You may not like it, fellas, but THIS is what peak performance looks like.

Alaska vowed to resolve the murders of Indigenous people. But when one nonprofit asked state law enforcement officials for a fundamental piece of data — a list of Indigenous murders they’d investigated — the state said no. (Published Aug. 2025 with @adn.com)

Will report back once I've finished laughing¹ at 'LobNobs' ¹I may be some time

Sound advice from Max.

What is wrong with you? Is Walrus going to have to come down there and straighten you out? You can't "blame" one region for a cold snap. Alaska doesn't have some magic cold-air making machine that they turn on and off.

Vibes are bad. Enjoy this snowy plover chick next to a very large beach shrub. 🪶 🐣

Especially now, Nowruz Mubarak! نوروز مبارک #HappyNowruz #NowruzMubarak 🌱🌾 📖 🐠 🐿️ #NowruzNeedsSquirrels #نوروز

May thy tusk chip and shatter

Show someone who absolutely rocks a hat (that isn't Indiana Jones) GAME OVER!!!!

what you have to do when you don't have tusks

Live shot of Walrus rushing to help Trump reopen the Strait of Hormuz

"Do not, my friends, become addicted to your brain or you will grow to resent it's absence." Immortan Sam

This site needs a break. Post 3 good things, none of which are the cessation of a negative 1. The way my cat's eyes go soft as soon as he hears me say his name 2. Hot tea 3. Overhearing strangers being kind to one another out in the world

This site needs a break. Post 3 good things, none of which are the cessation of a negative 1. Clams 2. Aurora Borealis 3. Tusks!

Putting this on a t-shirt. Big mood for a lot of creative work these days. "I’d rather see flawed madness than perfect mediocrity."

Walrus' information consumption is now 1/4 KOTZ-AM, 1/4 Korean Drama, 1/4 narwhal clicks & buzzing, and 1/4 holding seashells up to an earhole. The opportunity cost of anything else is far too high, and rising daily.

No officer I have no idea what made that tusk-shaped hole in your car tire it's a mystery!!

Here's a video of the turkeys looking for food, another timeline cleanse. They've been out there at least half an hour.

I have heard variants on this with Hitler, Stalin, and Nixon, and it would not surprise me if goes back centuries, it not millennia, in one form or another.

[Midwestern Walrus Voice] So cold that the wheelbarrow wouldn't start.

We stand with our 🇬🇱 Inuit relatives. Quyanaqpak to Max with Northern Journal for writing this to bring awareness to the familial connection with Greenland and Iñupiat perspectives of what is happening in Kalaallit Nunaat/Nunarput. #InuitFirst www.northernjournal.com/harm-against...

This bobtail squid burrowing into the sand is already adorable, but please watch till the very end! It sticks out its little arms and earnestly sprinkles sand over itself 🦑𓂃◌𓈒𓐍

Walrus picked one up at the new airport in Nuuk, but they don't come in size "Sexy Marine Mammal"

'Attitude and Attention, Punk Rockers,' by Norval Morrisseau (1932-2007), from his 1989-90 'Punk Rocker' series. (Courtesy of the Norval Morrisseau Estate and the Whyte Museum of the Canadian Rockies)

“I’m sorry, Mittens. I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

No. There can be only one*. . . . . . *not including subspecies, ofc.

hmmmm....hmmmmmm

I know we’ve moved on 781 times by now, but… I still can’t believe he tore down half the White House

You will be visited by three spirits The spirits:

You will be visited by three spirits The spirits:

Phase 1: identify Walrus Phase 2: count Walrus Phase 3: have Walrus open the box. wait, what?

Feel like tracking down sexy tusked marine mammals? www.wwf.org.uk/learn/walrus...

Walrus is waving, can you not see?

🎶 Walrus got Eel Facts, At Eel facts dot net, they came on a sheet, from the innnnnnternet🎶 eelfacts.net

We're out of clams.

The Rice Truck Saga needs to be inscribed on parchment, chiseled in stone, or whatever, it just needs to be preserved in an IRL format.

Am Walrus. What else would Walrus do?

KYUK is a scrappy public radio station in Alaska. When Congress went after NPR, public radio stations like this one took the hit. It broadcasts to indigenous people living in the tundra, and without public funding, it's facing massive layoffs.

A young watusi watches 'I Love Lucy' And I think 'what can this mean?' A goat goes to school And makes us look like fools And I think 'what can this mean?' They call me the walrus! They call me the walrus! They call me the walrus! They call me the walrus!

DYK that if you spend your days on a remote arctic beach you'll have no idea who or wtf a Nuzzi or a Lizza is or what "Part 2" says?

I hope you’re all enjoying this descent into madness. The important thing to remember is what while I can’t sing, neither can eels, so this little jingle is very scientifically accurate. So please. Get an eel facts advent calendar. You don’t have to wait until Christmas for eels. EelFacts.Net

[hauls out of sea] . . . [goes back into the sea]

DO NOT REPEAT THIS INSIGHT

These read like obscure insults

get EEL FACTS at eelfacts.net Support Dr Squid Lady's work. It's fun, it's cute, you may learn something. and it's affordable. Walrus paid very few clams and is already satisfied.

"Soylent Green is billionaires!" - the reboot of Soylent Green that I just came up with

It's time for #GarWeek! Walrus loves gar week. Helps fill that holiday gap between Halloween/Dia de los Muertos and American Thanksgiving.

If you have $20k + $500/month to burn and would like your house to be cleaner maybe just pay someone a fair wage to come clean your house occasionally?

YES!