS got NHS ethics approval? THESE FUCKIN GUYS? but if I want to talk to people about iatrogenic harm it's gonna take a year and a half and a pinky swear not to ask anything too triggering?

NHSE now sending out recruitment packs for AI companies wanting your literal blood which is somehow considered less risky by an ethics board than an interview study asking about suicide

there's not even a specific research question. it's just give us your data, in perpetuity as far as I can see, and we will "answer questions like" this list. this isn't informed consent! how did this make it through an NHS ethics committee @england.nhs.uk ??

In further terrible research ethics news, here is another study scraping a lived experience reddit community's posts without consent. onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10....

My role in an orchestra. The school band, mine a brass instrument Brass, strings and wind. A conductor collecting our orchestral sounds. Listen for the cue, count myself in. Royal Festival Hall engineered for sound What an honour Would it have made a difference if you'd have come see me play?

youtu.be/TpO_8tk6yNQ?... Comforting Sorrow in Sound - Olafur Arnalds

Nihilistic Sorrow. This world moves and I stand mesmerised. Shapes and colours set in motion Miracles of the mind Flickering shadows lighting dance Fleeting light Familiar voices, whisper and sound My perpetual question - is this reality? Offerings of comfort in the salient night 26.05.26

I know the value of research but what a thing to be on a team of researchers who extract faeces from one to transplant it to the gut of another. Only to find that shit contained a healthy serotonin precursor and improved mental health. Crazy reality

My sign of the westernised world is signing into a zoom webinar called 'understanding bereavement support. And receive a lecture being read word for word from a script, in one universal tone summarising the research on a sample of people with Prolonged Grief Disorder.

We Have Enough Dead Friends by Lena Oleanderson

Bringing back cartoons into my mornings. Bank holidays like this

Met a friendly little dog named Boo at the café today. He seemed like a very social being and I couldn't help but draw the little fella. He left before I could finish drawing

💖 may we evolve with unity & love, like the animals 🖤🤍🤎

Gelato shop has opened up again. Stopped by for the first time this season and didnt have to queue long

Another top activity for me is a a hike/walk. Being able to enjoy the quiet wildlife noise away from drowning sounds of traffic and city. The practice of one foot in front of the other and spacy moments to take it all in

The stunning beauty of the Seven Sisters waterfall Meghalaya, India 🇮🇳

"Three young Barn Owls looking out of the quatrefoil of a church in North Norfolk."

Top activity to do with loved ones is singing and dancing in unison

Danielle Mckinney - Chrysalis

Celeste Roberge’s sculpture “The Weight of Grief” #art

You’re tired of hearing it. We’re tired of living it.

I met with my clinical lead & general manager today, & I felt really heard & understood by both. For all the various 'wellness' interventions promoted these days in big organisations, I just don't think you can beat being heard & understood by your leads. It's so strengthening.

Here's a reminder: fruit and vegetables are fruit and vegetables. Canned, frozen, fresh, whatever you can afford, and whatever is easiest for you to consume is ok. Don't let the internet make nutrition complicated. ♡ #nourishyourbody

Basically..

Walking the dog Norwegian style 🇳🇴

I’m grieving people who passed on, grieving the way I thought life would look, and I’m grieving connections that I didn’t necessarily want to lose, but probably needed to. But we trust that what God removes, He replaces with better. And I know those who passed on are covering me still. Gratitude.

When I get back from Norway I start with Second Step. I am already on another wait list for sudden bereavement therapy but they offer light check ins in the first six months. Even though H died last June. D'S Loss has been so disorientating and compounded by other unhelpful factors

En route to Norway and borderline irritable. Of course there's a toddler screaming nearby and I'm experiencing waves of emotion. Hopefully meeting my friends and the change of scene helps gain some perspective. The Guest House by Rumi is fitting.

Tonight's aurora was pretty extraordinary. Here is a real-time video showing the rapid motion and vivid colors. All I could do while watching this was smile and laugh.. it's a pretty unique feeling seeing the sky move like this. Good night!

Had a chill afternoon at the Easter Sculpture Festival in Bristol. I picked up a selection of plants for a good price too. Ended the day in Ps friendly local pub eating delicious jackfruit wings and playing board games with P and his teens. P drove me home early and I'm already in bed.

Just a few more Isle of May Puffins from this morning (why not). Interestingly they headed out to sea this afternoon probably to feed when the weather calmed.

This event looks really interesting

Already in bed and have the underblanket on low so bed feels cosy. Met with CC in person today. Things had got off to a bad start but she seemed to hear me out today and i felt something shift. We're meeting on the phone in a few weeks. Still feel dissociated but understandable.

P stopped by after work. I cooked us both a noodle stir fry and then we went for a sunset ramble to catch up. We hadn't talked much since D's funeral. My friends are blessings. it felt good to share with him the spiritual things that have been happening and he was very curious. Love that.

Always mesmerised by this mural at Leeds train station. The drama is inescapable. It looms large as the train pulls into the station. trying to recreate something similar in my sketchbook. a challenge i'm enjoying

I last shaved my hair off 10 years ago. It's a liberating act. It rejects beauty ideals I rarely align to, but it's also empowering. Shaved head is also one less thing to take care of. My life is mad right now, so i want to be liberated. Get rid of it all. Don't care if I'm 'ugly' after either.

At that point again, in life where I want to shave all my hair off. The urge is so deep that I've reasoned with myself to shave off the back lower part of my head first and see. But do I do it myself or go to the barbers. I have shears and scissors 🤔

I'm still in bed exhausted. The price I pay. Goal for today, speak to GP. Get out of bed. Continue to work on the watercolour portrait of D. Eat, drink water, and take meds.

There's a Rumi quote that I have on my desk for every time I feel despair about this. "And don't think the garden loses its ecstasy in winter. It's quiet, but the roots are down there, riotous."

The wonderful bird sounds hiking to Arthur's Seat/Holyrood Park, Edinburgh. I recognised the great tit as they often perch on the tree outside my living room window. Jackdaws are in the local nature reserve - but a chaffinch? 🤔

#CapeCod #Poetry #Painting #Spring It is morning, and again I am the lucky person to be in it Mary Oliver 🎨 Kaoru Yamada

Dehydrated hummingbird being rescued.

Dissociation, feeling unreal. Sometimes fleeting, sometimes hypnagogic hallucinations. Withdrawal...lack of sleep..grief..trauma

Clearly medications are life-changing for many people, but I do feel as a health service we under-appreciate the value of supporting people to live better lives in context. But it's like we do the medical bit, then expect people to fend for themselves with everything else.

In sync and aligned. They feel like home. Early night for me today, I'm spent and lost. A sunset without you. A soothing bathroom light. I still breathe, there's still hope while I stare pain in the face. It is a miracle and a blessing to wake up and see another day. Love always DGW 18.03.2026.

A moment today by the little lake. 18.03.2026