I vant to smoke your mids

im the dracula of smoking weed

my foam!

funny how you can be more devastated by loss than you have ever been in your life and continue being moderately functional as long as you just never think too hard about the devastating loss

marked safe from whatever issue apple has with alarms now because i just use timers instead

i should get a really stupid tattoo right. i should do that tomorrow i should get a really stupid tattoo today or tomorrow

i can’t wait to have a normal peaceful job

all i did for the last several hours is talk about my ex husband and what a delight he is to various people, i’m really not doing well at fulfilling my lifelong dream of being someone’s bitch ex wife

if that’s your girl then why is she putting hexes on my dick

silkworms is animals

TIP: WIFEs are the only class that can equip certain types of WEAPONS, such as FRYING PANS or ROLLING PINS. 👉OK HELP MENU

cool date idea: 9/11

astrology for dogs

It’s “based” to contract typhoid fever from a contaminated municipal water supply

joinking off

uniquely texan experience: checking to see where bluebonnets can reasonably grow

klarna for bees

everyone needs to be extra nice to me for the next week i think

Sinking or swimming is a false dichotomy. Think bigger. Fight the ocean

girl who is having a great time

updating my five year plan by creating a five year plan for the first time in over a decade

grindset

im still hot and powerful fyi

sorry if you got a loser ass dm from me i just love sending weirdo spam links obviously

happy “give $40 to women” thursday everyone

inside of you there are two wolves and they are just constantly, constantly fucking and sucking each other

The more we talk about it the worse it gets.

making myself sick using only the power of the internet

have you considered the benefits

no loads refused laundromat

“i saw the hat man” “i owe the hat man money” “oh no the hat man is gonna get me” i am taking the hat man back to court to modify his child support obligation he cannot keep pretending he doesn’t have a job just to avoid payments

that’s me

hello friends i hope you’re all having a great time. if we’re not friends i hope you’re having a bad time. thank’s

taylor swift girl kisser

oh package tracking, you’re my only friend

i love being cool and sexy and alive

getting weirder on purpose

the soft animal of my body is drinking iced tea on the front porch

me

You reach a point where a friend dies and you say: sixty-one! that so young. When you are in your twenties and struggling that point is hard to visualize - you feel like forty more years will be too much. May all who struggle today live in the hope of knowing that sixty-one is so young, so young.

RIP Steve Albini, very few people are that good at both posting and something useful

it's v weird to follow me here if you don't know me from there 🥰 especially if it's just bc of who I'm mutuals with 🥰

if i don't kiss someone soon im going to perish

shes such a lyricist 😻

becoming obsessed with a new fragrance

v few people understand that my exclamation point usage is not a bit, when i send you six messages in a row that end in "!!!!" it's because i am "!!!!" excited about what I'm saying

Them: what would you like to drink? Me: