"The Democrats in the Senate won't approve my budget!" Skill issue.

Debí tirar más fotos de cuando te* tuve *una democracia funcional

Me: So... you, uh ... gather any moss lately? Keith Richards: Bruh.

🎵 Losing all my insects in your back seat 🎶

There is an important conversation we need to have: Ferrero is obviously Italian and Rocher is obviously French, so how the freak are we supposed to pronounce it?

My new aesthetic is macadamia academia.

"You know how car crashes are terrifying but also a little bit fun?" -The guy about to invent bumper cars

i think it is bad that high level public officials do not respect the offices they hold or the public they are supposed to serve

Is this it? Is this the year that @kenjennings.bsky.social wishes me happy birthday back? Happy birthday, Ken! From the second best Salt Lake City Jeopardy champion born on May 23.

What’s a movie you think nobody but you and a handful of people have heard of, that you think is a fantastic film?

The main reason they've only ever allowed one American on GBBO and then sabotaged him is because they can't risk it, can you imagine what would have happened if one of us would have been on there on Mexican Week?

You use your water to cool AI computers (derogatory). (You're on Arrakis).

“The pope will be from Chicago” sounds like an 1880s Republican’s dire prediction for if we don’t stop Irish immigration

TUMBLR POPE

Early exit polls suggest the new pope did particularly well with male voters aged 45-79.

The new Pope, retweeting Senator Chris Murphy, in support of gun control

God, what have You done? He's a woke Marxist Pope And he don't like the Cubs, oh Mary I'm not having fun I converted for this? Is it where I belong?

I'm gonna keep on dancin' for the

If guilty people don't have Due Process rights, then innocent people don't have Due Process rights, because we don't know if they're innocent or guilty until we have a trial or hearing.

“average person has 3 friends" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person has many friends. Mark Zuckerberg who lives in cave & has negative 100000 friends is an outlier adn should not have been counted

The biggest bummer about getting plastic surgery is that when you get resurrected it's like a factory reset.

seems like the administration is objectively pro plane crash www.washingtonpost.com/transportati...

My dear fellow heterosexual girlies, I know we like to collectively whip ourselves into a frenzy about a weird-looking dude, but certainly we must draw the line at Walton Goggins, right? He famously recently starred as Undead Guy with No Nose. Not hot.

It's easy, the reason women like crime podcasts so much is we have to plan for everything that could possibly go wrong.

This. Keep yourself sane over here by just blocking and blocking and blocking.

My great uncle was lynched after coming home from WWI because he went to town & wanted a drink and they refused to serve him— a VET who just fought for this country After missing for hours my granddaddy found him hanging from a tree THATS why I protect my peace Every time I shine it’s for THEM

Brat summer 2.0 but it's bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast.

This is so evil. These people haven't gotten due process.

Sending anyone from this country to a foreign gulag, particularly without a court hearing, should rightfully end a presidency. Full stop.

I want there to be a whole tourism campaign now for Helly R, Montana, where it looks exactly the same as the Helena you've been to before but the vibe is totally different.

Hi, I'm the guy who used to oversee the federal government's agency IT telecommunications contracts. This is extremely bad. There is absolutely no need for this. Not only is it a huge security exposure, but the simplest explanation for this is that it is meant to be a security exposure.

"Sorry the grocery bill is high - it includes an expensive sunscreen that I bought." "It's ok," says my Latino husband who is the color of caramel. "You can get the nice stuff." "Aww, thanks babe, I..." "I know you can't go outside without getting a disease."

thinking of him on his special day

you gotta burn your Alexa's folks

"My Pierogative," it's a Polish restaurant. How do I file a patent?

Conan: You know, Anora is having a good night. That's great news. Two wins already. I guess Americans are excited to see somebody finally stand up to a powerful Russian.

I've created a new, improved version of the US flag that the Trump administration is free to use with pride. I have used my Photoshop skills to remove the weak, ungrateful colors cyan and yellow. This feels like a great representation of who we are as a people right now.

Turns out Zelenskyy is good at standing up against dictators.

Slava Ukraini 🇺🇦

I believe it was the Gates Foundation of all people who did research to find out what the most life-saving work you can do for the smallest monetary investment was and it was: malaria nets. Like, if you want a few dollars to go a long way toward making a difference in the world, give malaria nets.

As a Christian, I believe that we all sin. And that we're responsible for repenting, making restitution where possible, and striving to be better. However, (1/3)

None of us can be sure what will “work.” You try multiple things and find your way in. Read some histories of the Civil Rights Movement by those who participated. They were never “sure” of what would work. Some campaigns fizzled out. But persistence, creativity, determination, and focus were key.

“This loss of talent at NOAA is going to set the agency back years and compromise the integrity of missions that directly support human health and safety, economic prosperity and national security… This is not a move toward efficiency; it’s a move toward putting Americans in danger every day.”

WHY was I born too late to play a supporting role on Peewee's Playhouse?

these terminations are good evidence that this is just wanton destruction by deranged ideologues. there is no rhyme or reason other than whatever makes sense to a bunch of zoomer nazis and their bosses and enablers

No more work-from-home, government workers, except for Kash Patel, who will run the FBI from Las Vegas www.wsj.com/politics/pol...