You can tell people you don't have the capacity to socialise or even just converse. Doesn't mean they understand what you said because they'll be like "text me or call me, we can have coffee if you need"... People hear what they want to hear. Work uses everything I have. I have nothing left.

I see 2 South African dates. Pretoria so I'm assuming the Sunbet Arena. Need to look this up

South African coal is fuelling the genocide of the Palestinian people and naked aggression against Iranians. Please sign this petition calling on parliament to halt all coal exports to the genocidal, settler state: awethu.amandla.mobi/petitions/pe...

My mom was mad at me this morning. My keys weren't where they're supposed to be so I had a mini meltdown obviously. It just threw me off because why weren't they there? Then I thought I'd be late for work so I cried & my mom was like "you're too old to be crying over keys". Which valid but still

My mom is trying to help according to what helps her. We are not the same. I've never been big on people & socialising. I prefer to just be at home. She's forcing me out the house because she thinks it'll help. It won't. I'm drained. I need to be able to just be & that can't happen outside.

I've been crying the past 2 days. I have a birthday party to attend today. When I initially RSVP'd, it was scheduled for last week Saturday & it was weeks in advance. I was happy with the date. This month has already taken a toll on me & I'm not fit to socialise & smile & be nice today.

My siblings keep saying things will get better. They have no way of knowing that. They're just saying stuff & it's meaningless & there's no evidence to suggest things will improve if they've only gotten worse. There's no reason to believe things will suddenly be okay. Ugh.

One death is too many, but this feels like a lot in such a short time.

Releasing that I just can't handle any disruptions to my routine right now. It's messing me up more than I thought. I also have a birthday party to attend on Saturday. I don't know how I'm going to handle that after a whole week of being "on".

Last minute house sitting thing for a friend. Didn't think it would derail me this badly but here we are. Today is the last night. I get to go home tomorrow morning. After feeding the dogs obviously.

I've been thrown off except it's my fault this time. I'm about to cry. At work... Need to escape. I need out.

Why did I open my Instagram to that notification of "someone thinks you might need some extra support right now"?... I mean, fair because of that one reel I shared to my story but also... I'm on my period so things are just amplified. The bad thoughts are common. They're sticking around.

Realising that I've probably just been in burnout for the last 10 years, probably longer. Just going off of when my fatigue started. Then the other symptoms followed about a year later. Then it's been something new every 18 months or so since. Not to say my mom can't be right about the RA either.

When I complained to my sister, she thought I meant that the people in question weren't ageing well so she didn't correct my misunderstanding. Meanwhile, I literally meant "I can see the wrinkles... Why are people lying?"... Whole time they didn't mean it literally so I just misunderstood..

I also only figured out on Saturday that when people say "they/you don't age" referring to somebody, they actually just mean the person is ageing well. I swear I've been perplexed for months. Even complained to my sister because I thought people just couldn't see the signs of age 😂😂😂

Last week was a lot. I'm on the verge of telling my friend to cancel our planned trip to Mozambique in May. I can't. I just can't. My capacity to do anything is waning. It's getting worse.

This is my life.

In other news, my dreams are very disturbing. I'm also disturbed by the fact that they have the power to wake me up with my heart beating out of my chest. Yes, they give me that much anxiety.

I didn't realise this thing logged me out because why did I have to login again this morning? Annoying but at least I still remember my password. Yay me.

Bonang Matheba. I'm pretty sure it's her.

I should probably talk to my mom & sister about my ever declining mental state but I'm so tired of being the one who needs all the extra help & attention. I do, I know I do but it's not nice. And I don't want them stressed & on high alert but it's better that than them being caught off guard.

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Age verification? I remember renting videogames as a kid. 👴🏻

“Four of my children just evaporated,” Badran said, holding back tears. “I looked for them a million times. Not a piece was left. Where did they go?” There are no words to adequately describe the evil here.

Me: arrives at work Also me: immediately goes on lunch because head office training was delayed. Also because vegan therefore no muffins or anything for me. Everyone else got to eat. I haven't eaten.

