I wish it was even remotely possible to fall asleep

I need to make a holy pilgrimage to Buc-ee's

gun in my mouth do you think im hot

if youre having trouble making a decision just wait until youre hungry angry tired and lonely and then just do whatever comes naturally

Just had my fucking brain exploded into a million pieces by phylogeny once againn Horseshoe crabs, through recent genetic testing, appear to maybe be a sister group to Ricinulei, within the arachnids

Kill em with kindness type shit

Today, our friend Jay USAF Major Jason Watson read his oath to the Constitution and demanded that Congress do its job to IMPEACH this President and cabinet. He was arrested on the Capitol steps. #DOOR @defendersofourrepublic.org @removalcoalition.bsky.social @citizensimpeachment.com

Nobody even says hawk tuah anymore

Be as gay as you can today, itll be another 11 months before we can do this shit again

Drag name Helena Handbasket

All these mfs foibled 😒

I have deep esoteric knowledge of various shit

First date idea: we go spelunking in the flooded mine

Pronouncing cantaloupe like Penelope

The clutch of eggs inside me is getting weighty and the magnetic pole is guiding me to the beach on which I was born

"You gonna pass the J, dawg?' "OH mb bro, here"

Ladies, im 5'8 and really fucking annoying

When women see me at the gym theyre always thinking "omg whos that really jacked guy hes so hot" 😏

1000 mg Tylenol save meeee

I need to get better at maintaining my vibe

Saw me in half about it

I cant believe people will actually pay me to make shit out of metal, like wym I have a marketable skill lmao

Im five fucking feet 8 fucking inches tall and it makes me MAD 😠

This machine makes me painfully aware of my five foot eightedness

A lot of people dont realize

In the puh just purring and making biscuits :3

My ex hasnt used me as a cock slave in a full month, am I worthless

Imagine my neurodivergent surprise when I discovered that many people do NOT want your honest opinion; they actually want you to lie to their face instead.

I hope some pretty dyke spits straight into my fucking face like a dilophosaurus at Pride

i am so sad and cynical and i don’t want to be

Good fortune will befall you promptly

Im sober tonight, posting is cancelled

i get that i have to live this life or die but im still weighing my options

im gay asfuck and i will kill again

A lot of kids my age think that having "swag" and hooking up with chicks and basically being a big douche is the most important things in life >:/

When I was a kid I never thought a rap could be scary and intense. And then freaking Eminem happened...

Bro I think you should stalk your ex more, unblock her on insta

mouse dick

I was a little impatient with the edibles this time eesh

Stoned bike ride time, what could be better than this

dont piss on MY pants and say i aint potty trained

What is the point of alt text genuinely

Aye bro pass that blunt

I need to be sprayed with a hose

>do they keep you in a little clock? Clocky. >Clocky. >Getting clocked is never easy. Clocky. >Clocky. >Clocks pass the time. Do you pass? Passoid. >Passoid. >Do you hate the passoid? >Passoid. >Why don't you go ahead and repeat that for me three times? Passoid. >Passoid. Passoid. Passoid.

The vibes are fucked until further notice

Im beginning to think redbull and gas station egg sandwiches are making my IBS worse

My execution is scheduled for tomorrow, what should I wear