Returning Jesus Christ Downed By U.S. Missile Defense 30,000 Feet Before Making Landfall

I caught the salute after T-Rex was sworn into The Avengers by Captain himself

Solid chance he doesn't know where he is

That crazy ass Hugo Chavez speech wasn’t this crazy

Quote with your reaction if you actually got raptured

92

When I sort my comics by order of enjoyment.

I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.

One reason I do not think Trump is going to create a 1,000 year reich is because he failed to cancel a middling funnyman and immediately pivoted to trying to outlaw not having a headache.

Chickenshit bitch

If you have any old clothes you’re planning to get rid of, tomorrow would be a really funny day to leave piles of them in random places

The revolution will be sponsored by Tylenol and aired on PBS

I’ve watched Kimmel less than half a dozen times ever. I’m not sure I’ll miss a show ever again.

We need a rapture group chat so we can coordinate and scoop up all the shit they leave behind. I’m making a list now.

26,000 YouTube views for Sinclair’s Charlie Kirk tribute special. Just for comparison, Jimmy Kimmel’s monologue on any average Wednesday will get between two and four MILLION YouTube views. Right wing culture is fringe stuff. It is not American culture by any stretch.

There are 340 MILLION OF US. Don’t you dare get despondent. STAND UP. And go GET YOUR COUNTRY BACK. Please. Let us not cower. This is all absolutely ridiculous. Come on now.

I see sun!

Megachurches have been doing this for decades.

It's sobering, in its way, to realize that there was truly nobody (save, perhaps, his children) who knew him that loved him as a man. He made himself into content, and he died as content, and his funeral is the most content of all. Soundbites to soundbites, bits to bits

91

What does 3rd base mean?

Jameson has insisted on this song being on repeat today lol it’s so random. He just asked “hey, mommy. Can we listen to a song about Texas?” I find this one and now it’s apparently our family song 🤣

Bain Capital needs to buy this thing and liquidate it like Sears

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha

I wishing for 1-17 and Micah as the Super Bowl MVP

I loved that play as a little kid because I thought it was called a “flanker flanker.”

Geezus

2 yard passes make me want to smash things

It was nice of Tom Brady to call this game today so Greg Olsen could be the referee.

If you can’t get turnt for Carson Wentz vs. Jake Browning, don’t even football?

Sharing for the parents.

I will vote for whoever promises to send these people to prison.

90

Seeing that electric bill this morning

It’s nice to see Israel trying to work it out with Russia

Media execs have fallen prey to a propaganda and harassment campaign that has completely divorced them from what people actually want right now. Both their insular information environments (group chats, podcasts) and ambient noise (Twitter reactionaries) have put them in a very stupid bubble.

look, it is comforting to think that your political opponents are, at the end of the day, just people like you who really want us all to live together as Americans. it's just very obviously not *true* in MAGA's case, as you can tell through, well, what they say and do.

Hakeem Jeffries supporting Charlie Kirk before endorsing Zohran Mamdani is really fucking nasty.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

this exists it is called thinking

I truly don't understand how democratic leadership think they are going to move forward after voting to honor a white nationalist who essentially called Black women—the base of the party—stupid. It's insulting. I find it personally insulting.

89

My theory based on nothing more than what I can pull out of my own ass is that he wants to kill Americans and the “adults” in the room can only keep him happy by letting him blow up boats full of people.

Bwahahaahhahahahaahhaaha

Tried Bluefin tonight because I can’t remember having it before. Straight basura.

The first vehicle I ever legally drove was my brother in law’s MPV

That’s pretty good considering he’s 100% bitch

More inflation but slower?

Bad news. Turns out we get Hulu and all that mess free thru T-Mobile. So I’m gonna make one of those spinning signs to convince people to cancel their Disney vacations.