I'm under a sleeping 6yo and a sleeping cat, please send help

What do you mean I have to start writing it like '2026'

Post a gif of how you think 2026 will play out..

I would get sworn in on my hardcover anniversary edition of Catch-22.

A message for you all to carry through the year

I have been SO INCREDIBLY LAZY today. Minimal effort on all fronts. Multiple naps. Leftovers for meals. Lounging to the extreme. Pie

It was time four hours ago, but Stranger Things was like, pretty darn good.

Tried wooing Pam at Pony Boat with various feats of strength.

Gosh, I really enjoyed the finale of Stranger Things.

“shouldn’t have worn my Blundstones”

Held a New Year's Eve party for my kids, their friends, and their parents. So much fun. They tore the house apart, but it was worth every second.

The final Calvin and Hobbes, which appeared in papers 30 years ago today.

This will be the best 12 minutes and 22 seconds of your day. Grab your Kleenex and watch until the end, because yes, the dogs WERE good again this year. ❤️

See you next year

two low key heaters in an issue chock full of em @theonion.com

Some great things from 2025: -Graduated from UPEI (again) with a Master of Arts in Island Studies -hosted my brother’s 40th birthday -saw Wilco, Blue Rodeo, Jason Isbell, Stars, Sloan, Sheryl Crow live in concert -built the new Lego Enterprise with my son over holidays

2025 was a wild (and often negative) ride. But let's not focus on the negative. What was one good thing that stood out for you? I'll go first with a couple: ★ Had a great vacation with my kids in Halifax. ★ Had a blast interviewing Steven Mayoff on his new poetry collection ★ Biking with my son

Brilliant

You guys, I'm at the grocery store and a black hole just came by and sucked all my clothes off and I'm in the frozen food section, please send help and maybe a pair of pants

I'm sorry, Leonardo DiCaprio still looks like a kid to me. When they cast him in a grown up role I keep thinking he's playing a boy whose pretending to be an adult which adds a really silly layer to the story.

“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place” - Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You

Presently snuggling the 6yo off to sleep and failing at it, so please please please give me something to do: ngl.link/keithburgoyne

What is Canada doing about this? www.irishtimes.com/world/us/202...

🚨🚨🚨🎉🎉🎉🎉

Whenever my son thinks he's alone, he talks to himself. He just natters on and on about anything. He is SO like me.

There are only two food groups during the holidays: treats, and antacids.

MIL: today's monday, isn't it Me: no, it's sunday MIL: im certain it's monday Me: well it says sunday on my watch MIL: it's definitely monday Me: hey google, what day is it Google: friday

The Onion is 🔥

I was up until 5 playing video games. I haven't done that in ages. It's nice having the space to do that again, a space where I don't owe anything to anyone for a few days.

🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🍾🍾🍾⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

The Week Between Christmas and New Years

The older my folks get, the hotter they keep their house.

I was gifted a flashlight. It's nice except for one fatal flaw: the power button cycles through 6 modes before it turns off. One of those modes is SOS IN MORSE CODE. 99.99999% of all users will never need to flash SOS. Also unlikely there'll be someone on the receiving end who knows what it means.

Funny Numbers xkcd.com/3184/

Cat Clinging To Side Of Christmas Tree Admits That Was Extent Of Plan https://theonion.com/cat-clinging-to-side-of-christmas-tree-admits-that-was-1849899567/

Dollhouse life: a microcosm of life in general.

Yes let's just lump our problems on the next generation, that worked great for us millennials.

they misspelled christmas on the title card lmao

TV Network Refuses To Air ‘Miracle On 34th Street’ For Outdated Depictions Of Hope, Joy https://theonion.com/tv-network-refuses-to-air-miracle-on-34th-street-for-1848159248/

Here are some holiday VS pieces I've made

It's a beautiful thing, isn't it? People all across the world gathering together with family and friends to feast, humanity collectively turning turkeys into diarrhea in the name of Jesus ❤️

Would buy

Just jinglin' some bells and stompin' in the backyard to really freak the kids out, as you do

Done!

Did they open a door and a bunch of paper buried then?

Never invite Captain Kirk to your Christmas parties. Or do. Depends what you're into.

(blows past you in a two-horse covered sleigh; just absolutely smokes yer ass)

I cannot fucking wait for the 25th. They're is way too much work to the holidays.