i am the goat

AYO where the shitposters on here

Dawg I was telling my coworker I probably got suspended for shoving my vape up my ass on Facebook while I was changing a girl’s piercings and her fuckin memo when she paid me 😭😭

Ya you can hit my vape

My Facebook got disabled so fuck that place.

Accidentally girlbossed too close to the sun and now I have to kiss 14 people on New Year’s Eve.

Reddit, you can’t put these two stories right next to each other. I got excited.

Friend sent me this. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Dude has the opportunity to go to Alaska and do the funniest shit known to mankind

I do love me a good parade (◡‿◡✿) #nokings

“You really think these riots are a good thing??” I mean they were a good thing for 18th century France soo

When you’re watching true crime and there’s a child with a feeding tube

A face tattoo would fix me

The Last of Us good af idc that Ellie is played by the larval stage of Amy Schumer

Damn the pope hated meeting JD Vance so much that he died

My humor is so broken, I’ve been wheezing over this for five minutes 😭

Sad that a Tesla used to be my dream car, and now I just cringe every time I see one

Us freeing ourselves from kings only to bring them back several hundred years later would be the appropriate conclusion given our founders' obsession with ancient Rome

is this anything

💙 #knightsofguinevere

“I didn’t know there was a Sonic The Hedgehog cartoon.” Me, an autistic;

I need to get on here more tbh

Imagine you release balloons for your dead family member and they get reincarnated as a deer and eat the balloon and fuckin’ die again

Me all warm and cozy inside his foreskin

Me, whispering into his ear as he’s about to cum

Imagine I tell you I’m gonna go to Sonic in cosplay then you show up and I’m completely naked except for gloves and shoes

I’m at whatever age you are when you put lotion on your hands and your body sucks it up like a beached alligator.

Thinking about when my nail tech banned me from eating hot Cheetos so I just stopped going

Muppets remake of Saving Private Ryan and whenever there's gore it's just ribbons and yarn spilling out with an occasional human hand glimpsed underneath

AND MY ASS

Don’t be hanging out with me if you’re gonna get weird when I point out where I smoked crack

[sex scene in movie plays] You know, I did that once

Not the fuckin presale code 😭

GET IN MOTHERFUCKER WE’RE OVULATING

I love free samples. It’s like microdosing shoplifting.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN FOX NEWS AIRED A LUIGI FANCAM WITH A RENAI CIRCULATION ENGLISH COVER 😭

I Febrezed the crotch of my skinny jeans for this?

Luigi pissing himself isn’t gonna turn me off because jokes on you, I’m into piss

Omg my true love just gave me a partridge in a pear tree I sure I hope my next gifts don’t involve more birds

I wonder how Moo Deng is doing

What if I let you use my gauges as handles while you hit it from the back

I eat hard boiled eggs and kimchi for lunch. That’s how single I am.

“I don’t understand how you can hate winter!” I used to sleep outside, Cheryl.