ACAB for Cutie

Please tell me why my car is in the front yard, Charlie Brown

I have eaten the gerrymanders that were in the state election board and which you were probably saving for the midterms Forgive me they were delicious so risky and so conservative

Organizing, calling your reps, protesting, and having sex with their wives while they're out terrorizing our cities are all good ways to fight back

Mary Kay-sexual because I earn a commission for everyone I fuck. And you can too!

How the Grinch stole my sunshine

i’m posting the video again

When you do anal, you’re a deep space ass-tronaut.

Even in these difficult times we must continue making art. That's why I will always post things such as "The ass is the window to the soul"

Make someone fall in love with you in three words or less: Free mustache rides

Make someone fall in love with you in three words or less: Eats, shoots, leaves

She’s a 10 but she still calls it “Tar-zhay.”

She’s a 10 but she relies on AI for her dirty talk.

Movie you’ve watched more than six times with a gif. Hard mode: no Stars (Wars nor Trek), LOTR, or Marvel, Disney Animated or Pixar.

Maslow’s hierarchy of nipple clamps

Size doesn’t matter, I swear, Charlie Brown

The kegel-ian dialectic continues during sex

The cock Ring camera stays on during sex

It’s called earning your red wings, Charlie Brown.

I track them in a Sexcel spreadsheet

I’d marry my Water Pik because it’s compact, easily manipulated, and it squirts.

I’d marry my dryer because it responds to my touch, can go for an hour, and is always ready for a tumble.

I’d marry my refrigerator bc that thing is tall, chill, and will open wide for me.

I like my women like l like my straws Bendy

Slip n Slide taste on a Glad bag budget

Omakase taste on a sardine budget

I like my women like I like my fade High and tight

I like my women like I like my corn Creamed

What should I wear for an evening of eating out?

The sommelier said I wasn’t a vintage worth sampling, do you think that’s an aloofemism?

I’d think about getting pegged if it wasn’t for the penetration

🎶 "Well I saw one Mr Lon Chaney yes he was walking he was gallivanting with the Queen and her retinue yes and I wondered whether their bodies were in a performance a stark imitation of the Werewolf of London." 🎶

Pop Cocks

Change one letter, ruin a candy On Henry!

George Santos promises to return all the money if the game just ends

Podcast where GenX lawyers discuss their favorite bands: Love and Dockets.

M. Night Shyamylanta’s antacid for after

Francis Ford Capocollopola’s cured meats

🎶Return of the Mack(inac Island tourists)🎶

What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched your sexy bananas.

“Yeah, reverse cowgirl is my favorite, too”

Mash up bands: Fleetwood Mouse

When things are stupid, I decompress by watching “The Boondock Taints”

Moosky for dairy farmers

Yay!

I try to build my life around things that are permanent and meaningful exactly for times like this moment in history. I plan to lean into them now more than ever. Nature, my friends, kindness, doing service, love, making art. Those give life balance and comfort, through anything.

Newer Order