This would be my origin villain story

me paying $30 in gas to buy imported things that have been hit with tariffs bc joe rogan is learning about politics at age 58

Happy International Women’s Day!!

My coworker showed up with this bag and I almost threatened to fire her if she didn’t give it to me.

the reverse version of those “evolution of man” drawings

Y’ALL. 🤤🤤

No the reason why Platner has been treated with kid gloves by the media is because he was their fucking COKE DEALER???

I just stumbled upon this place in Worcester and my stomach is GROWLING. 🤤🤤

I’m sick of this fucking weather…

"I support a Nazi adjacent noob running for a spot in the Democratic Party because he was blessed by an independent senator with horrible judgment of character" is just total dumbassery

KNOTTY PINE‽!?

Markwayne Mullin, flip it around…

if i was Kristi Noem i simply would not quote Orwell

HELL yes

Whole damn parking lot is black ice and I managed not to fall.

Ok, one thing I learned today is…I need to get a Singlet.

If they want me back they have to go fully Woke 2, sorry. Whole hog. I gotta be able to get an abortion there

“I’m just to only dating women that did CrossFit and Pilates every day.” Like dude, your body is average at BEST. #LoveIsBlind

I don’t get how you can go on a show specifically set in one city knowing you want to move. Like, how can you expect the other person to just immediately uproot their life and move across the country with you? #LoveIsBlind

Snowing again.

None of those people fronting and stunting on IG have any money. That's why whenever these platforms change their algorithms or pay structures they cry about being broke, because they are broke.

No pics of finished product but just know I am FULL 🤤🔥

Atlanta or Philly would be lit.

You just know she wanted to cuss that bitch out ON THE RECORD.

👀👀👀 Thanks, Samsung! #S26Ultra

Beefy man gonna make a beefy stew. 🤤👨🏽‍🍳

One more cold snap today and it looks like it’ll gradually get warmer throughout the week. Happy #MCM

Purging my email inbox because I’m feeling chaotic today.

There’s a reason I stopped listening to these fools after 2016.

I’m so dead

Jayme Lawson from Sinners hit the nail on the head and said how I felt with the whole BAFTAs situation.

The world needs to know why their lives are soon going to be over to protect a pimp. It's time for the other countries to release what they have on the pimp of the united states.

The only thing that would top this is if Rep. Omar actually beats the shit out of Nancy Mace next time they’re in the same room together.

If I had a dollar for every time a customer told me “I never set up a password for that” instead of just saying “I forgot my password, can you help me reset it?” I would never have to work again.

Tough life 😼

Ok, who’s gonna teach me all about Pokémon so I can be a hot sexy nerd like y’all?

I'm so glad I never bought into the "after a certain age, you shouldn't do XYZ" because I will absolutely be 50 still playing Pokemon. Y'all can be the "real" adults with your spouse you hate and accidental kids. 💀

I know absolutely nothing about Pokemon, but I’m excited for y’all. 🩷🩷

🧵

Just remember... Nick Shirley is the reason Renee Good and Alex Pretti were murdered.

Hearing about this new trend. It's called brown hair

Buck getting a lil thicc 👀 #911onABC

I know a Mai Tai at a hibachi restaurant hate to see me coming…

Good morning, cuties! The sun is out and it’s above freezing, so logically it feels like summer. 😂 Enjoy your Friday-eve! 😘🩷

All y'all going to jail

Omg, FINALLY ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ #AnimalCrossing #ACNH

I’m been trying to wash the disgust I have for the US Men’s hockey team off of me and I think this Exhibition skate from Amber Glenn has cured me. 🤩 youtu.be/a3XtombSEpo?...

I hate this thing that Apple Podcasts does now that I guess summarizes the point where I’m listening in the podcast description. So now it’s like a mini spoiler before I hear the good part if I happen to look down while listening.

It’s snowing again. Lock this bitch up!

Same way all you have to do is say you're a Christian and wave a Bible around and half of this country will eat it up: