“I need to look this up” -me every time Im about to deeply regret my choices

girl that uses a meat thermometer on her dinosaur chicken nuggets

(thinkin of an idiom 2 call my cat dumb) youre not the most solid poop in the box are you

I refuse to ask AI for creative ideas ,so Im summoning an entity in my bathroom mirror to tell me what to do instead

taking my heelys off ,and leaving them in a parking space before grocery shopping

everybody FREEZE

(having phone sex) to shreds you say ?

i just post and the rest is up to god

just told him hes going into the oven

I need to invent a new meat

why am I always battling with chicken flesh

they should send drake to wagwanimo bay

Idk what I expected when I asked for updates on her tattoo

saw her cellulite nd said Ive always wanted a dermal

Im founding a support group for wolfcuts turned mullets due to irresponsible cuttage

starting an indirect with to whom this skeet concerns

freudian slip n slide

guy who posts best under dire circumstances

all this makes me want to return to alcoholism

girl that buys a blender and just starts drinking a bunch of bullshit

(after deleting a post) who said that ?

addicted 2 the feeling of being trusted enough to be cringe around yeesss yesssss open the most embarassing parts of urself up 2 me YES

yall wish u could attain this level of sloppage

I am my cats emotional support animal

Im going through red 40 withdrawals

I love skipping tutorials then getting mad bc Idk how to play the game its just like real life but nobody offered help, I just have the gun

thats not a happy trail thats an ecstatic trail and Im trying 2 go hiking

need some of that gluk gluk iykwim (holding my head under water until I stop breathing)

sorey I didnt answer your call last night my girl and I were fighting “omg what about ?” oh !! no haha no not arguing I meant physically

bomb threats are woke

u think you could diy top surgery like those watermelon rubber band videos ? lmk

they need loop de loops and speed boosts on the interstate ,or something that shits boring

its a doggy dog world bro

looking up the illness benefits instead of the health benefits of various foods to sickmaxx

(TRAGIC ENDING) adhd haver under the assumption that coffee will keep them awake

bathroom dick surgery near me

crunkposting

everyone shit the fuck up Im listenjng to a cacophony of gurgles and groans oghyea

shittiest instant coffee in thw world brewed solely for heart palpitations is Working its Magjc

(SLAP) why am I Hitting myself ?? (SLAP) why am I hitting Myself ???

tonight we’re staying up till 8 Trillion oclock

I have got to retain consxiousness for 600 million more hoirs

pruning the innanet and keeping the weird malformed freak strawberries

(deeply troubled ) can you tell the only intimacy Ive ever experienced was from straight girls that act gay

I get so pissed when someone tries to be my friend ,like I already have a friend right now quit being a fucking homewrecker

drinking vanilla extract like a 5hour energy

skeeting from my leapfrog

people need to put more sounds of frogs in their jazz

Im in your favorite posters nightmare blunt rotation

rubbing one out and not being afraid that dead relatives are watching ,but gettjng Really into it bc I Know charlie kirk is