A couple days ago I learned that Fred Warner’s given name is Federico. I didn’t think that devastatingly handsome man could get any cooler but I was wrong.

"But of all the three hundred statues of Demetrius of Phalerum, not one acquired rust or dirt; they were all destroyed while he was still living; and those of Demades were melted down into chamber-pots." – Plutarch

Listening to the classics

Best Ham! In the Airport

My gamble on short lines was correct: today is the perfect day to go to the DMV without an appointment.

Pun Kin Pie

For her birthday she’s taking time off from yelling at Dutch

Enough rain jackets it’s time for rain pants

It’s nap :45

The Onion is for the Children @bencollins.bsky.social

two plus hours of watching a dude who might die at any point if even the slightest thing goes wrong? That’s entertainment baby.

Darkness imprisoning me All that I see Absolute horror I cannot live Tiny Tim did not die Trapped in myself Body my holding cell

me age 10: socks? Oh hell no! me age 45: socks? Oh hell yeah!

Tiny Tim, who did NOT hit her. He did not. Oh hi, ghost

Thank you @emilystjams.bsky.social for reminding me of the existence of this @themountaingoats.bsky.social banger: youtu.be/z-lwTmJtEsg

It’s Christmas Eve not Christmas Steve

Merry Christmas Eve my friends.

She & Him Christmas is Perry Como for millennials

Statistically, there has to be at least one instance this week of someone saying “you shut your whore mouth, Carol!” at a family dinner

It’s always the ones you most suspect

Time to go pick up christmas dinner

Italians are awfully arrogant for people from a country where nothing works smoothly or correctly

They hated Jesus because He told them the truth.

if bari weiss had tried to do 9/11 there'd be three towers now

Paul Giamatti. Or Idris Elba

Blake Grupe should wear number 6

Field mics are mighty loud tonight

I only know that word because it was featured prominently in Infinite Jest

“Jiminy Christmas! Gosh darn it!” - Philip Rivers

Phil? Phil Rivers??

CMC is the toughest SOB in the NFL

Well allow me to retort

Joe Buck is a very good announcer

My favorite thing about Philip Rivers is that I know for a fact he has injured his back by sneezing. He’s just like me.

trying to hide it was not bari wise

Italian red meat? Like when a politician whips up a crowd about Columbus day?

PopMart figurines are just Precious Moments for a new generation

Tender and mild? Is Jesus a chicken wing?

Donut holes are not actually made from the center cut of donuts and this is why I have trust issues

“Chim-chimney chim-chim cha-ree” - Method Man

Mourning

Might fuck around and win powerball and then buy Sheffield Wednesday

I’m not a stepladder I’m the ladder that stepped up

Some football penalties are personal fouls, and the rest are business fouls

If we’re going to get really no quarter about genAI usage, I’m going to need people to learn the difference between AI and genAI real fast.

Bro got his wisdom teeth forcibly removed

Power back on??? Maybe??? I don’t trust it though

Love to be one of the 20,000 in SF still without power