It’s often been said that the best thing for the use of a man is the enjoying of a horse. Rodald Regan

Me when I discover races and ethnicities: "Oh, those are races and ethnicities"

slack needs a block feature

Doctor Seuss has been posthumously named ambassador to south Vietnam

new update to formal language theory just dropped. turns out there is no such thing as a regular language. yeah they just proved it. that means all regular expressions will stop working right now. yes all of them. yeah right now. sorry everyo

I’m at the combination kfc/ancient Egypt

I got that dog in me, world is my hot car, god refuses to break a window, etc

taking my pants off completely to sneeze

depression is a choice

wandering around the home depot nursery occasionally muttering "fuck me this leaf is *thick*" whenever i encounter a succulent

People think they're fancy saying shit like "𝐴𝑙𝑜𝑒 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑎 is a succulent." Just tell me "this leaf has a big ass"

thanks for inviting me, always down to party, hope you dont mind that i brought my guitar. This is a little song i wrote i thought id play for you all, sort of bob dylan inspired. Its called 'My Soft Penis in a Water Bottle (Stuck)'

tajínis

if i learnt that i only had 50 years left to live i would smoke 185000 cigarettes

bonemealing my pussy

is it the dream of pasta to be cooked

garlic? I barely know lick!

My body is a machine that turns money into poop

im inventing a machine that'll make climate change exponentially worse, im gonna turn it on for like 20 years until we can reverse-engineer how it works and then we'll just sort of do the opposite afterwards. sound good?

idle tongues rim the devil's anus

The moral ass of the universe is thin but it bounces on that thing until it’s a red paste

Pinot Colada

i do not fw delaware

gargling world championship

Full penetration football

whatever man it's all ohio to me

ok sora netanyahu trump putin orgy scene 30 minutes 4k full frontal with bukkake and feet

Live Baby Destruction

one man banned

hey siri how long is frodo's cock. i know he's packing mad heat and i need the truth

gandalf would've fuckin loved weed

First day at my new job. I'm now that guy who comments "I thought the onion was supposed to be satire" on every single social media post from The Onion regardless of the article topic. I am paid six figures a year to do this. Wish me luck

so does andy jassy wake up every morning and intentionally fuck up his hair like that or is he the victim of a witch that cast curse of fucked up hair on him

imagine if you were named Truck

a singular piece of pizza is called a piz

never seen a pussy with an odometer

telling cop i only follow sun god law

the juice is dead

not a fan of strange people tbh but I fuckin love me a good weirdo

they call me the Japanese Prince Harry

now don't make me pull out my concerningly deep knowledge of roman catholic theology

No syrup left fruit

warming myself by the fire (chair used recently by another person) to survive the harsh winter (office is a little cold) while I think of my only child (pet cat) whom I have not seen in years (at least two hours)

streaming from my meta glasses in public loudly saying "hey chat should I punch this old lady" and going temporarily blind from the number of LUL emotes that appear

roughen tumble

a good concert cleans your blood and forgives your sins

Star Wars guy named Pee Vevo

secret government femboy caves

dosing myself with 420 mg of caffeine as a joke

unexpected item in asshole