I want nothing more than to be sitting under Sir’s desk while he works this morning. Dusty and plastic-ridden as it is. I want to be tucked in next to his legs and contained for at least a little while.

My head is not, as they say, in the game.

I hope you have friends you can call up when you feel unsure and need a listening ear or a pep talk, without worrying that they’ll lose confidence in you when you share vulnerably. I hope when they tell you you’ve got this, you believe them.

I watched Pillion (2025) the other night. The only way I can wrap my head around Ray is through viewing him as a Manic Pixie Dream Dom. He’s a dominant ideal, yet he’s devoid of substantive personhood beyond Colin’s experiences with him. Maybe that makes their doomed relationship more tolerable.

I’m anxious about producing a conference for another year. I will do it. I love this conference. The team is more than capable and I endeavor to support them in whatever way I can. But we haven’t started planning yet and I already feel like I’m on the brink of sinking.

Thinking back to the recent past when Sir got me off and then punished me for it. =)

Talented audiobook narrators will help get me through this year.

Spending the evening breathing through the anxiety at the possibility of being a creeper by reminding myself that even if I was a creeper, the event I went to won’t be happening again for at least six months, so anyone who thought I was a creeper gets at least that long a reprieve.

I cannot keep my chill around cute queer people, and I am in a space with many of them. Send me confidence. Sincerely, an awkward llama.

The Pink Squirrel is a wonderful drink. :)

Yesenia, a farm worker in Modesto, shares what the UFW’s lawsuit with the @aclu-norcal.bsky.social against the Trump administration’s immigration raids mean to her.

It bothers me that there was less than half of the expected attendance for this past Service Chat, which featured a Black QT presenter focusing on Black service and body care. Maybe I could have done more than my usual advertising or promoted it differently, but I shouldn’t have had to.

Sir and I found out my years’ long desensitization to ticklishness has ended. It’s been a good life. Remember me fondly. XD

Okay, I need everyone to be kind to me (or intentionally mean to me in consensually approved ESM ways) for the next two days. I have had one too many conflict experiences this week and my nervous system is tapped out. Just two days, that is all I ask the universe.

Be the temporary & insignificant lump of organic material you wish to see in the world.

This month’s Service Chat features a presentation on, “Shea Butter Baby Service,” centering Black service for Black bodies. Join us this Saturday to learn more about service with radical authenticity and embracing oneself without compromise. Details here: fetlife.com/events/2026/...

I'm not going to break you, I'm just going to... return you to factory settings

Coming up in just a few hours!

Me: “A dominant who isn’t you told me I was good and I feel a bit gross from it.” Sir: “Would it help if I told you you’re a complete pile of trash, my Boy?” Me: “Yes, actually, that helps a lot. Thank you, Sir.” (I hope this thoughtful human keeps me. ^_^)

Take me like the Control Devil in Chainsaw Man. Build up my life with happiness, purpose, and meaning, then destroy it all so my only refuge is at your feet with the rest of your dogs.

Oh boy, I get to play the, “Am I man/boy enough to be in this space for men/boys,” game again.

I feel like I live in the land of Don’t Want But Still Need quite a bit.

TASHRA is seeking new Board members to help advance kink-affirming healthcare. We’re especially looking for experience in nonprofit governance, finance, fundraising, legal, or organizational development. Diverse perspectives welcome. Interested? Email [email protected].

Repost if you have a small dicklet ♻️

My impostor feelings have been working overtime this month, so I look forward to talking about it on April 8! Let’s share our experiences with the impostor phenomenon in The Scene and hopefully feel a little less alone together. Details here: fetlife.com/events/2026/...

The nice part about working from home part of the week is I can push through burnout while staring at the wall from my couch instead of stomping sidewalks.

I don't feel like a slave in my dynamic. I feel more like a knight who serves a sadistically playful Queen. I spend most of my days vanquishing evil and protecting the innocent in vanilla life. Every so often my Queen seeks audience with me and uses me how She wants.

HERES TO THE WRITERS

Reminder that tomorrow I’m going to be giving a talk about how to get started in leather working with an eye towards pony play tack, and how it fits into my service-oriented ethos!

If someone isn't treating you the way you feel you deserve in your polyamorous relationship despite multiple a) reminders of your needs, b) conversations about boundaries, and c) requests for change, you have put in your fair share of effort already, and they are simply not the person for you.

This month’s Service Chat features a presentation by @ponytromper.bsky.social on Leather Crafting for Pony Play: how to get started, how to finish! Join us this Saturday to learn more: fetlife.com/events/2026/...

Still sitting with the positive feelings I had drinking a meal replacement shake next to Sir while he ate a full meal.

Taming Dante by Joel Abernathy is stoking fantasies of dubcon Daddy/boy role play as part of a month-long confinement. There’s footie pajamas and train sets and bedtimes and punishments. It’s pretty great.

Sometimes I wonder if my desire to fit in eclipses my commitment to my current dynamic, and I feel sad at the prospect.

I didn’t anticipate life as a conference producer would include grappling with my abandonment fears. I find I often breathe through my worry that my decisions, communication, or work will lead my team to leave me. But I have to trust in our mutual respect and hope they’ll talk to me when they need.

I am itching for Sir’s mark on my body. I’ve been thinking about a tattoo of his symbol lately. I’m fairly certain piercings will be in my future, but that’s at his discretion and he’s taking his time. But darn if having another semi-permanent reminder would be great.

I’m excited to return to MAsT Laurel Women this Saturday to share my class on Strategies for Navigating Flexibility in Power Imbalanced Dynamics. My main strategy? Bring my own structure, bumps and all! Join us here: fetlife.com/events/2026/...

I would like a word with the person who coined the term “pracademic.” -.-

I’m appalled that doing self care activities improves my mood and outlook on life. The audacity!

I have a date night planned very close to both Steak and Blowjob day and Pi Day. I guess my dinner menu’s set. ;)

Another day, another reminder that in BDSM, service isn’t only for submissives! Anyone can provide or receive service, regardless of role. Yes, this is a hill I will perish upon.

I want a gender expression that’s best described as unattainable. I want the ability to be so beautiful that people don’t understand how I’m human.

This month’s Service Chat features a discussion on Pet Play and Service facilitated by @nyxlunaea.bsky.social! Bring your stories, ideas, questions and more this Saturday as we explore what’s possible! Details here: fetlife.com/events/2026/...

I’ve finished my annual viewing of Old Fashioned Cupcake (2022). Given the weekend, I had a hankering for the tension and connection the actors give in this well-paced short drama. It never disappoints.

$4 MILLION!! #P4A2026

Happy valentines day 🦈 #art #sharks

Don’t let clothes come in the way of progress. Anything worth doing at all is worth doing in fuzzy pants.

I am grateful to serve a prospective owner who doesn’t mind when I yelp in surprise seeing the overwhelming mountain of laundry I’m to help put away.

There is no keener self-humiliation for me than staring at something I know I just learned but forgot how to do, and needing to weigh asking the person who taught it to me to do so a second time.

Where does the need or desire for flexibility show up in your life, relationships, and/or power exchange/ authority transfer dynamics? By flexibility, I mean the ability to readily adapt to significant change in expectation or process within a short time.