No, that’s the tagline for polymarket

I thought this said “like Duolingo but for poverty”

Sam, Bank Man, FRIED!

Skinny dudes who wear hoodies in warm weather are just showing off

I remember one time when I met these two fat dudes and they said they had a podcast called “Thicc Topics”

*panicking in a bar tryna cover up a fart* Hey is it cool if I vape I here?

If I worked at the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin, Jim Halpert got about 1-2 times to look at the camera all slick after I say some shit before I throw a stapler at him to knock him off guard and then come over the desk at his ass. That’s the only way to deal with people like that

Multiple times yesterday someone asked me about @peezytx.bsky.social being in the hole and at least one other person nearby went “wait you know the guy from the hole?”

i just think it was really brave of @peezytx.bsky.social to post hole

“Broke in a mobile home, stole a stove and a fridge Kidnapped the parents and left a ransom note for the kids”

It’s almost kinda funny that there’s full grown adults in this world who convinced themselves that when Donald Trump heard about Jeffery Epstein’s crimes he was like “Whoa whoa whoa… These are CHILDREN, Jeff!” And then cut him out of his life forever. LMAO adult men believe that happened…wild

Girl I got them good politics

You’re absolutely right but I want to clarify that this is @peezytx.bsky.social and not @pattymo.com who has been marked safe from the hole

1 cup, 2 girls. Both alike in dignity.

Free my man @peezytx.bsky.social

I’ll let a girl named Danielle ruin my life. I’ve done it multiple times

Forgot to charge my headphones so I’m on the construction site bumping Past Lives by @patrickwyman.bsky.social off my phone and a kid walks by and asks “is that about ancient history?” And I say yeah and he immediately says “Did you know they found mile long batteries under the pyramids?”

They’re gonna be fixing this administration’s fuck ups for the rest of my life

Crazy that it’s gonna take a strong act of international diplomacy to get us back to slightly where we were before the war started lmao

When little tiny states refer to a northern, southern and central region lol like….shut up Eastern Delaware

Somebody mentioned that they started in comedy in New Jersey in the early 2000’s and I just kept thinking about starting a monthly showcase at the Bada Bing

Smerconish shouldn’t even be a word let alone a name

Calling doing coke in a bathroom “going number 3”

I know that all big companies suck but for some reason in my brain I feel like Roku has my best interests in mind

“Demonstrably” is such a dope word cuz it sounds like it’s about monsters

God might be real but the Devil is 1000% made up

It’s like jerking off in front of no smoking sign… it makes you think, ya know?

Bro they kicked my ass square the fuck outta there lmao. Muy rapido.

I got popped by the general contractor for not having my safety glasses on so per the rules I have to redo orientation. They do both an English and Spanish class. My foreman in an attempt to minimize time waste has included me in the Spanish class and told me to just smile and nod. Let’s see…

If I knew that Kingpin’s goons were unloading a ship full of illegal weapons at a dock in Red Hook I would beat the ever loving shit out of all 57 of them. One shot. I’d just drop in and start putting boot to ass. Non stop. I’d blow the cover on the guns too. Front page of the paper type shit

You can tell target ain’t shit cuz they got tortillas in a different aisle than the bread

Why this mf look like Rick grimes

we need a Boss Baby of the Left

I know the haircut is on point cuz a drunk dude at the bar just tried to buy coke from me 💅🏻

Disney is cussin up a storm in this new Daredevil. They straight up don’t give a frick

Things have been really boring at our house since we fixed that gas leak.

A solo artist releasing a break up album called “Fuuuuuuuuuck. This shit fucking sucks. What the hell??”

hear me out

It turns out that in 40 years of life on this planet instinctively being an Animorphs kid is still the one of the best pieces of evidence for my case that I’m cool

A funny thing about working in construction is whenever I drive down the street I’ll see a house or a business or an office building and be like “Hey I sold drugs there one time”

Sometimes you just gotta lock in, put your phone down, stop watching Instagram reels and pay attention to the road

Is there any bigger cuck behavior than siding with a company over the workers? I have a clinical aversion to doing bitch shit and doing some shit like that would make me physically ill

There’s a foreman on our jobsite who has what I can only describe as weapons grade insecurity. You know the worst impulses you may occasionally feel to lash out over a perceived slight that you eventually tell yourself to just forget it? I don’t think this man has ever done that in his entire life

Shout out to YouTubers who absolutely nail the ad segues. Geography by Geoff said “The Hudson Bay is a massive inland sea that formed when an impossibly heavy ice sheet crushed the earths mantle and sometimes my browser tabs feel like they’re crushing my online experience. That’s why I use Opera.”

*stares mournfully at the dusty old dictionary in the attic with a gun shaped hole cut into the pages. Takes another drink*

If I was a billionaire who wanted to sleep with a bunch of women I would simply throw really fun parties where everyone felt safe and then invite a bunch of ladies and all the homies (all vetted thru a process where I dont hang out with weirdos™️) and when they showed up I would be fun and charming.

I bet Elon Musk gets pissed that he wasn’t the richest man on earth in the very early 2000’s. He probably would have been the universally beloved super cool guy he clearly wants to be

Southern? White? Rhino? I need to know where he stands on a few topics before I get behind this

Just remembered when I worked at AT&T and I helped a Lutheran minister open a 5 line family plan under his church’s tax ID number and get 5 iPhones for his wife and 3 kids and he told me he’d only been in the ministry a few years and before that he worked at Goldman Sachs LMAO