So this is what being a total fucking failure feels like. Now I have THAT in my repertoire...

Because I know I don't belong here in heaven.

It's amazingly freeing to realize that nothing fucking matters & we are worthless pieces of shit that the universe has never given a fuck about, and that no one will give am iota of a fuck when we're gone. So let it fucking come for me. I'm ready.

It's an odd moment when you realize that your entire existence was worthless & the world would have been better if your attempt when you were 14 had been successful. Now I have to live with worthless self.

Me listening to Devo in 1985: "These guys are funny." Me at a Devo concert in 2026, thinking about the state of the American Experiment: "Fuuuuuuuuuu..."

No matter where you think this story is going next, you are wrong. local12.com/news/nation-...

I did not have "turning the engine off at the stop light to change shoes" on my MTA Mobility rideshare BINGO card, but here we are...

SO many people on Medicaid will be completely fucked by this. EVERY state is going to have MASSIVE problems implementing this, especially since 47's goons have again changed the rules they said would be implemented. I'm honestly scared shitless for my patients. www.npr.org/2026/06/03/n...

Dear coworker, Sorry it took me so long to reply to your text, but (as per MY text to you from this afternoon), since my wife is in the fucking emergency room & they still haven't figured out what the fuck is wrong with her, I'm a little goddamn distracted.

Tinker, Tailor, Grogu, Spy Raiders of the Lost Grogu Citizen Grogu Forrest Grogu Austin Powers: The Spy Who Grogu'ed Me Grogu in the Rain 300 Grogus Fast Times at Grogu High The Dark Knight Grogus

If you need proof that English is a stupid fucking language: Monosyllabic is not a one syllable word.

I don't sleep well when my wife is away. Usually, if we're apart at night, it's because I'm in the hospital, so I can blame the beeping & the constant hum of activity. But tonight, while she's in a hotel room for a weekend excursion I planned for her, I lie here wide awake, thinking of her.

My remote job just hired a new supervisor.

Dammit. soultracks.com/clarence-car...

There's a store called "Target"?

Samples! At the Costco. I have High Hopes for that salmon charcuterie.

Buckley v Valero walked back our rights to fair elections so that Citizens United v FEC could run those rights ALL the way back. Add in the 21st century return of Jim Crow, & you get where we are right now. www.nytimes.com/2026/05/06/u...

You don't realize just how many booze commercials are on TV until you decide to stop drinking for a while. Because DAMN.

Sometimes you just need some Kid Charlemange in your ears. This is one of those times. youtu.be/jJ9Xk-VoGqo?...

Maya Angelou will ALWAYS rise.

Find. The. Lie. kevinmlevin.substack.com/p/jim-crow-d...

Yes, autocorrect. When I typed "wuth", I CLEARLY meant "wuthering", not "with." That's some fine autocorrecting there, phone.

Frequently Asked Questions About Our Innovative New EdTech Collaboration www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/fre...

#IfIRuledTheWorld no drug would be illegal once you turn 70. Snort some cocaine. Inject pure heroin between your toes. Why the hell not?

There are a lot of excellent cover songs, but for me, this may be the best. And it's criminally underrated music.youtube.com/watch?v=Rj_N...

John knew what was coming. The American Experiment has failed, because the majority of voters were so against a woman leading the nation that they repeatedly elected an adjudicated sexual offender & 34-count felon. Great job, assholes. music.youtube.com/watch?v=l8Gg...

If I could choose to be anything, I'd choose to not be wrong so goddamn always.

When the hell did Chili's get "standards" in the first place? www.independent.co.uk/news/world/a...

Can we reboot Say Anything, but set in medieval times? Lloyd could hold a minstrel above his head while they play "In Thine Eyes."

Welp, I'm never leaving the house again... Swoveralls share.google/hozBduQxCbUx...

How in the hell is "Markwayne Mullin" not one of the names @mst3kofficial.bsky.social used for David Ryder in Space Mutiny?!?

1st appointment with my (hopefully) new PCP. According to their scale, I now weigh 30 lbs. less than I've been lying about on my driver's license since I started driving. If the doctor is half as nice as that scale, i found my guy.

The GOP has a Nazi problem. archive.ph/vR1Zo

Hey fruits, what are you known for? Apples: I'm so good for you, I keep the doctor away Oranges: My juice is what starts your morning Grapes: I'm the reason there's wine Bananas: I provide so much potassium Avocados: I turn into guacamole Cranberries:... ... ...Fucking UTIs

Imagine. Just fucking imagine. 😳👇

Ramadan Mubarak to all my Muslim friends and family. Love to you all!

Rest in Power, Reverend Jackson. youtu.be/zuZV7ES4VE8

The view from our hotel window. Shockingly, it is overcast and intermittently raining. #Inveress #Scotland

Trying REALLY HARD to fight past the "eat a can of Aldi Spaghetti-O's cold straight out of the can" level of depression to make SOME kind of actual meal. Right now, it's 60-40 & pick 'em.

AI slop is getting harder and harder to detect.

Whoa Black Betty

It's weirdly freeing when you realize that nothing that you care about & nothing that you give a fuck about matters to anyone in your life.

Biden’s mangling of a few words was a major story. Trump’s public descent into full-blown dementia is not.

I bet whoever first thought of that "Hey Hey! Ho Ho! [whatever is being protested] has got to go!" wished they'd gotten a copyright on it.

I'm kind of upset that none of my Gen-X trivia teams here in the greater Baltimore area ever used the team name "Archbishop Curley Shuffle." www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FOU...

The existence of ground beef indicates the existence of air beef and water beef. We're being denied alternate beefs.

This is incredibly difficult to look at, but we have to. We have to see and acknowledge the atrocities the federal government is doing in our names. If you are a citizen of the US, you are complicit. I am complicit. But I will not be silent.

“This is God’s call to The Episcopal Church now, and it is not an easy one. … we no longer live in a time when we can expect to practice our faith without risk, and we are confronting what vulnerable communities of faith have experienced for generations.” www.episcopalchurch.org/publicaffair...

In case anyone was wondering, "9 Dead Because of ICE" fits perfectly in the chorus, rhyme scheme be damned. music.youtube.com/watch?v=l1Pr...