was NewsAIDS already taken

who will rid me of this meddlesome democracy

Bryan Johnson watches every David Cronenberg film nodding along saying, "yes... yesssssss"

The one and only reliable way to upload your brain to the internet and free yourself from this pathetic biological substrate is taking a bath with an AI-enabled smart toaster

Bryan Johnson, infamous former CEO turned longevity biohacker, died today of natural causes after a grand piano, approaching the speed of light, absolutely vaporized his silly flesh armor

Dr Peterson, the mold is coming from inside the body

bonk dog meme dot jpeg

every time I click that god damn blue notification icon I whisper, "alright, now this one is going to change everything"

The brand new Atlanta Meow Wolf Airport brings an exciting twist to a traditionally mundane experience. Navigate labyrinthine sewers to your terminal or discover new culinary wonders in our food court bookshelf maze. We commit thousands of ADA violations per day.

How to be served child support papers like an Alpha

we have consulted with the big bad wolf regarding little pig house construction and they assured us that straw is more than sufficient

I try to fly Delta as often as I can cause it's more about the journey than the destination - and I fucking love overnight camping in airports

Trump is illiterate you imbecile

in my day we used to play video games and fantasize about cartoon violence towards anyone that made us watch them play video games

taking the Laphroaig tour in Islay and only ordering apple juice

I got invited to perform at the Riyadh Comedy Festival in Saudi Arabia - the standup comedy capital of the world

AI ENGINEERING CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE

Meta's girlfriend AI's use chain-of-thot reasoning. Thank you and good night.

in a marginally more just world, Trump is some TMZ hack wasting away his life gossiping about tawdry bullshit

look at these freaks

I have a joke about how great freedom of speech is, but I'm afraid I'm not allowed to say it

Gerrymandering is actually a relatively recent neologism. It used to be called ratfucking representative democracy.

Pancreatic Cancer is good, actually

Patient, sobbing: But Doctor, I AM Pagliacci! ChatGPT: Apologies. I didn't realise when recommending Pagliacci's epic show to cure your depression that you were the genius himself. I'm impressed! With regards to your initial question, I can recommend seeing the Great Clown Pagliacci.

I have to get a new debit card every 6 months, and yes, I proactively email Nigerian princes first to gain the upper hand, and no, this is not related

Dean Cain died today after tumbling out the back of a van in a Santa Monica Home Depot parking lot, accidentally shooting himself in the pancreas.

GPT-5 will now be able to fuck my wife while I'm at work being fucked by my boss, thanks Sam!

In 1970, at the age of 42, the revolutionary mathematician Alexander Grothendieck abruptly disappeared. He left the field of mathematics; he left his wife and his three children. Twenty-two years later, two mathematicians became determined to find him.

becoming radicalized upon discovering new string pinsetting bowling technology

Kind of a haunting precedent that America’s dumbest newspeople are going “yeah sure I believed in a deepfake saying things you never said but the deepfake did sound like you so really it’s your problem”

Petition for Jon Voight to Join ICE

look at the craven sluts

send his frog ass to the Hague 2028

come on guys, let's hear what the child sex trafficker has to say about this

I am going to be a massive humorless asshole about woo-woo shit, no matter how seemingly harmless, for the rest of my life due to this. astrology, homeopathic medicine, etc etc it's all bullshit and it's not fucking harmless. there are people who will die due to this who would have otherwise lived.

Make Pancreatic Cancer Great Again

this steak tartar is cooked

"80 million jobs were added in june, very nice very nice. 300 million jobs added in july, even better. but this month mr president, 2 billion jobs were added," I confidently declare, doing the easiest job in the world so i can own a home in a walkable neighborhood

I don't really understand why this sort of boastful incuriosity from a tech reporter is celebrated.

we looked into it and there were actually eleventy two billion new jobs created in July alone, your majesty

my labubus on fleek fr fr

comedy* is legal again! *child sex trafficking

Tried a Korean hot dog for the first time last night. Crispy ramen whole mozz. Didn't realize that whole mozz meant all cheese, no hot dog. Is anyone ordering that intentionally? This will haunt me forever.

he was wearing underwear, so the vendor legally needed to sell him pierogies

Copilot astoundingly fails to make passable PowerPoint slides, but yea, sure, fuck it. Slop City.

Emil Bove is 44 yet looks like Roy Cohn after he died of AIDS

Every time someone says "preexisting conditions" a wild Luigi appears

Gemini is so rAnDoM

pay me $13,000 to replace my blood entirely with micro plastics - I need to pay off my Toyota Corolla hybrid