“I’m terrified of taking the Waymo on the highway!!” My brother in Christ, it’s LA, we’re still going 35 miles an hour

making my way through clouds, falling fast, busting ass, time to splash down

#fcf brought to you by @anonymouscorn.bsky.social

Why am I always the HORNIEST when I can’t kiss boys

I literally JUST got rid of a cold sore but I’ve already been kissing too many boys and have now developed ANOTHER one so I’m just accepting this as my punishment from god and going celibate. And no, I was not making out with them while contagious, I’m not an asshole.

Happy Easter!!

Hey, also, Haoran @fitnessat17now28 is the catfish I’d been talking about. Apparently he got super upset that I called him out and has blocked me, but just so people know

It’s amazing how tattoos can just come and go! Modern technology!

Doing an early #fcf as a big thank you for 9k which I didn’t realize I hit. Full sex tape with at least 2 bloomfies at 10k. Also taking bloomfie requests for the collab

Ladies and gentleman, FNN has our newest breaking news. We are devastated to announce that there is yet another liar and fraud on Bluesky. We will be launching our formal investigation later this evening, more to come at 6. Now, the weather

Doing an early #fcf as a big thank you for 9k which I didn’t realize I hit. Full sex tape with at least 2 bloomfies at 10k. Also taking bloomfie requests for the collab

Subject.

I officially have enough evidence to confirm that this individual is for sure not who they say they are, and the pictures are for sure not themselves thanks to various event photos publicly available that this person passed off as their own. Thank you for tuning in, this has been an FNN exclusive.

I don’t want to be left out 🫪

Let me clarify, I mean that I don’t think the photos match the person who runs the account, because I feel like not all the photos always match each other either

There’s someone on here that interacts with everyone and seems very hot but my spidey sense always goes up because I feel like they’re a fake… I just can’t prove it…

Dilithium matrix... Dilithium matrix... Dilithium matrix... Dilithium matrix...Dilithium matrix... Dilithium matrix...Dilithium matrix...

Honestly? Can I just join an already functional couple? I’m a great cook and I come with a perfect dog

Hey quick question, are all men liars or is it an LA thing?

So in a shocking twist, I had two of the senior officers of the company step in on my behalf so, for the moment, I still have a job and still look cute

I’m getting fired again and I’m ready to step off a cliff

harry potter trailer

Iranian trolling goes unbelievably hard with this summertime bop “LOSER”

I’m annoymaxxing

Hey did you know if you get a cold sore with a head cold and can’t breathe through your nose there’s a chance you can drool in your sleep and spread the cold sore to your beard where you’ll then just feel like the single most vile and disgusting human on the planet? The more you know!

The spring skirk is feeling very correct

Well, Starfleet Academy had an amazing run and I will never stop talking about it. Year One should never have been green-lit and Academy should have gone on for 7 seasons.

My boss, who I had to clean up after and who completely fucked up one of our biggest events of the year, and who’s best friend is her boss and the director, just got a promotion and is clearly riding a power high. Meanwhile I’m sick on the couch and want to shoot myself. Isn’t life funny?

I know I say this about a lot of people, but this is the single most beautiful man on the planet in my book

The stars? Trekked!

When BGB tells you to do something I guess I’m just a pleaser

Can’t tell if I’m entering a deep depression or just really, really need a vacation but here we go booiiiiiissss

Vibes are rancid tonight irl and I blame straight people

Bringing this back and doubling down because I don’t think LA men date, period

Bring me a fucking margarita and let me black out already, it’s 90°

Super glad the busiest work week of the year and crippling loneliness are double-teaming me on this Friday

Happy Starfleet Academy finale day to all who celebrate

If I had to describe myself in a single flavor it would be the taste of sipping champagne after you just had black coffee. It’s awful but I love it.

Does anyone ever jerk off to the idea of a loving, stable relationship rather than naked men? Like, I mean legit cum from the idea of someone loving you? No?

Screaming

I’m not an annoying gay because I’m beautiful and perfect

Happy hump day btw

How I arrived on Bluesky (with the oomfies)

Hey can a single person please renew my faith in any gay that lives in LA? Because this shit is grim.

it fucken WIMDY

Truly, this is why I got into event planning.

It’s my nose. I’m sick. Send meds.

My **** is leaking so much today