18a has an issue. She knocks on my bedroom door, then enters without waiting for confirmation that it's OK. This morning, I informed her that sometimes I sleep naked so this is a terrible idea. She just did it AGAIN. Looked her dead in the eye and said "What if I'd been masturbating just now?"

Apologize to your children when you fuck up. Which you will a lot. Work on doing better. Show them the process. Let them see your humility and your work.

Am I about to engage in my third orgy of the weekend? Yes. Yes, I am.

I have been nicknamed "Strawberry Tallcake" for my red hair and height and I kinda love it...

Tonight was a good night to flop down naked on a bed, declare that I would like some company and then enjoy the attentions of seven delightful partners. And then make plans with two lovely folks I missed for tomorrow...

In a Discord chat where someone jokingly stated that penis measurements are only allowed to be discussed in metric, and a participant stated theirs is 0.00014605 km long...😂😂😂

Love being a polyamorous mom and having all my motherfuckers wish me a happy Mother's Day...😂

Today I realized that May is both Masturbation Month and Stroke Awareness Month and I'm giggling at the double entendre.

18b asked me tonight if I know what an "Eiffel Tower" is. To my credit, I did not... - feign ignorance and ask her to explain - burst out laughing - say "oh yeeeaaaah" and then sigh happily - tell her I've done the thing on the very bed she was sitting on I just said "yep" and left it at that.

sorry but our politics problem isn't just "republicans bad." another huge part of it is that "too many democrats bad" and "too many democrats weak." you dont get to bad republicans having power if you wont address the other two.

Can we please make "gerontocrat" a thing? Please?

This is going to be my summer of getting railed in a cute little sundress. You are never too old to get railed in a cute little sundress. #50andFabulous

This is Peak Buffalo behavior. Love it!!!

"The findings show that the talks frame pornography almost exclusively in negative terms. Most speakers advance controversial and normatively charged claims, ignore counter-evidence, and promote explicitly anti-pornographic arguments." [ Full article paywalled ] #porn #sexuality #research

Dear 18a, Yes, I know you dislike that I am non-monogamous. Please note that the only reason you are aware of this situation is your penchant for snooping. So walk to the nearest mirror and take your anger up with the person you see there. Sincerely, Me

"I couldn't find any Pepsi...only booze, bolt cutters and condoms." - The Curler's comment after an unsuccessful search for caffeine at my house.

Get you a partner who sends you giant weighted jellyfish plushies with sparkly eyes and so many fuzzy tentacles...

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID I DO???

Best part of my drive home from Easter with the family was passing my ex-husband toodling along the highway at 5 under the speed limit. Eat my exhaust, grandma...😂

I have a weed, piercings and ramen friend date tonight. Cannot overstate how happy I am with my life choices.

It's the moooooost wonderful time of the year... April Fool's Day sex toys are dropping! Get a Cocktagon or some Dillumination at @funkittoys.bsky.social There's a Dicktater at @uberrimedildos.bsky.social

Sharing for everyone who will appreciate this delightful, peppy and hopefully tune... I have a bottle of bubbly chilled and a standing invite to a bonfire/orgy when It Happens.

Bonus! It's the cocktagon! It's back! All 8 sides of it! New and improved! one of my first april fools toys, and it's been out of the rotation for 8 years, as far as anyone can tell. who's counting. It's funnier this way, let me have it. It might even be true.

Rule #1 - Don't ask the crowd a question if you're not sure how they'll respond...

It is time to get pics of the toys on dry land...

Nothing like a swim in the dildo pool on a Sunday night...

Friendly reminder to all: Get your appropriate cancer screenings (mammogram, colonoscopy, skin check, etc.). I had two likely pre-cancerous polyps yeeted today before they could cause bigger trouble! Also, I was a DELIGHT after the anesthesia.

That moment when you send your boss a link to @funkittoys.bsky.social website because she's curious about your friend who makes dildos...

The drunk uncle theory. You don’t argue with the casually homophobic uncle at Thanksgiving dinner to change his mind; you argue so that the closeted cousin at the kids table knows there’s safe people and better possibilities out there

Mamdani apparently just pulled the kid out of the Omelas hole. Turns out we could've done it anytime

New sex discovery: CEILING PORN Use a mini projector to put your favorite porn on the ceiling. Hop in bed with partner(s) and enjoy the ease of pleasuring each other while watching your favorite hotness...until you are so worked up watching is no longer the priority.

I'm snowed in and just sang a duet with myself to Hazbin Hotel's "Loser" using a vibrator as a microphone. How are you today?

Text exchange between my 21 year old eldest offspring and me. I don't pull punches or sugarcoat anything when discussing her father's behavior at this point.

i am so sick of the dumbest people alive being in charge of everything and the second dumbest people alive writing opinion columns about how it's good

Had to go back to the NYE party house to retrieve my bra. It was a very fun night!

I don't know if this happens to other people, but sometimes a meme reminds me so much of someone in my life that my brain reads it in their voice. And then I know I have to send it to that person.

Discovered Wordle now has a feature where you can create your own puzzle and send it to anybody you want. Immediately tried to see what sexual/sexy words it would take, because I am a mature adult.

18b is on the dating apps. This has led to some very deep conversations about toxic masculinity. She has only ever dated other women and she is curious about men. But also pretty terrified.

I love watching my partners flirt with new people. @thecurler3.bsky.social currently has the attention of a gay dom, and I am cheering this on!!!

That moment when Facebook decides to suggest your ex-husband as a friend...to your boyfriend. I have no idea if it suggested The Curler to The Ex. If so, it's possible that he could have learned I'm dating a married man.

PSA for business traveling friends: Grubhub/Doordash/Uber Eats can be used to get a vibrator delivered to your hotel. Look for a CVS, Walgreen's or other regular store that carries a few vibes and get your buzz on.

The Curler: That wasn't very ladylike. Me: Things That Aren't Going to Change for a thousand, Alex... (Note: the ladylike thing is a running joke, he's not an asshole. 😂)

My traditional San Diego airport breakfast is Panda Express orange chicken, but this flight is too early for that. I opted for Jack in the Box Extreme Sausage because of course I did.

"So Dad finally came over to hang my shelves. He put one hole in the wall and decided he needed a different drill bit. Left all his tools behind and hasn't been back. Now I not only don't have shelves, there's a hole in the wall and I'm tripping over his shit." - 18a

so the new york times could very well have destroyed donald trump's presidential run due to epstein back in 2015 but chose not too. awesome. 🙄

My takeaway from every new Epstein revelation is that some powerful people victimized many powerless young women, many more knew, some actively enabled it--and we're still being told that MeToo and accountability for sexual violence have gone too far

Oh look, the completely predictable outcome happened...

Well, my plans are sorted for 11/22! Friends, if any of you are gonna be in DC too, let me know! www.removetheregime.com

Update: Things are not improving. And I'm sick.