My brain is not built for corporate. At all. I can't do this. I need out of this whole life. I need a new brain & life that's less painful to function in.

Yesterday, the bad thoughts had me. It was horrendous. I was struggling. Cried when I got home too. I was a mess. Still am but it's less intense this morning

Rape culture has to be destroyed if we gon get anywhere. Can't be community if community ain't safe for everybody

All that to say, that man is beautiful.

Netanyahu tweeting that Epstein was not an Israeli intelligence asset proves beyond reasonable doubt that he was in fact an Israeli intelligence asset, probably a General in the Mossad.

Still can't get past my sister saying only old people find Method Man attractive 😭😭😭 I'm part of the old people because she was 24 at the time & she loves to poke fun at her millennial siblings. She's the baby. I get it though. Very few people under 30 are looking at the 50+ crowd as attractive

This song. My gosh, this song. I love Joy so much. tidal.com/track/488301...

Also not how he said "when I want you, I expect you to be available". This man is dating women but sees them only as objects for his sexual pleasure because real people have hobbies & lives, possibly careers, friends etc. Women do not exist for your sexual pleasure. That's not how that works.

Social media makes gen pop scary. This woman posted a break up text from a guy who said she's childish because he found a library card in her wallet, libraries are only for children and she's probably a pdf for wanting to be where children go to read. WTF? 😭 Jesus send the flood and the fire please

@disableddaydreamer on threads

Random as hell but Sanaa Lathan is such a baddie. She's so beautiful. Regina Hall is also such a baddie. The most underrated of baddies. Underrated because she doesn't get enough credit for how talented she is & how funny she is. Honk for Jesus Save Your Soul should've gotten her an Oscar.

I told my new friend about Priscilla Renea's (Muni Long) album Colored. Before she was releasing music as Muni Long, she did a country/indie/folk fusion album & it's beautiful. Anyway, his feedback has been positive. Glad someone else loves it like me.

I understand that it's cheaper to buy the data bundles for WhatsApp & other apps but the part of me that doesn't like having my data on all the time when I'm out hates it. People try to call via WhatsApp or Instagram & then think I'm unavailable. Whole time I just forgot to put my data back on.

One of the Kings in my drag group finally have me my birthday present. It's one of those pocket knife, handy tool things. I've been telling myself I'm going to get one for years. I'm so happy. I got it on Saturday.

Yes. And it's free. I love it.

I know why Whatsapp calling has taken over but I hate it so much. If it was up to me, I wouldn't even use WhatsApp. I only have it because work things. Work group chat. Then drag group chat. Can we go back to buying minutes? I still prefer to just call people without depending on WiFi or data.

I'm spiraling. Lack of sleep probably. My brain is on a spiral. I better get better sleep today. Last night was atrocious. Interrupted sleep & just generally poor because my brain wouldn't stop.

It's just occurred to me that it's 20:47 & I haven't eaten dinner... Maybe a smoothie because protein & fruit? Because I can't do much right now. My brain hates me. And maybe also because the world is a hellscape that forces me to use up my spoons for a job for survival.

Tw/Epstein files, cannibalism . . . . . I'm also not at all shocked at the cannibalism stuff. When I found out that they were eating the Egyptian mummies back in the day, my brain immediately was like "elites are absolutely still doing that I guess". It would shock me more if they didn't.

Also this is the most unimportant tangent but I saw a post about my wife, Queen Latifah, at the Grammys. She cut her hair... She looks amazing obviously because with that face, she can do whatever & look great, but I'm amazed. This must be how others feel when I cut mine. Except I usually go bald.

Also starting to wonder if the chronic health issues are all just a result of the burnout & maybe my autistic burnout has been a thing for at least a decade now. Because it started with just the fatigue for about a year before any pain. And it's just gotten worse with a new thing popping up.

My sister has been reading the Epstein files & she's rightfully traumatised. She also wants me to care that I got the COVID vaccine because we don't know what was in it & they mentioned it in the files years before COVID hit. My body has had it out for me for at least a decade. I can't care.