I laughed because I am 14.

Lindsey Graham’s funeral procession will make three sudden U-turns and end up at Mar-a-Lago.

Look in the mirror, man. That horse left the barn years ago.

Looks like soccer games taking place on those two fields. No, sorry, that's the "crowds" for Trump's big fair.

"Breathe (2 a.m.)" by Anna Nalick

I believe the word used to describe Donald Trump (coglione) is Italian for testicle, but it used more generally to refer to a "boorish asshole." In other words, no errors detected.

I love how no one has the little bit of courage to tell him “sir, it looks bad when you’re drifting off on live TV” All terrified of becoming his latest fall guy 🤷🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

What kind of political system is it when one little dweeb burrowed completely up the president's ass gets to control the pace at which the United States government functions? Some country you got there.

Funny how the all the people ransacking the Capitol on January 6 were liberals, plants, and ANTIFA—until there was money to be made from it.

Every so often I just like to remember this tweet exists.

In 2013, Donald Trump sued Bill Maher for $5 million after Maher challenged Donald to produce a birth certificate to prove he isn’t the "spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan."

It makes me smile that Trump thinks he looks like Elvis. But, in fairness, Donald probably does look like Elvis looks *now* . . .

But what is "illegal" really? it's such an old-fashioned word, like, you know, groceries.

"It's My Life" by No Doubt

"Huntsville" by Ken Yates

Great. Now somebody has to take 15 minutes explaining "faits accomplis" to Trump.

Today, two (two!) men ran sub two-hour marathons for the first time in human history and the news is nowhere to be found on the ESPN or Sports Illustrated home pages. One of the greatest feats in sports history and it’s less important than the final round of the NFL Draft.

No ballroom for trump, give him some thoughts and prayers and a bulletproof backpack. That's what schoolchildren get.

Looks or brains? FOX always picks the looks.

And once again, He failed to get the job done.

That’s more than 7 times the 1.21 GW Doc needed to send Marty back in time.

Westlake’s humour was savage.

Yeah geez weird impossible to know I guess

For those of you playing along at home, exactly 14 hours and 5 minutes passed between the New York Times news alert reporting that the Strait of Hormuz was “fully open” and the one reporting that Iran had closed it again…

I'll have what they're having.

Quite frankly anyone travelling to the US voluntarily gets no sympathy from me. They know what they are getting into. news.sky.com/story/englan...

Just got off the phone with the president. He told me a bunch of obvious lies but I’m going to post them anyway because I want everyone to know I just got off the phone with the president.

"All Falls Down" by Lizzy McAlpine

"Crack The Case" by Dawes

Is that the correct nounification?

Iran, please wait in line until your number is called.

"Little Darlin'" by The Diamonds

The only thing more terrifying than a missile is transparency.

“Karen has no criminal record. She is a grandmother who spent eight years working as an admin assistant at a primary school before her retirement. ‘I don’t even have parking tickets…’”

are you a music-first listener or a lyrics-first listener? I’m a music-first listener so I always judge a song based on whether I like how it sounds and most of the time idgaf about the lyrics

His speechwriter secretly hates him.

For those of us not in the cult, this is what we hear when anyone from the Trump administration speaks. For the people in the back, this is satire and so well done…

But will he die already? No.

Usually, it's the Kool-Aid.

All I wanted for Christmas was that one of those times the ignoramus nodded off, he never woke up again. But no. Thanks a lot, Santa.

And just generally in a bad mood.

Eight's juuuuust on the young side. He's got standards, you know.

Yes, the Golden Gate Bridge is—famously—in Southern California.

Can't? What has "can't" ever meant to a criminal president who knows all the guardrails are gone? Wake the f--k up and stop pretending rules apply to him.

*Googles "Michael Crawford"*

Just another monument that (a) probably won't happen and (b) would be joyfully removed anyway, the minute the orange pig is gone. But it's such an enormous pile now, erasing all his bullshit could take years.

When parody is so spot-on you can't distinguish it from an actual sentence of NYT reporting ...

Are these devoted followers "troubled" or "concerned"? Speaking of deranged ...

Donald Trump is objectively one of the worst humans to have ever poisoned the planet. Good people don't support him. They simply don't. His supporters need to be rejected by decent human beings. johnpavlovitz.substack.com/p/no-good-pe... Rob Reiner