You’re going to spend eternity in Hell unless you know this one trick.

They're dead.

I hope Jeff Mangum didn’t get this alert.

How are you all celebrating the anniversary of history’s first recorded zombie, Jesus?

I could never explain to my Gen Z kids how painful it was when Morrissey became a right wing monster. Thanks for the assist, JK Rowling!

new wordle: you get 6 chances to mute the entire site using just 5 letters

“in america we’re told russians have no freedom of speech, so I traveled to russia to find out. I was shocked to learn even notorious critics like aleksi navalny were gifted access to top government institutes to speak freely”

Can we stop calling Green Day a punk rock band? They were invited to perform on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. And accepted. “After these messages from our sponsors, be sure to come back and enjoy the punk stylings of “Green Day!”

Bang up job.

So their campaign will 100% encourage strangers to try to damage any Cybertruck they see in the wild? Seems smart. #Cybertruck #tesla

I don’t know. I’ve seen a lot. but this may be the hall of fame post that shuts down all competition

People are angry about brave anti-Trump liberal hero John Dean praising Kissinger... Dean willingly took the job as Richard Nixon's fucking lawyer. You let that scorpion on your back, you're not making it across the river.

George Carlin Magic Johnson Michael Stipe Jeff Probst Jane Fonda

make all your jokes but i am 75% done building the racist trolley

The ideal life is being born in 1947 being age 20 in 1967 to fuck in a field and take LSD and then buy a house for $5000 after walk into a bank to get a job and impress them with your third grade reading level and then die before 2001 with your well hedged investment portfolio

I can’t pinpoint when it happened, but I want George Santos to stay in office forever.

Tim Scott's fake girlfriend's acting gig didn't last long.

You know who would have loved to see the Rangers win? Harambe.

Remember when Trump said you needed I'd to buy bread and said he was leading Obama in the polls then the press reported on Bidens mental decline?

Why is "if you don't vote for Joe Biden, you're voting for Trump" discourse already happening. It's 2023, there's no election right now. There's no voting.

“Technically, there’s nothing in the Constitution that says the Speaker has to be a human.”

“We Have Slightly Different Imaginary Deities With Slightly Different Made Up Rules And So We Must Kill Each Other, vol 76,624”

My music snobbiest position: Sonic Youth’s Daydream Nation is worse than every album that preceded it. Minutemen’s Double Nickels On The Dime is worse than Post-Mersh 1, 2 and 3. Anyone who says otherwise got into the game too late.

The Dumbledore curse strikes again!

So when The Rapture hits today, all the fundamentalists go to heaven and the rest of us get to stay where we are? So it’s just Florida?

Is there anything more British than calling a 30 year civil war “The Troubles?”

The last rock song to top the Billboard charts was 22 years ago, and by Nickleback. Happy Saturday everyone!

Dear performer from the 80s who is still touring: you get one song written in the last 25 years per show. If your concert is three plus hours, aka the Springsteen Clause, you get two. Yes, Pitchfork said your last album was a return to form. They are wrong. It will be quickly forgotten.

So to own the libs, MAGA is going to: 1. Nominate Trump, absolutely the weakest candidate they could run, and 2. Stop taking vaccines as a new variant appears. Keep going, fuckers. I hear Kamala loves seatbelts and hates eating lard.

Note to self: self funding furry jail? https://nypost.com/2023/07/31/chinese-zoo-forced-to-deny-bear-is-a-human-in-costume/

Top rejected titles for new X app after “Blaze your glory” won: Wrinkle your quinoa! Dance your anger! Scold your vermouth! Drive your teapot! Signal your feathers! Sublimate your reticence!

Just happy xkcd is here!

Did I just get really fucking old?

Why isn't Pete Buttigieg doing more about the heat wave?!

Never have three words been more wrong.

Animal lovers: playing loud classical music will drown out fireworks and help your dogs and cats not get stressed out tonight! Might I suggest Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture?

Yay! Bodega Cats is finally here! 😸

New game show pitch: Marvel supervillain plan or actual government proposal? https://t.co/AdbxBoDFHz

Younger generations are learning from JK Rowling what we Gen Xers learned from Morrissey: sometimes your favorite artists turn into real pieces of shit as they age.

In 77, the punk fanzine “Sideburns” published this image. Holds up.

When is Phil Hendrie gonna get some love for being here? Phil Fucking Hendrie!

Dear Baby Jeebus, I don’t ask for much. Please let Trump lose in 2024 and run again in 2028. Let him keep running until you take him home. Let him keep running until he’s in a wheelchair and Kari Lake has a hand up his ass and is using him as a puppet. Thank you.

Next time someone offers you an authentic Titanic experience, read the fine print.

The only shocking thing about the missing sub drama is that Elon hasn’t found a way to make it worse.

Submersible taking tourists to Titanic wreck is missing. https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-65953872.amp

I will never forgive the singularity for putting me in a timeline where this man has dominated politics for 7 years.