Guys we need to implement training on how to execute barrel-leg jeans. They only work if they are VERY specifically styled (footwear, top). This is a high degree of difficulty and as it stands 99.5% of barrel-leg wearers are failing.

Children, it is 8:40pm. I am sick and have been on my feet for 14 hours. Can you please just let Mommy have her martini, stare into space, and hack her lungs up in peace

"Thousands of dollars...to treat women harmed by mifepristone" is fucking SENDING ME. A hospital in this country charges hundreds for a box of Kleenex. This means that somewhere Medicaid got a $2000 bill for someone who got a throat laceration swallowing the pill the wrong way

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Mamdani has demonstrated something that Democrats have largely forgotten. You can't just do good things for voters and expect to be rewarded for it. You have to tell them about it, over and over again. You have to advertise your work in office just as much as you did on the campaign to win it.

The Beach Striplings

here we go again, the new york times calling an increase of 115k jobs under Trump "solid" while it called similar or considerably bigger gains under Biden "disappointing" or "weak"

Man I declare without irony that it is TIME for a good Brigadoon revivial. Straight-up romantasy with wall-to-wall jams

The Reds have not won a game since I posted this 🤣🤣🤣 In this time they've had approximately one billion runs scored against them

My brand of anxiety is that someone I don't know speeds himself off a bridge in a city I no longer live in and that's it, two weeks of sleep just tanked

Going on hour 7 of telling my child to get dressed

OH: “sporadically”

After I posted this the Pirates scored like a month's worth of runs on the Reds in a game and a half.

There are still delightful corners of the internet and the corners are always in surprising places. #myworthlessroosterjustrunsawayeverytime

This picture makes me want to retire from something

The Reds have won 20 games by May 1, without their two best pitchers, while my fantasy team tanked before it even started. I'll take it

Counties named "Orange County"

Oscar Isaac was in the Criterion Closet and he’s the first guy who I think properly understood that he gets all the movies for free and just overloaded the bag

My referral wasn't sent for PT so I need to reach the MD's office but I can't log into MyChart & the recovery code didn't work & the other code seems not to have been sent & they need to fax it to PT but the fax number isn't on PT's website & Americans are all just going to melt into the earth

May I say, there is an eagle cam set up in the mammogram room I go to and it is the finest decision ever made by a health care provider

Listen to these baby children. Sixteen years old!

I think maybe it's a shame that in the greater scheme of things Charles is going to be king for .05 seconds

Do I have thoughts on this list? Why...yes, yes I do

Runners, enough

The Trump fake assassination attempts will continue on a regular schedule until his poll numbers rise. Thank you for your attention to this matter!

Sometimes I wonder if smallpox, the ONLY communicable disease that has been eliminated, would have served us by sticking around. I bet a horribly disfiguring disease would magically change a lot of anti-vaxxers' minds.

I'm struggling with something and wondering if anyone has gone through something similar. (1/ )

Trump on psychedelics could not possibly be weirder than he is now, though perhaps less malevolent

Who newly discovers recordings and how do you get that job?

This looks like it was lifted straight from an Instagram influencer acount, so this is my cue to say that if you've never watched the pilot for the original show as an adult, do it ASAP. You will be stunned. It is so realistic, so unsentimental, so gorgeous. And Melissa Gilbert is unreal in it.

a movie couple who definitely have a podcast

Obsessed

I'm not sure how you can be against removing this man from office right now. What will it take? A nuke being dropped? It's too late then. The purpose of impeachment and the 25th Amendment is to prevent that type of thing from happening, not just to react to it.

This photo is awesome, and also lays bare why it’s so stupid to want to colonize the moon. There’s nothing there! It’s a big dumb rock!

I saw Nutella trending, and thought it died.

This is one sexy postcard

Gonna go out on a limb and take a guess that this doesn't end well

AI kind of hit at the exact time I started thinking "maybe we should just call it on this technology thing"

I say this literally every time I have to open one of those stupid fucking 19th century sacks

I would have assumed an astronaut went in for some Crunch fitness shit. A Y astronaut is a man of the people

IT'S👏IN👏THE👏CONSTITUTION👏

America: conversion therapy ok, President obtaining list of names of ethnic group ok, President cannot destroy public property, President cannot singlehandedly censor public media This is just TODAY oh my god three more years hoooooowwwwwww

objectively the funniest critique an american could level at another country

I legit thought they were going to give him pretend CPR.

Which PhD student is going to do a dissertation on the correlation between a wretched world economy and art heists?

Helpful

Thrilled for the return of spring, less psyched for back-door-slamming-every-38-seconds season

It. Is. In. The. Fourteenth. Amendment. It. Is. A. Right.

This should be an impeachable offense. I understand that we’re way past any of that, but that shouldn’t stop us from naming it.