They can talk about “kirkgate” as much as they like in terms of a conspiracy but I won’t accept any pronunciation other than kergit

That’s like saying you won’t make it sunny by pointing out that it’s raining.

"she breasted boobily down the stairs" but for journalism about northerners

“Under my direction, all future MREs will have a two drink minimum.” - Pete Hegseth

We said no, cos we wouldn't fly it and they were beautiful, they should be flown. So he flew them and we watched. But it was a lovely moment on a crisp, cold and windy afternoon. Screw everyone who would try and put hate between me and a man flying a kite.

He saw us watching and beckoned us close. Brought the kite down so we could see it was home made, he had a few with him. He told us his name and that he was originally from Afghanistan. Then tried to give us one of his spare kites.

A week or so ago I was taking MrsRJ to some of the more deprived areas of Leeds so she could take research photos for a thing. We saw a man flying a kite, it was remarkable. Just one string and he was making it do amazing stunts.

Israel will have broken any ceasefire by the end of the day

Conclavin

Perhaps…

“Mosht thingsh in here don’t react too well to bulletsh.”

It’s like looking up the nose of god

I still feel some dissonance when a computer has the temerity to mount a drive as “B:”, as though that isn’t the sacred bailiwick of the 5 1/4 inch floppy disk drive.

Windows updates like “hang on, we’re just making your computer worse ☺️”

When I get the aux cable:

elon musk’s computer girlfriend tossing him off:

I can’t believe it’s not I can’t believe it’s not butter

We’re watching a slow mo guys video, and they’ve just introduced a stretch Armstrong toy. Davey: “That the first man on the moooon!”

Broke: Reach across the aisle Woke: Punch across the aisle Bespoke: Reach across the void and embrace the elder gods and drag them screaming into our realm to visit unimaginable horror upon your enemies and assume your rightful place on the throne of earth, to usher in a glorious new age

Broke: Pronouncing it bo-der-see-ah Woke: Pronouncing it “boody-kah” Bespoke: Pronouncing it “Bo-day-sha”

ANNOUNCEMENT: Hard Drive Has Been Sold to Shinra Electric Power Company in 100 Trillion Gil Deal

You; uncultured and unsophisticated: “Bum crack” Me; suave, stylish, debonair:

OH MY GOD

*thumping the table* KRYSTEN RITTER KNITTER KITS FOR YOUR RITTER KNITTING BITS DON'T BE BITTER OR A QUITTER DON'T BELIEVE YOUR KNITS ARE SHITTER DON'T GET JITTERS, KNIT OUTFITTER KNIT LIKE KRYSTEN RITTER KNITS

“OOOOOOOO”

Did a bit of bulk shopping for the noodles I have for my lunches on my hungry days so all being well tomorrow I’ll take delivery of 33 pots of nissin cup noodles in five different flavours, which should last me until mid January.

I can’t remember if I’ve posted this here before but I don’t care either way I’m very proud of it.

Something something war on christmas

If you painted an inclined railway to look like a toadstool you could call it a funiculungus.

I don’t think I ever posted this so here, have a picture of a squad of Atalan Jackals and Jackal Alphus!

What’s your sign?

OH MY GOD

It’s a good year (for soup)

The only lesson Keir Starmer learned from The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists was how to paint pine

They predate bathrooms by quite a few years too so you probably would be able to hear it if you somehow cloned one and placed it in a bathroom, flapping its leathery wings and shrieking in a vain attempt to comprehend the situation it had been dragged through the epochs to endure

“The Danish team look very disappointed, now let’s see their scores.”

Olympic trampolining but the medals just go to the team who the judges think had the most fun

Two of my friends got married in a deconsecrated church and every time I try to recall that fact my brain serves up “desecrated church” and that’s a way better name right?

Liberal UK journalists saying "finally Keir Starmer is saying what he needs to say" is their version of US journalists saying "today is the day Trump became president" tbh

Trump watched Roujin Z and thought it was a documentary.

he looks like a young tommy wiseau

In the same vein; online marketing people use literally any other adjective than stunning challenge level impossible

I saw a thing the other day saying it was “officially spooky season” and people really need to stop using that fucking word I do not think there is an office of spooky season that issues these edicts

"Gas Station Employee" pen and sharpie.

Friends fear he’s watching another non-narrative documentary:

[flirting] wow, you're so pedantic. do you wanna have sex?