If missing the point was a martial art, it would have exploded every head in the 1995 live action Fist of the North Star. We'll just have to settle for detonating the head @seanbaby.bsky.social by making him watch it.

Episode 3 of the PoG podcast is available! @merrittk.com joins me to discuss how the loss of both mall culture and killer robot culture has destroyed our country. bit.ly/42uSEKI

I made a parody of the new Resident Evil trailer. The bit is kind of a stretch, but that's why they call me the Mr. Fantastic of dumb-ass ideas.

Star Wars Day is cancelled as long as irl Palpatine is still in charge.

Here’s a video game hot take. If a game has forced PvP, such as an extraction shooter, and one of the main selling points is joy at the expense of mine, then that game should be free. If i have to pay for the privilege of having my balls stomped, then I’m taking my money to a professional dom.

I’m not a Bible expert, but I believe the book of revelations lists Megan Thee Stallion getting cheated on as the final indicator of the coming apocalypse

Episode 2 of the PoG podcast is out today! @brockway.bsky.social joins me to kick off Tubi Tuesday, where we celebrate the only movie streaming algorithm that respects our time. We begin with The Wraith, a movie that asks "What if The Crow, but sweet-ass car instead of bird"

How it feels to watch the group chat move on as you struggle to finish a time sensitive joke but your thumbs are having a fat day and spellcheck decided to just start making shit up

I promise you’ve never heard of this Martin Kove show in your whole life.

No matter how many times I’ve seen “Event Horizon”, it catches me off guard every time credits roll and Prodigy’s “Funky Shit” comes in out of god damn nowhere.

New podcast format for all the cinematic trash we love to consume! Grab the rss feed or listen on your favorite platform. Special guest @youknowlydia.bsky.social brings possibly the most surprisingly un-woke movie ever made

Thinking about becoming a cyber cowboy. Please respect my decision during these difficult times.

Throwback: everyone gangsta until the potential side effects kick in

As a minimalist, I’m so relieved humanity has reduced all human interaction down to either rage or horny.

These are basically the conversations I want to have all day every day

“Are the answers to your disease here?” *Playful stroke “Yessss”

Gonna show up to the function in my cyber duster and smugly ask people if they want to know the truth about the world. If they say yes, I’ll wordlessly hand them a Mike and Ike, which every pocket will be filled with.

Peak beefcake cinema

Nothing annoys me more than a mfer with something to lose. Look at you, afraid to risk your job security. Your cushy retirement package. Your…health insurance?? Psht. How did you even end up like this? Seriously, tell me how. I’m too reckless and impulsive to figure this shit out and my teeth hurt.

If you have ADHD and struggle to drink enough water, you need to gamify that shit. I use ice in all my drinks. Suddenly you have to negotiate an obstacle to get the liquid. And when you’re done you get to eat some water, which is way more stimulating than drinking it.

Here’s yet another delightful podcast featuring me! If you’re a me fan then this has been an incredible week. If you’re not, then I guess this has been a pretty shitty period in your life.

Auralnauts Movie Podcast lives on! Today, returning guest @vhuspodcast.bsky.social helps Zak untangle the complexities of the future presented in 2020 Texas Gladiators. on.soundcloud.com/0fbsfDVnCLy6...

Me looking at the friends who told me to stay positive because life gets better as a cabal of murderous pedophiles destroy the world.

Automan ran for only 12 episodes in 1983 because the world wasn't ready for the story of a computerized man in a star wetsuit. You know who was ready? Our guest, @zakkoonce.bsky.social. Also, @seanbaby.bsky.social, and @brockway.bsky.social. on.soundcloud.com/AdMwbdNXYRiJ...

Me leaving NYC: I can’t wait to live somewhere that’s not as humid. My skin during winter in CO:

Ladies and gentlemen, they included Fisto. This summer, kinks will not be shamed.

Expository theme song for my horror version of Turbo Teen now has a music video. I’m not responsible for the whatever happens if you listen to this while driving.

New Episode!!! @zakkoonce.bsky.social returns and we discuss The Resurrected (1991.) How does this Chris Sarandon starring H.P Lovecraft movie have to do with shaking your tuchas? You’ll just have to listen! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/v...

Please enjoy this fake theme song for a real show performed by me doing my best dead serious goth boy vocals

Legit just got a date with this. Who let me out into these streets?

Agriculture Secretary Rollins: “we have played Streets of Rage hundreds of times and have found that every garbage can has a chance to yield fresh fruit, a piping hot turkey and in some cases, a knife. Any one of these drops should increase the survival rate of any American.”

Made a full length version of the Turbo Teen theme. If you’re a paid member it’s downloadable. Floor it!

The kind of energy I want to see more of in 2026

Rep: Thank you have a great afternoon. Me: Thanks, you too. Rep: Thanks, bye bye. Me: Alright take care. Rep: You too! Me: Thank you. Rep: You’re welcome! Me: …if we’re to escape this courtesy hell, one of us is going to have to hang up and be forever a dick.

Her: Whisper something dirty in my ear. Me, who is bad at improv: Yeah girl, you like this, um Jersey Mike’s? Gonna give it to you Mike’s way, all the fixings. You want a pickle with that? You like more phallus added to what was already a phallic shaped jumping off point? Extra phallus, MIKE’S WAY

What I love about this image is that it captures something we don’t realize in our own lives. Closing the door on your childhood doesn’t feel like much at the time, but truly painful to think about in hindsight. That’s what makes nostalgia so powerful.

Vecna: a super-powered byproduct of science meddling with cosmic energy beyond understanding, bent on crashing two planets into each other as a result of a misguided vision for a better world. Sephiroth:

Sitting in my tower of knowledge, absorbing the wisdom of the world.

Due to climate change, these Christmas takes are coming in hot

You can use a QR code like a crucifix to scare away old people.

As much as I've been a goofy fuck about promoting I Will Kill Your Imaginary Friend for $200, the genuine reception it's getting is incredible. Especially with people totally unfamiliar with my work. Here's an early review thread, starting with the incredible starred feature in Publisher's Weekly.

Travel tip: If you’re visiting a city and want non-tourist suggestions, ask someone who used to live there what they miss most about it. Bonus points if that person isn’t legally allowed back in the city but they’d be willing to risk it all for one or two of their suggestions.

My list of the worst TV shows of all time are The Wire, Breaking Bad and The Sopranos because if they’re so good where are the Fortnite collabs

The first Bayformers is insane. Sam: You have to hide! Prime: On Cybertron, hide means to fart on one’s own balls, which Jazz will now demonstrate using what you humans know as black culture. Jazz, show this earth neighborhood a racist fart.

Maybe being an adult means quit being a passive aggressive little bitch and minding your own business

Buddy can’t cook and thinks everyone just tolerates dryness. Like the time Ben Shapiro’s wife assured him it was not normal for women to have WAP.

New video available on YT. Enjoy the supernatural body horror of TURBO-TEEN, the boy-car fueled by human blood.

Patrons! Get an early look at the body horror shenanigans of Turbo Teen. He has has such sights to show you.

The only thing a zombie apocalypse would give us is dipshits like this who would downplay the zombie threat and then put their own friends and family in danger by lying about getting bit.

New patreon post to get your motors purring.