showing up to work full of gusto with the power of the entire US federal government behind me and immediately blowing a rigged show trial because i forgot to put on pants

BOATS/BOAT

i ate a whole onion tonight.

this is why i will always be back. my shambling corpse will crawl out of the morgue to the nearest hospital computer to make a necrophilia post

if i'm gonna kill all my good jokes in the crib cuz badfaith scolds on here might use me as an excuse to go off on their own personal hangups cuz there wasn't anyone else closer at hand i wouldn't never tell a joke tbh. i just gotta live and die by the bit or never really live at all

Lil snow boi #digimon

nah that one's boring. too obvious

the true Business Executive's Secret to Success is making sure anything you make has a fuckable rabbit in it

sucking on a titty and having it make the halo shield recharge sound effect

titties with the gmod collision physics

sucking on a titty and having it make the half-life1 recharge sound effect

my thoughts on current events are as follows:

paid by the SEC to infiltrate furry communities and post from alts that the spacejam rabbit is hotter than the zootopia rabbit & vice versa

ngl if i posted any kinda actually freakish shit i'm into and someone responded "wow that's uh, messed up." my first instinct isn't to go "okay Hitler" it's to say "yeah i know that's why it's hot. duh"

none of you have anything you can do and everyone you'd bite is outside your cage so you're gnawing on the padding again like you've got a fresh kill

you're all on a hair trigger because you're powerless and it's showing, like ragged clothes after sleeping in the car for a few days

everyone's insane. i love you all

i know i'm insane. eternal psychic war on reality and we're child soldiers on stimulants. there's no winning

"acab includes ppl who jork it to the zootopia rabbit"

some of you fuckers are boring as shit. develop distress tolerance and a sense of humor or you're never surviving what's coming

i think trans women should be allowed to be a little hyperbolic on a microblogging website. as a treat

a fun game to play if you ever wind up in this situation is to - and this only works sometimes - quietly open the stopwatch on your phone, ask them "hey man sooo, you like this car?" and then time their response. my record is 13 minutes 49 seconds

Fuck, The Uber Driver's In A Tesla

paid by the SEC to infiltrate furry communities and post from alts that the spacejam rabbit is hotter than the zootopia rabbit & vice versa

ok i'm done. this is my favorite joke of the entire week already

"acab includes ppl who jork it to the zootopia rabbit"

given how trans women aren't treated as humans and too many are treated as objects or things even by partners, it's really the smallest of wonders that so many end up identifying with dolls and robots and undead

making this a yearly event. it's now the 2026 Challenge

if i disagree with you directly it's because i respect you. if i don't respect you i'm going to ignore you.

"you're in a parasocial relationship with your wife" "calling your friends snuffbait is harassment" "transmedicalism is when you provide women HRT" the doctors not being able to make the slightest sense of my rambling close the door to my cell and silently agree to forget i'm in there

buddy you seem to have forgotten that you exist on this bitch of an earth to increase shareholder value. now get back to work

"i want nobody to ever think badly of anything I'm into!" buddy, pal, compadre i don't think you wanna live in a world where the stuff some of us are into doesn't raise a few eyebrows, yknow what i'm saying the fact it's so fucked up is part of the whole deal

ngl if i posted any kinda actually freakish shit i'm into and someone responded "wow that's uh, messed up." my first instinct isn't to go "okay Hitler" it's to say "yeah i know that's why it's hot. duh"

flipping the script and cancelling the dogtits modder for joining X after Elon bought it

and now i'm going back to bed.

conducting an experiment

my thoughts on current events are as follows:

"make "keeping the property value down" posts but acting like an HOA neighbor"

"used to be a poster's code" is the unintentionally funniest shit i ever seen my dude i remember forums in '01 where ppl were trying to emotionally cause enough harm to the other ppl on there to goad them into self terminating

sometimes you gotta just fire wildly to remind people you are capable of first strike bsky.app/profile/syna...

I have impeccable aim with this mortar but I chose to use a mortar and not a rifle specifically because the area of effect was intentional, not accidental.

conducting an experiment

sucking on a titty and having it make the halo shield recharge sound effect

sucking on a titty and having it make the half-life1 recharge sound effect

shot // chaser

titties with the gmod collision physics

i never should've deleted my post about how some ppl on here have the deescalation skills of a SWAT team leader