You absolutely CANNOT be fat (disgusting) but we do have a medicine that will help. Of course you can’t take it because we need to make sure you actually deserve to not be fat anymore (disgusting). Only we get to decide!

I see some people are demanding we watch the inauguration and I'm all, motherfucker, I didn't watch his first one and spent four years actively avoiding the sound of his voice, what makes you think I'm going to do any different this time around

Hey I just met you I'm off to hunt whale but here's my novel so call me Ishmael

i wonder if people under a certain age know how much limitless free information used to be readily available online about anything you could think of, anything at all, you could start reading about a niche subject and then it would be 4 am and you had been reading about weird candy for six hours

The ongoing incompetence of House Republicans is historic on a level that is only rivaled by Crystal Pepsi.

I may not be a perfect parent, but my kid both respects and prefers the quiet car on train rides, and that’s an absolute win. Several neighboring adults could take pointers from him.

So much is going on in the world, so take comfort where you can. For me, I’ll be watching S2E5 of OFMD over and over and over again. This is a perfect episode of television.

The most accurate and endearing sentence I’ve seen about our good, scruffy boys.

Dianne Feinstein was arrested this morning in relation to the 1996 killing of Tupac Shakur. She died in custody.

Come on Mitch! Don’t let her hog the spotlight.

He would RUN tiktok, honey.

Your daily reminder that it’s OK for first drafts of anything to be rough around the edges, like this original concept sketch for the facehugger in “Alien,” drawn by screenwriter Dan O’Bannon

Reading to my child when he was small was one of my favorite things. Now that he’s almost 11 though, reading with him at night, when we each take a chapter to read aloud to the other, may be even better. ❤️

My mother, who was a children's librarian, knew this. My husband & I knew & acted on this when raising our kids. I knew this when I was a librarian serving adult & YA patrons. Children are people. Their thoughts & feelings & dreams & aspirations are their own. They deserve private reading lives.

My kiddo’s elementary school is doing Book Buddy week, and if you’ve never seen a 5th grader going through his old favorite storybooks to read to a kindergartener, it is quite sweet. He chose Dragons Love Tacos, The Day the Crayons Quit, and a Mo Willems collection so “the little kids can choose” 🥹

Using an image, show a movie you’ve watched more than 10 times. m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5...

Go to museums alone. You can take things at your own pace, and no one looks at you weird when you are just quietly weeping on a bench.

PSA that the entire Sweeney Todd (2023) album is out today, and you can hear EVERY piece of the orchestra in the ballad and it’s sublime. open.spotify.com/track/43PoJ7...

I know everyone can be a jerk sometimes, but if you are taking a phone call in the quiet car of a train, you are the jerkiest kind of jerk and I hope you bang your elbow into something hard every day of your life.

was just reminded of this again, so

I got married 20 years ago today, so to mark the occasion, I need to say this: divorce can be hard and scary, but it can also be great on the other side. I stayed married for 14yrs, wanted to leave after 7. When I finally could, things got so much better. I’m so grateful for my life now.

Sure Inbox Zero is nice, but my true dream is Laundry Basket Zero.

It is time.

Thread. Geena Davis is terrific.

Laura Ingraham says Democrats' platform is pot, porn and Planned Parenthood, and I think we've got a winning slogan for 2024

Wow: SELF magazine has published a series called “Let Them Play,” featuring stories about trans youth and sports, written and edited entirely by queer and trans people. This is how you change media. www.self.com/package/let-...

The cicadas are absolutely SCREAMING this morning and honestly after the month I’ve had I kinda just want to join them.

The final Fast & Furious movie should be called Fast But Not Least

SAG-AFTRA Strike, explained

100 days of the WGA strike is reason enough to support these creators while they try to outlast the greedy corporations!

Normalize expressing your love for someone platonically, because you CAN love someone a whole lot without it being romantic.

About me: I say things like "What if Greta Gerwig directed a Kimberly Akimbo movie musical?" in group chats.

Did my son’s nails at his request tonight because he wants to look special for his science camp tomorrow. Posted the finished product on IG and realized I’ve done an excellent job of weeding out literally anyone who would force their gender normative opinions into my space. Thats a great feeling.

A friend just said to me “I love you Fantasy Little Women Draft” and that’s how I know I have the best friends. Surround yourself with people who love to hear you talk about your weird stuff, and make sure you let them talk about their weird stuff too!

Finished watching the entirety of Good Omens 2. I feel like I just had sex with the Michael Sheen and David Tennant for six hours. AND IT WAS SO FUCKING GOOD.

Between Barbie and Good Omens 2, I’m really loving the Pride and Prejudice resurgence.

A group of pals got together to celebrate my BFF’s birthday this weekend by: -Wearing too much glitter to go see Barbie -Watching old Carol Burnett show reruns -Going to a former speakeasy/current kickass restaurant and bar -Playing card games -Eating so many baked goods I am exhausted and happy

Sad to announce that I went to my new local queer bookstore today and didn’t have a single ‘meet cute’ with a local queer bookseller so why did I even learn to read????

pokemon evolutions be like

As others have noted, this article may be studio propaganda to dishearten WGA folks, but a) it's just gonna piss them off more, b) it prompted me to donate to the Entertainment Community Fund. Fuck the studios, I'm paying for a WGA member's groceries today, gotta keep strength up on the picket line

I’ve noticed that Bluesky is thirstier than the other place, so I feel it’s fitting to make this the place I yell: YES CHEF OMG I WILL FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/top-chef-kristen-kish-replacing-padma-lakshmi-host-1235533197/

Currently my timeline here is almost entirely authors I enjoy, and that’s pretty great.

Bluesky is powered by spite, the most potent energy source known to man

My brain after a party:

if the board game Life were like real life you’d have to periodically stop and check the news on a random Friday at 10 AM to get a horrible new rule change to make things more difficult, cruel, and expensive

Ok pals, I’m here. Someone tell me where all the smart ppl so I can follow you.