christmas was cool i got an air fryer lmao. finally i dont have to just microwave my shit anymore

him: license and registration, please me: *slides him fish* him: ... me: *slides him another fish* him: have a good day, sir

Goddamnit!

No one: The dentist: "so how is life going"

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy [friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

genuinely fuck this. id rather b dead than keep thinking abt all this shit. i cant breathe nd its not fucking fair things work in the favor of everyone else but me

it is not hurting anyone if ppl stop referring to me as miss or ma'am at work. el mayo it rlly isnt hurting anybody. the only time its hurting anybody is when its said to me. its hurting me u assholes

Cop: Have you been drinking, sir? Me: [just crashed into a tree completely sober while Googling “robot dicks”] Yes

its probably the seasonal depression, complex ptsd nd dissociative symptoms thats making me feel the way i do rn. thats fun. lol oh its also the traumaversary time of around when i got cauliflower ear bc it happened one year a few days before xmas. so cool soooooo fucking awesome

Sleepy

town fair

Me btw

the way i saw bluesky on my brothers phone screen last night at dinner nd i froze like oh jesus christ

sunday skircle time teehehehe

gravy boats imply the existence of gravy maritime law

me: im sad and lonely my brain: maybe to fix it you should isolate yourself and be even more sad and lonely

ITS SNOWINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG FIRST SNOW OF THE FUCKING WINTER FINALLY. AHHHHHHHH

Introvert

if you're reading this you're gay

lets all take this autism test and just see what happens

I’m a single issue voter and my issue is that those busses that bend in the middle should make accordion noises

me listening to my own playlist: fuck this is so good

does the Grinch’s dick unfurl like a fiddlehead?

wonder how many hugs I can get at this funeral before someone asks how I know the deceased.

activating the. fucks capacitor

When transphobes talk about gendered socialization it's indistinguishable from original sin

🦺

hound

That one time I tried to make a Mario is Missing map of Brooklyn for a video that only used like 5% of the map in the final cut. Whoops. I even tried to make the warp pipes match up with the subway.

Puppy

If you crash out just add a jk afterwards and everything will be fine.

Me when my friends ask why I keep disappearing:

good morning bluesky friends ❤️

#photography #scape

i taste the good and bad in you and want them both 🖤

me after saying i'm just resting my eyes:

i do not come online here much, but it is emory :) and we saw 🍊 recently and got to watch all of hazbin hotel!! i am stealing emmy as a nickname now too :) hehehe

🚬

cinnamoroll and mocha decorating the tree 💫

fuck people that do not truly respect and love you for you. and fuck people who do not allow you space to pursue your dreams and interests. they will not aid you in your journey. it’s time to cut ties.

The silly

everything has changed me this year and yet, i am more me than i’ve ever bee

Office romances rarely work out but I wish them well

whenever some of you are quiet for a few weeks or more i just assume you’re in jail