Mark Cuban: "Are you poor fuckers okay with getting the exact same coverage you're getting now, with the same shitty limitations, for a much smaller portion of your paycheck? While billionaires are taxed more of your hard-earned money that they funnel to themselves? WELL, ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?"

Look here, Mother Nature, I'm as excited about the Pete Alonso signing as anyone, but the "Polar Bear" thing is a goddamn nickname! We don' need fucking polar vortex weather to welcome him to Baltimore, goddammit! #Orioles

If you can listen to this song and not get chills, especially knowing what Freddie Mercury was going through when they recorded it, well, you & I ain't built the same. youtu.be/t99KH0TR-J4?...

We are all talking about a major FA signing instead of the Rule 5 draft. This is nice. We deserve this.

If nothing else, it's gonna be fun to say "Alonso" in full Bawlmerese for the next few years.

Now he's Pete AlsonsO

Orioles 2026

Maybe that will make Aaron Judge stop being a whiny bitch about the fence in Camden Yards.

Well, this should at least quiet the "Elias won't spend" rhetoric for a while. #Orioles #Birdland www.mlb.com/news/pete-al...

Did I want Kyle Schwarber on the Orioles? Hell yes. He's a good guy on the field and from all reports he's a real clubhouse glue guy, something we desperately need. But 5 years? That contract feels like it would be a goddamn albatross on our necks by the end. So I ain't sweating it too much.

I'm going to need all football games broadcast in this format from now on. Baseball too. If MASN wants me to pay for 2026 they better get on the fucking bandwagon

Why’d they call it Death by Lightning when Garfield and Friends was right there

Any kid under 16 who throws 100+ pitches per game or is taught to throw a curveball should be allowed to sue his fucking coaches until he's 30.

Andrew Luck standing on the Stanford sideline like

I can fucking do that, goddammit. #MandateFromTheMasses

The economy is FAR WORSE than the government is acknowledging. This holiday season, if you know folks struggling, don't be afraid to leave a mystery box of groceries or some gifts from Santa for the kids on their porch. Maybe drop a grocery store gift card in their mailbox. Be the Christmas magic.

Name your favorite Tom Hanks film.

Have they looked at how we've played this fucking season?

Leave it to 2025 to turn Weird Al into Serious Alfred. I honestly didn't know that he had ever uttered a curse word. I was not prepared. youtu.be/COZcKrUx1Ts?...

Chili's Menu, by Cormac McCarthy www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/chi...

Witch: You will be one of the most famous Chief Justices ever. Roberts: Wow! Witch: Oh, not in that way.

Again, if you had told me before the season that after week 14 the #Ravens would have the same record as the #Chiefs, I would have been ecstatic. Now?

More half-baked fan blaming the refs bullshit from well-known #Ravens uber-fan... [checks notes] ...Mike Florio... share.google/vo9LOke1iaer...

Let me see if I understand. If a receiver catches a ball in the end zone, gets 2 feet down, then goes out of bounds, it's a TD. But since it wasn't an out of bounds play, Likely needed to get *3* feet in for the catch to count? www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/...

I'm having a crisis of scheduling. Clear & Present Danger is one of my favorite shitty movies. A perfect combination of peak Harrison Ford is a badass (?) mixed with local dude Tom Clancy MD civic pride. But I need to finish making our pet food by 9 so they can have dinner. Dammit, #HATM

You know how much I loathe blaming umps/refs for a loss. Yes, they're here for one goddamn reason. Be better. Don't give them the opportunity to affect the outcome. But between the flag on the FG & the overturned Likely TD, it's hard to not lay a decent amount of blame at their feet. #RavensFlock

An obvious homer post by noted #Ravens fan... [checks notes] ...Michael Schur...

I have been extremely vocal about the ravens play calling and faults with this team. despite some struggles they made the plays when it mattered most today in a hard fought rivalry game. the refs erased two of the biggest plays by the ravens today. I think that is worth bringing up is all.

Yeah, I think I might be done with the Ravens watching this year. The country is in a fucking dystopian freefall into authoritarianism. I don't need to see it in between beer & online sports gambling ads for 3+ hours every fucking week.

Dear #Ravens, If I wanted to watch shitty, uninspiring, undisciplined fucking football, I would watch #Terps reruns. At this point, I may just be done with you for the season. How soon until the goddamn pitchers and catchers report?

Emery Jones Jr. needs to be playing from now on. It is hard to imagine that he would be any worse.

I can see me checking out of this game by halftime. I still have to make the pet food, and Mission Impossible: Final Reckoning ain't gonna watch itself... #RavensFlock

I liked it better when we were 1-5 and I didn't have any glimmers of hope. Then I wouldn't be so fucking annoyed right now #RavensFlock

Maybe we try blocking one of the best goddamn defenders in the fucking NFL? Could we scheme up something like that, Monken? What do you think, chaps? #RavensFlock

Not a Blue Jays, Dodgers, or Freddie Freeman fan. But this is so damn good that for the rest of the holiday season, I'm kicking dirt on my disdain for all of them. Unless TOR keeps adding fucking players. Then it's game fucking on with the hate again. www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iG5...

[Liam Gallagher watching old Bond movies] anyway, here's Thunderball.

This is absolutely terrible of me, but Jitter having a girlfriend reminds me of the old Maltesers ad that ran during the London Paralympics:

I only go here when Spatula City is closed.

Here's the thing. I understand each of these words individually. I know what each and every one of them means. But in this order, I have zero fucking idea what the hell is happening.

I saw someone post somewhere that Timothee Chalamet & Megan Thee Stallion have the same middle name and now I can't unthink it.

Dear MAGA, PLEASE boycott over Costco Tariffs. You Segway-riding asses take all the handicapped parking & bitch when the 75-YO lady who still has to work won't give you a 9th fucking sample of chicken nuggs. Go shop at a fucking Sam's Club. They're Walmart, but bulkier. Right up your goddamn alley.

As I Lay Buying www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/as-...

Bill Kristol is a better Democrat than the House Minority Leader. Let THAT sink in.

It's 2025, and I am 100% this raccoon. apnews.com/article/drun...

What do y'all say about this #NFL trade: Mike Tomlin for John Harbaugh, straight up, no sweeteners. Just a head coach swap.

We are not at war with Venezuela, yet. The boats are civilian craft. The U.S. criminal code does not maintain a death penalty for drug smuggling. Due process is required before conviction or sentence. All of the 80 people killed thus far are wanton murders slain under illegal orders. All of them.

I named my fists The and Umps, because they're only here for one goddamn reason.

I'm honestly surprised that I'm under 50%.