this game is an escort mission for the colts. they have to gain yardage in small chunks and wait for philip rivers to walk up to the line. every couple minutes he spits out some dialogue like "hurry – we have to reach the satellite uplink so we can deliver evidence of the ambassador's wrongdoing"

the last few weeks have been a sobering affair as i now realize that all my rtv bloomfs are secretly romance drama fanatics and simply aren't interested in straight people

yeah biologically speaking my sex seems super changed man idk

someone better talk me out of applying for big orgephant 2 because i’m trying to enjoy my four-month sojourn to ireland *without* psychological manipulation there to distract me from the natural beauty and spice bags

when you’re on survivor 50 and you try to play the iggy azelea fancy idol on yourself but rick devens uses his timothée chalamet dunullifier on you to cancel it out but then mike white plays the hanna montana best of both worlds idol on both of y’all and then cirie gets sent home somehow

this will be my last survivor tweet for years unless 50 is any good so i'll make it count. mike gabler, the survivor player, is spiritually female

and clearly it wasn't an obstacle! #survivor49

the best new era jury question by a wide margin! jurors can use whatever criteria they want to use and no matter how much demons try to gamify every last drop of emotion away from #survivor49, the fact remains that - as you should - you can only win if the other players like you best/hate you least

jeff probst is living proof that awful, awful things happen to the brains of people who stop hearing the word "no" #survivor49

i wish the bb25/tar38 comp designer a very immediate reassignment to a polar bear reality show in the arctic #tar38

you know at first i thought they were crazy for making cabbage patch kids into sexy and provocative cabbage patch adults. but im starting to understand

say what you want about her if you had the opportunity to bed miss piggy you would

they are saying dreadful things about me on the disk hoard

Ethical YouTube drama video where literally all of it is made up and populated with a cast of characters that do not exist IRL, completely fabricated social media screenshots, etc. Mockumentary for the YouTube girlies

thinking abt the time i went to a sex shop and the sales woman recommended me vibrators based on whether or not she liked the color

Violent Urges #scene #emo #art

discovered a new motivation to advance my craft today and well gang im not sure about this one because it is embarrassment,

bestie is a masochist #survivor #survivor45

got swept up in a little new york adventure today and nobody but me was excited at the broad range of humanity on display bro it was so tragic

offseason moment: my favorite big brother spoonerisms

i'll be honest kitten. daddy's about to get nominated for eviction

Marjorie Taylor Greene trying to backpedal after disavowing Trump be like

"scheana shay" is a great thing to say when you want to say "shit" but you're in a pg environment

i have got to undergo one blissful night of bimboification (dressing up, doing my makeup, taking an edible)

difficult knowing exactly what master's i want to pursue but not having a precise career application in mind. ordinarily i imagine it's less important to do so but it seems like for this one it really helps to know what you wanna do from the jump and i cannot be assed, man

MAMDANI: And I just think that there are barriers, barricades, to helping Americans that we can break down TRUMP: Uh huh MAMDANI: And breaking down barriers? Reminds me of a certain Broadway show *smiling widely* where they worked together to break a barricade? TRUMP: *sitting bolt upright* Phantom

incidentally if i'm phil keoghan i'd be so ticked off about big brother punting over the comp designer they no longer want to use to my show. like i get the leftovers? what they say fuck me for?

ethan zohn, or as i like to call him, primordial kyland,

im a totally binary woman who luuuuvs referring to herself as a “guy”. life is filled with majesty and wonder

i’m sick of watching jack and chelsie get lost on my screen send them home EXPEDITIOUSLY #tar38

whatever happened to good old-fashioned cheating for cheating’s sake…sports aren’t the same no more

Btw you can now download the They Might Be Giants album “The Escape Team” completely for free from the @tmbg.bsky.social website. It’s an underrated listen, one of my favs of their recent albums, and not on streaming so now is a good time to hop on it and download tmbgshop.com/collections/...

got coffee

i get it girl... we all feel this way for a couple months right at the beginning,

good night wonderful skyline. big day tomorrow!

medication for my nerve pain gives me joint pain…this is so awesome, i get to choose! :D

now you see me now you see me 2 now you see me: now you don’t now you see me: the magician now I see you NYSM6 now you see me: 7 of diamonds NYSM: sleight of hand SEEIN9 IS BELIEVIN9 now you’ve seen me

btw nobody knows this about me but i invented the white midwestern camp counselor handshake to rule them all

itv-era #bbuk is not really hitting for me like the old days overall, but its run of winners is absolutely generational so far and puts channel 4 and 5 in the dust. jordan ali richard dream blunt rotation

love when a subreddit has a seemingly unrelated political spin going on that acts as evidence of recent or ongoing drama of a very specific nature. you get to follow the clues…exciting! why is r/wikipedia so loudly, nakedly zionist? who knows? i’m gonna find out though! 🔎

Why is Aaron Judge dressed like lesbian The Rock

chuck schumer has been barred from formally observing this year's lexus december to remember sales event. they can't stop him from standing outside, but he will not be allowed into the showroom and he cannot directly behold the obelisk or participate in the thousand screams

Call me the Edmund Fitzgerald the way twenty-nine good men lost their lives going down on me.

‼️🗣️MY BITCH POSE IS NASTY🗣️‼️

I don't know if anyone ever considered this before but I think we should have a left wing party in the United States. Just my opinion

good morning i HATE the democratic party