I get it already, I'm old.

Get in loser we’re making it 1996 again through science and magic

Today years old when I learned I can spontaneously develop a canker sore that alters the shape of my face and my ability to speak.

Infinite money glitch for my affection is to take literally any intellectual property and add “64” to the end of it.

Democrats potentially throwing away Michigan and Maine in a cycle where they might win Texas is fucking extraordinary.

The word Actually is doing some insane fucking lifting here.

Total nonsense. I’m so happy.

You can use AI in a way where your flyer does not look like AI, but the people who are curious enough to figure that out aren’t using AI to begin with.

folks…

Republicans say James Talarico ordered a vegan taco. Democrats say that it wasn't vegan because it had both egg and cheese—doubling down on the cultural elitism that has cost them so dearly in recent elections.

May my sophomore Honors English teacher rue the day he gave me a B.

If I lived in Maine (ranked choice voting), I would pick Platner over Collins but not before I exhausted every other third party candidate on the ballot first.

They should invent a way to tan without sleeping for 18 hours the next day.

I hate gay Halloween what do you mean you’re John Travolta in his c*nty beret.

The Paxton effect.

If you’ve ever watched Nirvanna the Band the Show and wondered what the people who work at the Rivoli thought about it, boy are you in luck today.

Ranking levels of attractiveness as if every permutation of joy isn’t the best in its own way is such pick-me behavior.

This is not AI but it spiritually feels like AI.

"Talarico is a vegan." "Paxton pardoned a pedophile." "Uh, well, Talarico says God is nonbinary or something?" "Paxton pardoned a pedophile." "Um, Talarico is, uh, low T?" "Paxton pardoned a pedophile." "Talarico is going to institute sharia law!" "Paxton pardoned a pedophile."

We’re likely going to have two horror movies directed by Gen-Z filmmakers make over $100 million at the domestic box office against a slate of traditional summer blockbusters. Pretty neat!

They should make a candle that smells like a candle after you blow it out.

I’m available if anyone wants to pay me $200 million to be absolutely dogshit at my job.

Clavicular is what happens when you put ChrisChan in the Captain America muscle machine.

If I had a nickel for every time Trisha Paytas played herself in an HBO show this month, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice.

I hate this trend of medium-famous people “starting an OnlyFans” to get headlines even though they are not intending to actually do sex work.

An increasingly healthy theatrical box office *literally* is a recession indicator.

“Guess who’s back?” and “Guess whose back?” mean different things, but both work as a tagline for a MALIGNANT sequel.

I’d always heard Adam Scott and Jon Hamm were comedy-adjacent before they got famous, which makes this easter egg cameo I just noticed in Anchorman a bit less surprising.

Republicans develop the chintziest amount of backbone the moment Trump’s numbers dip below 38%. You hate to see it.

There it is again, that funny feeling.

Have a surprise for you all tomorrow. 💜

It’s funny to me (not funny haha, funny…I’m not sure actually) that we finally found the innovative use case for AI and it is so expensive for the companies to sustain that they are caught in a Catch-22.

Barney Frank taught me it was okay to be weird.

A romcom that’s like Obsession but they both One Wish Willow’d each other.

Being born in 1993 means I am old enough to be a serious adult and young enough to credibly say that Republicans have always been Like This.

Every republican primary is your commuting coworker from HitlerVille Kentucky saying “yummy! More Pedophile Hitler, please!” before squealing like a little piggy in the trough

Republicans voted out a far-right conservative because he is insufficiently supportive of child rape.

However appalled you are by this, it’s not enough. It’s a frank statement that Trump and Trumpists are above the law and need not even plausible excuses to loot your tax dollars. It’s a total failure of our civic institutions.

Paxton makes TX-Sen lean/likely R vs. likely/solid R with Cornyn, imo I’ll let the Solid Purple model speak for itself once I figure out getting Vercel all wired up.

Immediately knew this was Glendale Community College because of the logo that looks like a butthole.

Kingdom Hearts is just "fan service: the game" and should be taken as seriously as the Space Jam movies.

Daniel Tosh or Dane Cook or someone who was all over Comedy Central in 2009 should release a special titled Recession Indicator. 🏌️‍♂️

This explains a lot, actually.

I love getting to the point in a big project where the thing is 99% ready but you’re really only like halfway done because of all the little loose ends. And by love I mean hate very much.

the concept of the freestyle machine is beautiful and the execution is possibly the most disappointing thing in human history

What a crooked shithole this country has become. Utterly corrupt.

The thing is you have to watch Euphoria with the same mindset you would have watching American Dad.

Democrats really should be throwing money at A/B testing all kinds of candidates, approaches, issue sets in unwinnable red states Senate seats. Treat those elections like movie studios treat test screenings.