I can't respect this world

Trust me, you are going to LOVE leaving this earthly plane

Trump: don’t take acepitoemponoene RFK Jr: *moth crawls out of mouth* A nude man is in the background, only referred to as “the colonel” Person watching on tv: well if they say so

AUTISM ANNOUNCEMENT: “This is the wrong kind of spoon. It is not a good spoon. The bowl shape is all wrong.”

Get in losers, we’re grieving

Everybody stop

It’s like a watergate level scandal every six hours plus he’s just straight up bombing boats full of civilians every few days

a group of people were like "i found a way to live my life as a truer version of myself" and instead of being like "that's beautiful, how can i help" people were like "i don't think schools should have books in them anymore"

These assholes have everything, why are they so angry all the time

This sand isn't going to pound itself

America stop letting shitheads win challenge (impossible)

I'm old enough to remember laws

Asking the dispensary guy for the shit that puts you in a 5-week coma

great news! you're not actually seeing karl rove, john yoo, and david frum criticize the administration's lawlessness more stridently than dem leadership. you, reader, were infected with rabies by a brown bat 36 hours ago and this is all just the virus working its way through your nervous system

Trust me, you are going to LOVE leaving this earthly plane

Just once I'd like to open this app and not feel queasy within the first few minutes

Your email finds me deeply burned out and disassociating.

pundit, after getting made fun of online: i need to become more bigoted about this

Everybody has such severe mental and emotional problems, not me though

Just seen someone try to cancel Ms Piggy for domestic abuse 👍

This world will ruin me, I just faved bill fucking kristol

Everybody has such severe mental and emotional problems, not me though

They should invent a head that doesn't ache

Do you think unbending Clippy until he was a long piece of metal would be painful for him. Or do you think it would cause him to feel a great sense of relief

Welcome to your 50s, you can get a hangover without drinking if you stay up past midnight

Update: Civil War cancelled due to shooter being demographically uncooperative

The Feel Everything App™

The Gen X mind was simply not built to cope with smartphones

Panic! at the paniceria

Lowering the flags on 9/11 at the Guantanamo Bay McDonald's for Charlie Kirk is the most dril tweet thing that's ever happened

Softer world pls

Dissociating for another year or so ✌️

Tfw I sit this one out

trump can issue as many executive orders as he wants, perhaps coverage should reflect the fact that a lot of these have the legal force of a child's wishlist for santa

I think media and many Dems are brainlocked into treating Trump as a politically strong figure because they mistake the consolidation of autocratic power for political invincibility. But we shouldn't do that. He's both an autocrat and a ludicrous, inept figure. 5/ newrepublic.com/article/2000...

Why did my phone just spontaneously recognize my dryer wtf

working on a new unified theory of american reality i'm calling "everyone is twelve now"

Walking into the sea and imagining just one of these malevolent shitheads experiencing even a single consequence

Lawless ass government

I was offline for a few days and it was wonderful, be back later

I’m going to need things to stop happening

I used to think business leaders would keep him from scaring the hoes but they decided dodging taxes and saying slurs was more important

We failed to prosecute some folks

The thing is, we will someday be rid of this hosebag but the underlying problems will remain

Men lost the gender wars as soon as we started selling and buying "dude wipes"