NO CAP ONLY FLOOR *eagle screech*

MAKE HIM THE HITTING COACH ALREADY. THE 2024 METS COULD RAKE.

this was me in honors anatomy until the day we had to do the fetal pig dissection and half my group (five jock boys and me) threw up while I was extracting the brain from the skull cavity (for extra credit) using nail scissors from my purse.

It IS kind of funny that the Hughes brothers were sent on SNL to be like “HEY, GAYS, WE WON THESE MEDALS 🥇 FOR YOUR GAY HOCKEY SHOW LOVING SELVES, TOO. (plz don’t hate us 🌈🥺)

WALK THEM LIKE THE DUMB DOGS THEY ARE. WE DON’T WANT YOUR MEDAL, JACK. this tweet is about snl.

hey gen z welcome to republican governance

THIS. I AM SO MAD. 😡

Thanks to @snytv.bsky.social for giving me a steady supply of adorable Jonah Tong content. 🥰 But seriously, who would put maple syrup on a glizzy? 😕

Phillies social team set up a putting green in the tunnel and every player tried it. Next step: Install one of those cardboard box pigeon traps but in the bottom it's, like, pasteurized milk and MMR boosters

Watching this clip was an absolutely wonderful way to start my Friday morning. 🥰

I have multiple music degrees and grew up a Mets fan. This article is for ME. Go read it! Buy a fangraphs membership, etc, etc.

Shoutout to the @mets.com socials team for giving me so much Grade A Jonah content lately. #LGM 💙🧡 Also, Luke Weaver, I was not planning to get attached to you, but you’re weird AF in the best way. Something, something, Papa’s orchard, etc. 🥰 (And obviously Nolan had the best answer.)

THAT'S MY BOY 😤

Sports are wild because the level of peace and joy I feel IN MY BONES? It exists because a child I became emotionally attached to because he 1) reminds me of my fave late aughts pitcher (Timmy5Eva) and 2) is just the nicest boy and a fucking competitor is LITERALLY AT WORK. DOING HIS JOB. 💀 #LGM

My boy is back on the mound and allllll is right with the world. 🧡💙 #LGM

U.S. men's hockey with Curt-Schilling-in-Boston levels of good will squandering. A 25-mile lead in the good will marathon and they tripped on their dicks right at the finish line.

And I regret every minute I contributed to it.

If the U.S. Men’s Hockey Team has taught me anything, it’s that I’m right to just assume, upon meeting them, that most men—even seemingly nice and decent ones!—are dangerous and not be trusted. Imagine walking through life like that. Imagine the exhaustion. I’m just so, so tired.

I would give anything to be a fly on the wall of the Ottawa Senators locker room tomorrow when Brady “Close the northern border!” Tkachuk walks in the room.

Not Christian Scott out here mocking my poor, sweet Canadian prince! LEAVE JONAH ALONE, BOYS. 😭 #Mets #LGM

hockey is over, we’re back to being the baseball app now ⚾️

oh my god

Now USA needs one more sudden death, and you know who I'm talkin' about.

Once again here to say this to MLB, Manfred, and any fan stupid enough to believe a cap is a good thing for the sport.

Macklin looks ready to CRY. Let that poor child go home for hugs! Don’t make him stand there in public! 😭

MY SWEET BABY DOES NOT DESERVE THIS SOMEONE GIVE JONAH A HUG AND A 55-GALLON DRUM OF CANADIAN MAPLE SYRUP. 😭

We are so god damn lucky that Sean Manaea is a Met.

me in late September with the Mets needing a win against the Nats.

Regardless of the outcome of this game, I think that once it’s finished, Brad Marchand should get to ritually abuse the Tkachuk brother of his choice at center ice.

look, I know they’re american but LEAVE MACKLIN ALONE, YOU GHOULS. I fucking hate these guys.

But obviously fuck the Tkachuk brothers from here to kingdom come.

If you told me when I started Heated Rivalry in December that by February I would be awake on a Sunday prior to 8am to watch a haunted young man (Quinn Hughes) and his ghost friends hopefully beat a literal child (Macklin Celebrini) for hockey gold… I would ✨totally✨ believe you. LETS GO QUINN!

The way the Olympics works is exactly like this: one of the worst days of one kid’s life is one of the best days of somebody else’s.

GIMME. This is genius!!

LETS 😤 GO 😤 METS 😤

quad god time? QUAD GOD TIME!!!! 😤

hockey:

Ilya Rozanov would be obsessed with Ilia Malinin. 🥰 (Kid is literally wearing Ovechkin’s laces on his skates for the entirety Olympics. This is basically canon.)

Oh, my heart. This did me good. That’s my boy! 🥹 #Mets #MetsSky #JonahTong youtu.be/3JzMhSNArVs

The way my mental health has truly hinged on polite Wasian Canadian athletes—both fictional and real—in the last six months cannot be overstated.

Cannot overstate how happy it makes me to know that my boy is here playing ball in my state. 🥹 Jonah Tong, my sweet prince, you are the single best thing Canada has exported to the U.S., and I am very much including Heated Rivalry in that calculus. 🍁🇨🇦 #Mets #LGM #MetsSky

the way the sight of this fine young man doing his thing in my team’s colors INSTANTLY lowered my blood pressure cannot be overstated. 🥰 we are morally obligated to get Nolan McLean to the post-season. 🧡💙 #Mets #MetsSky

JONAH WAS NEVER REALLY AN OPTION. THAT’S RIGHT. No Kings but King Tong. 👑💙🧡 #MetsSky #Mets #LGM

I lied. There will be ✨TWELVE✨ because The Dodgers Fan Who Took Refuge In My Home™️ during the 2025 post-season and I will be preemptively getting obsessed with an NPB team THIS YEAR ahead of MLB’s inevitable 2027 lockout.

Look, I love Canada—they gave us Jonah, Heated Rivalry, and the leaked 60 minutes segmented—but I’m thrilled with this news. Let my baby have a REST. He is 12-years-old!

Just realized that I’ll be up to ✨ELEVEN TEAMS✨ once I add the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp (so that I can see our boys from Syracuse when they come down south) and the WPBL teams.

Coping with The Horrors™️ by creating google calendars for SIX baseball teams for the 2026 season. (Mets, Syracuse Mets, Daytona Tortugas, Dodgers, Mariners, Blue Jays.) Baseball will be central to re-establishing liberal democracy. ⚾️

Anybody that watched Andor, this is where we are. #starwars #andor

meanwhile the NBAPA is out here making a statement with their full chests. 😩