Really spicy food is extremely rare up here, so my husband just tipped a handful of these directly into his mouth. He did not know that they are the exception. He knows now. There is much sweating, some unfocused staring. Verbatim: "I saw God. He saw me back. Told me when I was due up."

Trying very hard not to make.Boy Dog feel self conscious about his lopsided bum hair 😂😂😂 (he has blown out his winter coat everywhere except the right hand side of his bum)

For anybody concerned, I did not punch the bird. I did roll the blind up and blearily call it a feathery knoblet. It left my window sill and moved to my balcony, ~80cm away. I then put the blind back down and there was a pause of maybe 2 seconds before it started up again.

As a wildlife photographer, it is rare but not unheard of for me to idly consider the possibility of punching a bird. In completely unrelated news, it is 01:53 in the midnight sun and there is a courting snow bunting on the sill of my open bedroom window.

Good news about the walrus

Got on my bike today for the first time since the spring thaw. Suffice to say, I do not currently have cycling muscles 😂 (owwwwww)

Sleepy baby 🤎

3:30am fox was out checking whether he was bigger than the recently-arrived pink-footed geese (spoiler alert: he was not bigger than the geese)

In other (now) 4:30am news, 17th May is full of warm, sticky snow in the high north.

Couldn't sleep. Met a 3:30am fox.

Themed litter names are my absolute favourite thing about dog yards. Especially when a litter is surprisingly large or they've had several litters lately and you can tell the handler was really, really stretching to think of enough themed names.

Okay. Look. I didn't know it was Eurovision tonight but also you can't put Eurovision on the 16th of May, are you trying to kill Norway?

I just want to inform all of you that if you send me DMs like this I will block you *so fast*. So fucking fast. (Also it was roughly 103m away, I just checked)

Had a lovely evening birdwatching at the beach (black guillemots, Brunnich's guillemots, glaucous gulls, kittiwakes, mating common eiders). We had the pleasure of this sweet old soul to keep us company too.

Boy Dog and I have officially transitioned to jogging for the summer. I hate it, he hates it, but there is no snow and we need to still be ski ready when the snow comes back 😂 we will do some cycling too, once he can be trusted not to put us both in a ditch

British narrator: 'at Swansea University in the UK' Norwegian subtitles: 'ved Swansea universitet i Wales' Me: *frantically googling whether Wales has acquired independence since I last checked*

Aaaand Boy Dog thinks *I* don't know how to play fetch. He brought the ball back for the first time ever, dropped it in front of me and looked at me. The thing is, I was so surprised by this that I didn't even fully process it and just stared blankly until he picked it up and carried it away again.

Look at the fucking size of this potato.

Craving some sun so badly 😂 probably going to book a vacation for the end of the year.

Playing a game of 'did science happen to this fulmar or was another fulmar sick on it out of rage?' I'm guessing science? It's very round for the fulmar attack vomit

Here, have a sneaky look at the artsy shit I was actually in front of the glacier to do, as a treat.

Quiet Saturday with one of my favourite glaciers 🤍

Portrait of a #Yellowbilled #Hornbill Another visitor ay my window. Patiently posed and was not scared by my movements inside.

One of the photographers at the Met Gala red carpet had the *weirdest* choice of lens on I don't know who, because the images have all been sold as stock and reshared 100 times with, at most, a credit to Getty, but every so often somebody looks very squished into both themselves and the background.

Took the opportunity to do a shed tidy while swapping winter gear for summer gear. Please take a second to marvel at my shed tidy.

Very rude of Norwegian and English to make Small Medium Large and Liten Mellomstor Stor begin with the opposite letters.

I missed international leopard day yesterday, and I live a long way away from any leopards at the moment (although probably not forever), but I'm still going to shamelessly take the opportunity to share one of my favourite snaps from a few years back.

Webcam screenshot from 03:15 this morning, when the sun hit the saddle between the two peaks across the fjord. My bedroom window faces the same direction as this webcam and I will be adding an additional layer behind my blackouts immediately.

Boy Dog is in his most disgusting middle-aged man era today, having recently turned 6. He just walked into the bedroom, stretched, farted, belched and settled down to lick his balls.

🤍

Boy Dog has had a horrible walk. The ground was slushy, he wasn't allowed to chase the ducks and he became very concerned that one specific tourist in a hi-vis jacket was going to steal his favourite ball.

Sharing the mountains with a ghost who leaves no tracks

I think part of being in your thirties is coming to accept that actually My Chemical Romance consistently wrote absolutely stellar lyrics and it is just the eyeliner that convinced you they count as a guilty pleasure.

Look, mate, I don't think the problem is lack of interest in images of Svalbard. I think the problem is that you are insufferable and think that the internet owes you awestruck admiration because you have visited what is actually quite a popular tourist destination. (Who said that? *whistles*)

This article sounds really interesting and then you open it and it's the most bizarre take.

Am I correct in understanding that the passport with his face on requires you to apply in person at one specific location? Can you choose to go elsewhere? So it is effectively a sign to hand to border control overseas that reads 'hello, I am a dangerous extremist who supports a dangerous extremist'?

Unexpected floor hazards this morning. There is very pretty snow in a very fine layer over some absolutely murderous ice patches from the early thaw a week or so ago. Boy Dog and I have both stacked it twice on our morning walk.

We took a vote and we have decided against Spring

😂😂😭 I dooooooo! I promise!

There were ✨chicken nuggets✨ on the boat this week. I cannot adequately express how much of an event this is. Might legitimately cook an entire bag of chicken nuggets for dinner.

I live a slightly more 'adventurous' life than typical. The difference in online reactions between people who assume I'm a man and people who assume I'm a woman is *wild*

T e e f

@factwalrus.bsky.social do you know him? If yes, is it possible for you to politely suggest he sets up for the summer a little further from the boatyard?

My third favourite, and most inconveniently located, neighbours are back.

The midnight sun is doing an absolute number on my sleep pattern this year for the first time ever 😭 Painted the polar night at 2am as a coping mechanism because it looked like picture 2 outside

Polite notice to any reindeer still wearing their white winter coats after the early spring thaw: Please try to refrain from gathering in roughly bear sized groups in my peripheral vision. You bastards.

The beluga has malfunctioned

The sudden temperature drop after last week's heatwave has left everything sort of weird this morning. Feels like January, looks like June (is actually April)

Will report back once I've finished laughing¹ at 'LobNobs' ¹I may be some time

Baby bloog (ft. ridiculous baby bloog face)